HUMOUR

Hawke's Bay Herald-Tribune, Issue 95, 8 May 1937, Page 16

HUMOUR

"Henry," said Mrs Glipping, in one of ber tearful moods, "If l were to die, woud you mourn for me?'' "Certainly I would, my dear," replied Mr Glipping, as be scanned the paper. "And would you "visit my grave sometimes?" "Of course. Wby do you ask sucb a foolish question? Tihe cemetery is on the way to tbe golf links.'.'

It was tbree o'clock in tbe mormng and tbe policeman was snspicious of tbe man in evening coltlbes wbo- walked slowly along the street, crossing and recrossing tbe road. "Out ratber late, aren't you," asked tbe constable. "Perhaps it is a little late," agreed the man, "but it's about tihe only chance a pedestrian bas tbese days."

A teacber .of English was discussing witb bis class the subject of comparisons, 'complimentary and uncomplimentary. \ " "Now," be said, "if someone -eompared me witih a great Greek orator, would the comparison be complimentary or not?" "It would be an insult, sir,,? piped a siuall boy. "Don't be silly," said tbe master, "I sbould feel quite complimented. ' ' "But," replied tbe boy naively, "1 wasn't thinjring of you, sir." ■ -

Waste McNab sat by tbe fire looking tbe picture of despair. A neigbbour came in, and, noting bis dejection, wbispered to Mrs McNab: "Wbat is tbe matter wi' Mr Nab?# Has somebody diedl" "No," replied Mrs NcNabb, *'bnt a mon gave bim. a ride in his car frae tbo wiirrks, an' be's worryin' aboot a return ticket be's got for tbe tram, ye see."

Jake was celebrating bis sixteeenth birtbday witb a party. He bad had a quarrel witb one of his friends, Abe, however, and did not invite him to tbe affair. Jake's motber demanded tbat Abe Jb0 invited, and finally preyailed' upon ber son to do so. Jake called upon bis former friend. "Will you.come to my garden-party to-morrow?" he asked. "Too late now," answered Abe; ' 'last nigbt I prayed for a blizzard,"