HUMOUR

Hawke's Bay Herald-Tribune, Issue 113, 29 May 1937, Page 18

HUMOUR

V II I ~ — . w ua "A | An Englishwoman had gone to Scot■❖land for the first time in her life. On her return t6 Loddon she' expressed her surprise at the comparative civilization of the north. "Our English customs are spreading rapidiy," she said. "Even in a little town like St. Andrews they have a nice golf course."

A firm of match'maiiufacturers'aent a man with" authority to hand a guinea-to any pqrson who infroduced to him a box .of their. matches.. ' * . ' When he reached Aberdeen he 'enfer^ ed the smoke-room of a restaurant,, and approaching a .stranger, said;' "Gould you oblige me with a matchf" . • "Certainly," said the Sco't, as he * handed the traveller a box of the firm'a matches. "Thank you,'-' said the traveller. "I see you use our matches. My firm authorizes me to hand a guinea to every man I meet who produces one of their boxes — so here's your guinea."' As the traveller turned to leave, the Aberdonian shouted after him: — "Hey! Stop! You're awa' wi' my matches 1"

SOS ; The agitated customer entered vtht cheinist's shop. • -• , "A few days ago you sold me a plast* er to help me to get rid of 'my lunf bago," He said.* VThat's right, sir," Teplied the chemist. "And what can I have the pleasure «)f doing; for you nowf" • .. "I'want you.to give mq something tb get xid'of the plaster." .

, • - 'Simpl^e ; • . A comniercial traveller, detaine.d-4n>;a village- overnight,. was. introduked. ,.in the' local inn to a erazy little billiardtable and a set of balls of a unifona, dirty-grey colour. " ■ - • - ' "But how do you tbll the Ted?" he asked. ' v "Oh, Teplied the landlord, "you soon get to know them by their shape."

. ' 'The man who danees must pay the piper," says a migistratc. Also the waiter, cloakroom attendaat, doorman, and the taxicab driver. @> 8> $ $■ Charged with burglary in an Ame^'-aii court, a man deckued that he robb^J houscs in his sleep. On u^recent occasion he was awakened • by the policeman, who pinched him.