HUMOUR

Hawke's Bay Herald-Tribune, Issue 77, 17 April 1937, Page 18

HUMOUR

| The chief constable of a small towi >>was alsCr an expert veterinary surgeon. On night the telephone bell rang. Th« chief constable 's wife answered it, "Is that Mr Jenkins?"- asked ai agtated voice. ' 'Do you want my husband in his cap» acity as veterinary surgeon or as chief c.onstable!" "Both, madam," came the reply. "Wi can't get our new bulldog to open ni| month, and tbere's a burglar in'it." "v

The two ehorus girls were having a iwordy confliet. " . "And enother thing," ''said' Clftra.' "I would-thank yon- not to go round slemming my loolffl,^ when the faot is, my face is my fortune.." Miss Sonia sniffed haughtily. "My dear girl," sbe said, -coldly, *1 did not slam your.looks. All I seid was * that. if your face was your fortun% as you said it was, you ougbt to be afirested'for passing counterfeit money."

. On bis return bome from a fortnigbt's absence, Sandy explained that he had been on holiday in London, "Mon," ccmmented Jock, "wtflt awfu' extravagance! Had ye ne sewk ' London once . already f ' ' ;'*Ay, ; but l had an invitation. I only. spent eight and .saxpence altogether." *'What, ye were invited and yet ye • spent eight and saxpence! Whatever 'oni?' ' . . . . : " "Oh, on bits o' pre'sents and fares. and postcards and tipa But maistly. on womenj" . .

TJie student's allowance had run out, so' he wrote home for more money. . Feeling a bit nervous about the impression it would make he ended his letteri . ' "P.S. — I did not like writing to you. In fact, I ran after the pojstman to get this letter back." A week later he received the following reply. "You will be glad to kndw I : did not receive your letter." '

"Why are you rushing about like this on a wet day?" inquired Mrs'Hobbs. "I'm trying to get something for my husband.' ' "Had any offers yet!" $> , ❖ Scboojmaster (to new bf>v); "Wbat is, your name?" Boy: Jule, sir." "You should say Julius, not Jule. Have you any otber name?" "Yes, sir; Billious!!"