Odds and Ends from all Quarters.

Hastings Standard, Issue 10, 7 May 1896, Page 4

Odds and Ends from all Quarters.

The financier is the man who gets the better of the bargain.

The daughters of a millionaire always have fine figures. Some women's memories are strongest on the point of other women's old clothes. " Short reckoning makes long friends," and short pockets make long laces. It is a singular tiling that a man neYer begins to show his temper until he loses it. Politics makes strange bed-fellows who have to lie awake watching one another. It is a great deal easier to criticise a person for doing something th; l n to do it yourself. The coming woman is she who will care more for an idea than for a husband. But will she ever come"? A preacher who clings to dogma Worships by a candle-dip in a darkened room while God's glory is shining outside. " Yes," sighed Amelia. " before marriage Gorge profrs-'-d to bo willing to die f«<r me, and now lie won't even get his life in-mvd in my favour." " You made ;» slight mi-take in my poem this moraing." said the poet. " Sorry," replied the editor. •' What was it ? " "■ V\ ell, I wrote * I'iie clouds hang musky o't r the west,' and you malii' me sav, ' The crowds hang turkev o'er mv desk.' "

"Yes." said the Kevere!i>l I'r Goodman. " I always end*, avotir io write my sermons so that they can be understood and appreciated by even the dullest intellect. Before delivering them in public I invariaMv recite them to myself." Lacked Originality. —He (after morning service). A\ hat did you think of the sermon this morning. Miss Breezy? Hiss Breezy.— It seemed to mete It ck originality. Why, some of the ideas advanced are old enough to have whiskers. Though the streets of heaven are paved with gold, that metal has no commercial value there. Coins are of no nse in celestial re gions—and if they were how could the angels carry them without pockets. An absent-minded young preacher, wishing to address the young ladies of the congregation after morning service is reported to have remarked from the pulpit that he would be very glad if the female brethem of the congregation would remain after they had gone home.

Old Gentleman " Ilea-, sir, you are a regular fraud. My hair's coming out as bad as ever. This stuff isn't worth a continental." Barber; " I didn't promised that it would keep your hair from coming out. I said it would preserve your scalp. Your scalp's all there, isn't it '?" Lady visitor : " I am very sorry to see you here, my young friend. You look as if you had a good education." Convict; " Well, madam, I have been through Yale College." Lady visitor: "Is it possible ?" Convict: "Yes, that's the reason I'm here. they caught me as I was going through."