Joobilating the Celebree.

Gisborne Standard and Cook County Gazette, Volume I, Issue 6, 23 June 1887, Page 3

Joobilating the Celebree.

EXTRACTS FROM THE DIARY OF OUR SPECIAL REPORTER. [Editorial.] HiTCto despatched our special reporter to detail lor the benefit ot our readers, the Clebrafion ol Her Majesty's Jubilee in Gisirne; we hatuiolly expected an exhaustive resume ol the day's proceedings'. . lodge our disgust therefore when opening the office letter box oh Tuesday morning to find the following rambling idiotic account of the affair. It was written in the stylo of an intoxicated grasshopper that had made acquaintance with an ink pot and then Straddled its legs over the paper—and the paper, oh the paper I language almost fails fas. Where WM the gilt edged "best satin note " upon which all Stsmdabd lucubrations are written—alas it was not there. The epistle was written oh the backs of a proof of debt form, a blank page out of Hymns Ancient and Modern, two touct Suri papers, a J Battery circular and two portions of an Sd circus trill. The whole was enveloped a piece of brown paper, and smelt suspiciously of Usher’s whiskey and JuBQ tobacco. This fa west we have managed to make out:—

9 a.m.—Before proceeding to chronicle the events of the day, I take a preliminary nip at Scott's just to fortify the constitution. h. o wn, the Republican tailor, is already there inveighing against the " iniquities of a aabauched and tyrannous oligarchy.” Being it xovalist, I mildly remonstrate with Brown, whereon the latter denounces me as a snob, and threatens to “ knock the stuffing out of me were he sober." He eventually sobers down a little, and forces me /Precious little forcing wanted !— Ed. Jto drink a long beer, otherwise he would consider me to be " no gentleman." Commence an argument with Jones upon the numerous family of Queen Victoria, and the perpetual pension system. Arguing, by the way, u dry work, and before Jones and I had "dried up” we bad several *< WBtBe >> a 10 a.Hi.—Dickson’s. Just off to see the tnilingtary operations on the Waikanae. Notice that an ex-journalist, an oil borer, and Several "chappies” had been joolibrating. •' Joolibrate ” with them convivialiy for an hour: and off for the Waikanae. 1 a.m.—Glorious sight a review, isn’t it? Here are my rough notes, Major Porter resplendent in feathers and gold lace—about an ounce to the ton, as they say at the Thames.—Boylan’s braves up to " boiling ” point of courage.—Arrival ot Charley Ferris with his Ormond veterans in lobster colored Coats and No. 42 boots.—Gallant attack of the enemy.—Brilliant counter scarp, coup de main, feu de ioie, platoon, ravelin and other movements bv all the forces. (N.B. —Technical terms cribbed from a Military Manual). —Sergeant-Major Hyde in a forage cap, Crimean medals and a Royal Artillery stride veryiprominent.—Cadets surreptitiously “snavelling” the sangwitches provided by their thoughtful parents—these and some more Were the salient failures- Returned to Scott’s io write out notes. . 1.13, Met Smith, familiar name by .he way. He proposes a walk before lunch. Down to Madame De Costa's. Madame looks hfale) and stout, jolly and jovial. An attendant Hebe waits upon ue, more libations by way of joolibratione. A comfortable room and a cheery hostess, we celebrate by sherry and bitters, it cost her nothing and Smith a lot. Away home to lunch, where the wife of my bosom says " Why, Thomae where have you been,” and suggests wheeling the children in a perambulater to the review in the afternoon. I don’t wheel, but return quicklv by the back door. 2.3o.—Review in full swing. Battalion drawn up with Battery Baud in full swing—music improving says everybody—troops move op and down. Winter in a white helmet yells out commands. The gallant Finn and the energetic Kenny support the Major majoresticaily (majestically ? Ed.) March past and saluting the flag, the Cadets behaving most un-Warren-tably, and the Ortnond veterans with their energetic drummer making the ground quiver under the tread of their No. 42 bluchers. J Battery bang off their gun, at which shock several ladies lose off their bangs from their foreheads, and exasperated footballers anxious to beein their game to kick about the leather, 3°to.—Speechifying over. The Major loyal, loud and eloquent—expectations of crowd that the legal staff officers will orate—expectations disappointed. Tuts wires in to the point brief and manly—good man—not a bit tula logical— rather the other way about, More marching up and down—school children sing " God Save the Queen,” Mr Bull conducting. Tommy Morgan should have played the organ, but didn't. General verdict on school children—well drilled and well behaved—bravo tor Morgan, Bull & Co 4.80. Necessary to recruit ones strength for the ball; meet Brown who suggests the >• British Empire ", a good name tor Jubilee Day. Off to Finlay's where we joolibrate again. Findlay's full—l mean the hotel not the worthy host—so we joolibrate, and pass on. -■■■: — 6.80. More jubilations | head aches a little, so try a whisky and quinine at the Masonic. Tbs head getting worse, adjourn to Dickson's " where various loyal toasts were drunk, the assembled company finally singing God save the Queen with enthusiasm." /Noto by En.—Our reporter evidently im< agines himself chronicling the end of the bAßqQCte] 7.80. to 8.30.— Sleep. 8.80. to 9.Bo.—Jubilation still proceeding at the Masonic, Dickson's, the Gisborne, and other hoitdries. 10.80. to 1 —Short resume ol ball. Floor capital, somewhat slippery as I fell into the arms of a policeman early during the proceedings. "A galaxy of beauty present, the votaries of Terpsichore crowding the spacious hall." [Note by Ed.— Six pages of copy from the Reporter’s Guide and journalistic vade mecum. pages 48 to 54, " How to report a Dance ” out out by order.) I.—Meet a friend with a flask who joolibrated with me, and all sang " God save the Queen, and Rule Britannia ” five times with drinks between. 2 a.m.— More jubilations. Attempted to cross Gladstone road, but got bogged and left my boots in the mud; got rather “ muddled ” in fact. 3 a.m.—God save Queen—gracious Queen ; fine fellow ;no mean lady; bless her ; serve her, —have nother drink ole man, never mine, poor heart that never 'joices, hie, lets all celebrate, I mean joolioate celebree, free beers, no, I mean chree beers for Majesty, hie, —good night ole man; mind the mud ; Gor say Queen.”

Edztobul.

In reference to the above extraordinary account Sergeant Bullen has informed us that early on Tuesday morning an elderly man without hat ana boots, but evidently possessing a bountiful supply of whisky in the bottomless crater he calls a stomach, was brought into the station by two of the fore: on a stretcher. When searched, his pockets were found to contain two corks, an order for Dr Lynn’s show, three half-pence in copper, and two buttons. His handkerchief was marked "E.K.,” his collars “ J.P. ” his shir., W.SAI., a.-d an aromatic odour of mingled schnapps and rum pervaded the whole of bis frame. He was put to bed still ejaculating , J correspondent Standard; joolibate the celebree; • God eave the Queen.’ Hurrah 1”