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Hastings Standard, Issue 45, 18 June 1896, Page 4

"I declare," said Mrs Spinkinwither, " what a gadder Mrs Snickerson is. I never go on the street without seeing her." Something is the matter with the hens in China, and eggs have become such a scarce article that only mandarins can have them. The people look to the Emperor to bring the hf-n.s back to the path of duty, and if he can't do it there will he rebellion. Some heartless wretch caught two cats, tied them by the tails, and put them in the cellar of a church. They kept pretty quiet until the middle of the exhortation, when they began to complain and the pastor remarked with asperity. il Will the choir please wait until its services are required ? " A pompous physician, who has been called hurriedly to a ease, said to the patient's wife—" Why. madam, did you delay sending for me until your husband was out of his mind ?" "Oh, doctor replied the wife, while he had his senses he would not let me send for you." A female evangelist in Indiana is telling the girls that not five men in a hundred are good enough for them to marry The girls go right along marrying, however, and every one of them thinks she gets one of those fine white sheep. " Has my wife been here ?" asked a aervon-s man of a clerk in a Harlem dry-good- -tore. '• Ta!l woman?" " \ret. " - lied hair :>" •• Yes. " " C ronn-eyed ? 44 \ts." •* Bonnet on sideways ?" 4 - Yes." " Bought ten yards of silk dress goods, and paid cash for it?" 44 Did that woman do this'?" " Yes." 44 Well, I don't think it could be Maria," and out he went. 44 Excuse me, sir," he said, 44 but you are something of a reading man, are you not ? " '• O yes, sir. I often read half the night through." 44 1 thought so. lam seldom mistaken in judging character. You have a passion for literature, I suppose ?" 14 Not exactly. lam a proof reader."