ARTICLES BY "SNYDER.”

Gisborne Standard and Cook County Gazette, Volume I, Issue 74, 1 December 1887, Page 3

ARTICLES BY "SNYDER.”

THB BND OF A JOURNALIST'S CAREEB. faiS LAST. RESOURCE. (Contino€d.) Swtkmbkkßth.— l am learningnew phases of life, some I hope to turn to good account on my own behalf. A tew afternoons ago a tradesman called and asked whether I would undertake tt» eblleet some bills for him, He ,BMn’t know whether I had much experience in that line of agency but he would say this, that if I succeeded it would establish my fame in the town and district which would certainly lead to making a fortune in almost no time. He had tried to get in those which he. Would hand me, but had made nothing of them. The bills had been rendered orer and over again. \ He Would allow me to retain twenty per Cent, of all I collected, I said I would do my best and the next day set to work. The first man called on was a baker. I civilly asked payment for three pounds ten and two pence The baker looked at the bill; laid it on the counter, placed a one pound weight oh it which 1 presume was intended to keep it from being blown away. Then hb locked at me and wanted to know

whether I thought he was made up of three pounds two and tuppences. I ■aid the bill had been contracted a long time back and should have been paid long ainoe. The baker said, perhaps 1 did not pay my own debts in such a hurry. I expressed an opinion that my personal liabilities could scarcely be considered as forming a part of the subject matter under consideration. The baker didn’t see it in the light I did. I had better call again. I said Would he name a time. The baker said he had better not, because if he did he would probably mention a day when he knew he should be away up country. I could look in at any time convenient to myself. When he was placed in funds be would look into the account to see if it was correct. He wanted to know my opinion as to whether it was rain or wind we were going to have. I got my auger aroused at so much consummate coolness. Look here, my fine fellow, I said, I have got authority to summons every one I present accounts to unless they can satisfy me they are forthcoming at a short date. And, look here you, my fine fellow, said the baker, you can summons away as soon as you like. There's a bill of sale over everything in this establishment, so that you can’t Fit anything out of me if 1 don’t like. took the liberty of reminding the baker that imprisonment for debt was not abolished in New Zealand. He Sid I eould imprison away right off. e would rather like it. He supposed then he should get in all night in bed, a luxury he had not known since he had been in the baking trade. O, certainly, summons him by all means and get judgment against him and send him to prieon. The baker really seemed to contemplate incarceration as f imething to satisfy his longings. Thw next man I called on was a publican. It was a trifling account of Eleven shillings. He looked at the bill, opened a dfaw in the counter, tossed me over half a sovereign and asked what I was going to have. I ■aid there was another shilling, which was required to square the account. He said everybody shouted when he paid an account. I asked why I should shout. In the first place ten in the morning was too early for drinking purposes. In the next place the one ■hirfing he retained was not far from the amount of my commission. I went on to say that when a butcher paid me an account he didn’t ask me to shout a sweetbread or e lamb chop or a couple of kidneys ; nor did a grocer after a settlement ask me to stand a bottle of pickles, or two ounces of orange and lembn peel, or any other thing to thb same effect; nor the baker ask me to treat him to. an abernithy | biscuit or a cottage loaf. Why should I drink when I don't want to drink, and why should I pay for a publican’s liquor when he had it in himself to dnnk whenever he felt inclined, at his

own exponto. I didn’t see it. However, he could keep the shilling if that was whet he wanted. No, he said that waan’t what he wanted. There was the shilling, but he would take darned good care never to give my master any of his custom again. I explained'that I had no desire to give offence, but I could not understand , why a man should wish to be treated ■imply, because he paid a debt he was fairly owning ; besides, I said, all these drinks one upon the other all day long must play old H arry with a man’s liver. Oh, said’ the publican, if you come to talk about livers you had better shut up. I suppose lam quite as able to take charge of my own liver as you ' are for me. Give your master my compliments and tell him for me that, he needn’t trouble to look this way again. Among the many people I called I upon was a dentist, the most jovial but most unprincipled fellow I ever had the luck to fall in with. He had advertised himself as •* Surgeon Dentist, Trinity College, Dublin ” He was not aware, until I informed him soon after his advertisement appeared, that Trinity College, Dublin, did not breed dentists. He wasn’t at all put out, not so much as a little bit. He said he thought the words had a pleasant ring in them, and supposed there was not half-a-dozen in the place besides myself would know any better. He •aid it didn’t matter. When he put his uind to it he wonldpull a man’s or a woman’s tooth out with any other fellow in the same line of business. I ■aid it was not in me to say what he could do by giving his mind to the thing, but if he undertook to give the strength of his body I would go half in a bet. that he would draw the tusks nt a full team of bullocks ; for my dentist was a County Cork man standing six feet two or more in his socks and had the chest and shoulders of a heavy weight prize fighter. But I had previously got my instructions about the dentist. Jf he did not pay I was to summons. .At the time 1 called on him he had just completed a bit of tooth extracting. Waiting until hie patient had gone I explained my business. My dear fellow, he said, I have only drawn two teeth and filled in a hollow one this last ten days. (w bs coxTntvxn.)