HUMOUR

Hawke's Bay Herald-Tribune, Issue 119, 5 June 1937, Page 18

HUMOUR

I »l' Tommy did not seCm at all anxious to ""'go to Sunday-school. -.This was unusuai so his mother anxiously asked the xeason. "Well, I couldn't say my lesson last : junday, ' ' he said, mournfully. "But you've learned the lesson for 10-day; .you said it beautifully last • night." X "Yes, I know, buB the teacher said 1 •.vas to succeed.this Sunday." "Well, why not do as the teacher told you?" "Bccause I don't like seeds and I'm jiot going to suck them." & ♦ A man home on leave from a part of Mquatorial Africa generally held to be unhealthy was recounting . his ■ ex perienccs. . - "There 's nothing the matter with the eountry," he said. "All it requires is a better type of settler and a decent water supply." "If you come to think of it," remarked'one of his listeners, "those arc the only drawbaeks to Hades. "

The artist was painting & sunset — vivid red, with blu© streaks and green splotches scattered over the eanvas, A farm hand stopped and watched hira. "Ahy" said the aftist, looking up suddenly, "perhaps to you Natur©' has '• also opened up her sky pictures page by. page? Have you seen Ihe lambent flame of dawn leaping across the peilucid east? The red-stained sulphurous islets floating as if in a lake of fir« in the west? The ragged clouds at midnight, black as ravens' win^s, blotting out the shuddering moon?" "No," repiied the farm hand, "not • since I siopped drinking." §> ® . That's the Spirit! "George," she thundered, m ' she came upon an unopened bottle of whisky while unpacking for a westend 's camping, "what's the meaning «f this?" "That 's all right, my dear. I brought it along to stick a candle in when it'* empty. " ❖ S> S> "Dae ye ken that your hens : come ower into ma gairdenf'.' "Ah, I thocht they must be daein' that." ' 'Whit mak'a ye think sae?" "Beeause they never come backj"

"Your husband is always complaining that he leads a dog's life." "Yes, he comes home with muddy feet, makes himself comfortable on the hearth-rug, waits until he is fed, and growls. " An American was motoring through ' Coventry op the day of the Godiva procession. A friend told him that if he would pull his car into the side of thc road he would ' shortly see a nude woman go by on a white horse. "Gee," said the American, "I guess I'll wait. I ain't seen a white horse for years." The- friend passed this on to a Scotsman, who 'stared blankly for a moment aud thon said, gravely, "Weel, I'm told they Americans will gie as muckle is twa pounds for a bottle 0' it." S> $> ' 'Mieliael, will ye lind me the loan of a shillen'?" * "I will not." "Come, Michael; jist a shilleny' the way I'll repay ye on Frday." "I'll lind ye nothin'." "Ah, ye mean tliief; ivrybody kpows ye'd let yar old mother go to the workbouse before ye'd give her a pinny." ' 'An if I wouldn't give me old mother a pinny, why would I bo linden' you the lcan of a shillen'?" S> S> ❖ $ "Why won't you advertise?" asked fciie representative of a newspaper of a man in a small way of business in a small town. "Beeause I'm agin' advertisin'," the man answered. "But why axc you against it?" • "It don't leave-a man 110 tinie," was Ihe reply. "I advertised wunst last mmmer and the'consequence wtiz I wuz m busy I didn't have timo t* go fishng the wholo season! "