HUMOUR

Hawke's Bay Herald-Tribune, Issue 23, 11 February 1937, Page 12

HUMOUR

She Knew Him. A country woman went to the barracks to sea her son, who had joined up some time, and as Ms name was , Smith it waa difficult to locate him. The sergeant on guaTd said to thu woman: "There'* * Smith in the officws' mess. I wonder if that'h him?" "Yes, that's 'im," said the woman. ' "Why, what makes you think so?" taid the sergeant. "Woll," said the woman, '"e was always in some mess or anofher when he was at 'ome, so it's -'ira xight enough. ' ' — Montreal Star.

Howler* X eonservatiye is a large greenhonse foll of hot air. The mmerals of Great Britain are lemonade and soda-water. X prospectns is a man who looks for gcld. JLlgebra was the wife of Enolid. X monologue is a conversation between two people — for • example, a husband and wife. — Tit-Bits.

Just as SatisfactOry His Father: "As it is your birthday, I'll cancel the five shillings you borrowed the other day, so you won't owe me anything." Clarence: "If it's just the same to you, dad, I'll take the five in cash." — Biltimore Sun.

And Through His Hat "Pa, what is a hill' billy singer?" "One that sings by ear through his nosel st

' Always Happens Rere Ko matter what you strive to do To make mankind your debtor, Somebody shows when y&u get through It inighfc be done much better.

HUMOUR lim II II ■BiilWi''*""" flh"' V to ti a Fair Diviaion When the time came for the reading >f the Scotch famer's will it 'Was found that all his property wa* left jointly to his two sons, Donald and Hamish. But the. boys found it quite ijftpossible to agree on the division of the estate. They took their problem to a local professor, auother Scot, and asked for his solution. * "It is simple," said the learhed man. "You, Donald, will divide the property ts you think fit." Donald beamed with pleasure, and Hamish 's face eloudecf. "And you, Hamish/' continued the old man, "will take whickever half you please. ' ' — Answers.

From the Back Seat. The husband drew up a chair bcside hiB wife's sewing machine the other day and remarked: "Don't you think it's running too fast? Look out, you '11 sew the wrong seam. Slow down, or you '11 stick that needle in your flnger! " "Why, what's the' matter with youf I've been running this machine for 10 years. ' ' "Oh, I was merely trying to assist you. Just as you try to help me driVe the car." — Diamond Points.

Economical "Children, I hope you pe*led the apples before eating them." "Yes, mother." "What have you done, with the peel* ings?" "Oh, we ate them.31*

Speaking of Beliefs -"She is a Woman who has gone through a great deal for her Indeed? What is her belief ?" "She believes she can Wear a Ko. 5 shoe on a Ko. 7 foot."

Some Crusts Are Like That "Where is the paper plate I gave you under your pie? ' > asked the bride. Was that a plate?" inquired ihe groom anxiously. "I thought it was the loWer crtist."