THE LUMBER ROOM

Hawke's Bay Herald-Tribune, Issue 1, 16 January 1937, Page 4

THE LUMBER ROOM

"PAUL PEY."

By

Excused; I Hope. Talking of accusations, I am reminded of Mai'k Twain's account of the Dreyfus Trial. Much of what happened was beyond Mr Clemens's comprenension, but he said thafc they kept on cailing for Jack Hughes, but whoever he was. he didn't turn up. Jack Hughes 1 Jack Hughes! (s!yly — "J'acccuse"). But, to continue, why have we had the temerity to add to the columns of print already being poured out? For the reason stated previously that we have complained about the decay iu the use of attics and we propose to garner from our lumber room such treasures of literature, such quips and jesta that we consider may lighten the daiiy load. We bind ourselve-s to no set plan, neither will we ret'rain from pullifig the long face if necessary, but we invite you to accompany us in our expeditions into our lumber room and with us blow off the dust from many a fragment of forg^tten lore. Those fresh new trinkets- too. S0011, so soon they will find theii* Way to the discard. Bo in this column will be found not only those things that have been dragged from the dusty past but also the latest verbal glitter tbat might catch the eye. Perhaps the Lumber Room will rescue from oblivion some thought or fancy that was otherwise doomed to waste its sweetness on m desert air. Taxes. The following extfact was published iu the "Edinburgh Review" about 1820 and is what is known as a "pdlitical squib." Doubtless some of us will read with a sympathetic eye. TAXES upon every Article which enters Jbhe Mouth, or covers the Back, or is placed under the Foot; TAXES upon everything which is pleasant to See. Hear. Feel, Smell and Taste; TAXES upon Warmth, Light and Locomotionj TAXES on everything on Earth and the Water® under the Earth ; on everything that comes from abroad| or is grown at homej TAXES on the raw material; TAXES on every value that is added to it by the industry of . man ; TAXES on the Sauce which pampers Man's appetite, and the Drug that restore® him to health ; on the Ei'mine Which decorates the Judge, and the'Rope which hangs the criminal ; on the Brass Nails of the Ooffin, and the Ribbanda of the Bdde. AT BED 0r AT BOARD, COTJCHANT or LEVANT, WE MUST PAY. The Schoolboy whips his TAXED TOP: the Beardless youth manages his Taxed Horse with a Taxed Bridle on a Taxed Road; and the Dying Ejnglishman, pouring his Medicine which has pajd 7 per cent. into a spoon which has paid 30 per cent. throws himself back upon his Chintz Bed which' has paid 22 per cent. MAKES HIS WILL, and expires in the armsi of an Apothacary who has paid £100 for the privilege of putting him to death. HIS WHOLE PROPERTY IS THEN TAXED FROM % per cent. to 10 per cent." Besides the Probate, large Fees are then demanded for burying him in the Chancet : his virtues are handed down to posterity on Taxed Marble j and he is then gathered to hiB Fathera to be TAXED NO MORE. * # ♦ Lifft'S BflCt. Said Dame Sybil Thorndike to an Edinburgh audience recently:- — I prefer middle age to my earlier years." When I started in London in a very lowly position I enjoyed my work 11 b much as I do now, exoept that I feel that k* you grow older you. enjoy life more, sir.ee you have a better sense of values. Give ma middle age every time. To' Dame Sybil. therefore, middle age is the golden period between thoughtless youth ,and sweet old age — called by some the noon, by others the autumn of life. Unfixed are its limits above and below— called though it be by some a "certaiu" age. As in Byron; . She was not old, nor at the years /Which certain people call a "certain age," .. Which yet the most uncertain age . appears And Byron again: Of all the barbarous middle ages tl^at Which is most barbarous is the middle age Of man, it is— I scarce know what: But when we bover between fool and sage. To Disraeli, "Youth is a bltinder, ftian* hflbd a iStrtiggle, old age a regjfht." Anothei- eulogy of middle age is given by Scott: , On his bold vigUge middle age Had slightly pressed its signet sage, Yet had not quenched the open truth And fiery vehemente Oi youth. Said the Spitier. "To think wrongly may be disastrous, but it is not criminal. To think indifferently, on the other hand, is to (jomliiit a supreme crinie agaiiist the fortunes of hiimanity. Indecision in public opinion is the open gate through which the forces of nihilism pour into the citadel of civilisation." — Gentleman With the Duster. "Life is short the occasion fieeting, experience deceitful and judgment difficult." — Aphorfsms of Hippocrates. "This is our ehief bane. that we live not according to the light of reason, but after the fashion of others." - — Seneca.