HUMOUR

Hawke's Bay Herald-Tribune, Issue 131, 19 June 1937, Page 18

HUMOUR

j Motive O "You say you came to the eity to loolc for work. I put it to you, tbere was anotber, a stronger mo'tive tbat brough you all tbat distance." / "Well," ihesitated tbe defendant, "tbere was." . • •"Ab!" cried tbe barrister, triumpbantly. "And wbat was it?" "A locomotive." Not Likely Ile was pestered by his little sott asking questions. One evening as be sat down for a quiet read a small voice piped: "Daddy, am I made of 'dust?" "I tbink not," said tbe fatlh'er, "otberwise you'd dry up now' and then." $> ^ ^ f Valus for Money . After buying a sixpenny novel from the bookstall assistant, tibe man from Aberdeen said: "I'll put tibe book in 'my pocket, but you.imight wrap tbe nniform in apiece of paper." "TJniform, sir? " Wbat nniform?" asked tbe, yottng man. Tbe buyer opened tbe book and held it out. ■ "It says bere, * TJniform witb tbis ▼olume.' "

Solved. Among tbe problems presented to tbe PoBt Ofiice during tbe recent rush of Christmas trafac was a letter addresaed to. someone at "KeySide,- Arijaba.- ' ■ Its destinatioa was not Abyssinia, er some otber place in Africa. Tbe letter was co'rrectly delivered at Quayside, j Harwieb Harbour. "One one side of me a lion was cxeeping up; on the otber a tiger approacbed stealthily, . Wben -.tbey were abou a yard from me, wbat do vok think I did?" "Woke up^?" "No, sirl " "Geel I couldn't bave slept -ea afteir tbat." Vlsitor: "Tbese biseuits are lovely, Mrs Smitlb. I don 't know bow many I've had." Little Tommy: "You've bad seven! " ♦ ❖ ^ "I Idon' know wbat's come over my busband tbis moraing, MaTy," said tbe young wife to ber new maid. "He's gone to town wihistling like a bird. '' "I expect it's my fanlt, mum," said Mary. "I made a imistake tbis morning and cooked be bird-seed instead of tbe oatmeal."-

Absurd It .was Saturday again, and young Tommy was eagerly devouring tbe football news. Now and again be was interrupted by bis motber 's fond talk to wee baby brother. "Diddums darling. Motber 's sweat pot." Tommy scowled bebind Ibis paper, "Dive mummie a tiss. Dat's motber 's pet. She wouldn't part witb Ihim for ten tbousand pounds."- This was too muctb for Tommy. "Don-'tbe ridiculous, motber," he exclaimed, scornfully. "Wby, Blackburn Eovers gave only six thousand for Bruton." ♦ S> 8> $> ' Limit A Frencbman on a visit to Britaiu docided to learn tbe Englisb language. Accordingly be went to classes. Tbe words "rough,", "dougb," and "tbrougb" caused bim endless' difficulty. For hours tbe wrestled witb tbem. All in vain. At last he admitted bimself defeated and left tbe cJass. Glancing across tbe road be saw a buge cinema placard witb the words ' ' ' GLAMOUB. ' Pronounced success! ' ' The Frencliman fainted. $»§> $>$ In tbe Dark It was late a nigbt wben tbe lighth in tbe crowded bus failed, and tbe pas svugers were thrown into confusion. "Can I find you a strap?" Eobinson isked the pretty girl at bis side. "No, tbanks," sbe replied, '"I've fust found oue." "Good. Then pcrhaps you won nind lettirg go of my tie. "