ENGLISH NOTES

Gisborne Standard and Cook County Gazette, Volume I, Issue 2, 11 June 1887, Page 3

ENGLISH NOTES

(From Modern Society). Gladstone has been arrested for going about with only a sugar-bag round his waist. His only other clothing was an axe. It was not the Grand Old Man, however, but an individual whose front name was Gladstone, and who lived like a degraded chimpanzee in the Australian bush. He had an account at the bank, but he didn’t carry a chequebook about with him. Gladstone, as we have already remarked, has been run in, but, as he wore almost as much clothes as the ladies who appear at Her Majesty’s Drawing Booms, we really don’t see what the magistrate can do to him. He can only be charged with wandering about in evening dress, and surely that is no crime in a tree and enlightened country like Australia. Prince Edward of Saxe-Weimar has written to Vienna that in the hunt given in his honor by the Rajah of Behor there, he bagged nine tigers, three bears, six rhinoceroses, fourteen buffaloes, seventy-three stags, five wild boars, and one iark'l Something like sport, thisl It appears that the laying of the memorial stone of the Tower Bridge in June last by the Prince of Wales, entailed an expenditure cf £2,872, of which £1,901 was for erecting and fitting the pavilion, £394 for the trowel and jewelled emblem presented to the Prince and Princess of Wales, and the badges of the committee, and £195 for cards of invitation. Civic extravagance is beyond measure, but the time is fast approaching when such wanton waste will be next door to irnpo s’ble.

According to Shakespeare, King Stephen’s unmentionables coat him the trifling sum of two-and-six, and although this price, viewed from a modern standpoint, strikes one as being remarkably reasonable, the exacting monarch, we are told, not only declined to settle his little bill but called his sartorial adviser a series of unpleasant names. The trousers in which Master Harry Mansfield presented himself before the Lord Mayor last week were purchased, so the owner declared, for fourper.ee. In these days, when so many of Her Majesty's subjects complain of the exorbitant prices charged by their tailors, it would be a real biersing ‘if Master Harry Mansfield informed an anxious world the name and address of his tailor. There is little doubt the latter individual would be Well patronised. John Bull will, ro doubt, be mightily •mused to hear how his money is fooled tway, when he learns that at a trial ef some sword-bayonets at Enfield, the carcase of a sheep was ” dressed ” in a soldier's uniform and great coat, and that when a thrust was made with one of the said bayonets it bent in two places without penetrating to the oarcase. There is much talk about our being a nation of shopkeepers, but it would be much more appropriate if we were dubbed a (ration of fools. A suprise for Her Majesty is in contemplation at De.itend. Some original-minded soul has proposed to erect, on a suitable site, On Her Majesty’s line of route to Birmingham, a raised platform, upon which a select circle of friends will assemble, the indispensable qualification being that each must turn he scale at twenty stone. The Sovereign’s amusement at the sight will be increased ten-fold if, as has been suggested, a banner noate prouuly over the platform with (the inscription, “ Some of our greatest men.”

The tale that a contemporary tells of a lady, who during the earthquake scare on the Riviera, rushed from her room into the garden without- the beautiful golden tresses that had been so much admired, will scarcely compare with that told of another queen of be*nty, who not only forgot to don her tresses, but left her complexion on the dressing table and her rounded figure with her corsets on a chair. If we are to believe what is told us y? e .® ar ‘nquake was the cause of a good many disiHusionments and the sudden fracture of several engagements. Women, lovely women cannot always afiord to be taken by surprise. An eminent representative Australian—wo may as well call him Jumbuck—has not gone back to Australia quite as soon as he was expected. He and his friend Bigphool went off to celebrate their last night in London by a festive meal, and in the morning the lightsome Bighpool was persuaded to see Jumbuck s family on board while he himself went to say good-bye to some fnenda, Accordingly, Mrs. Jumbuck, a lady who has met with considerable success as a female, was got on to the vessel, and then, as her husband did not appear, the governess was sent in search of him Durinthe search the steamer sailed, carrying Bigphool with it, and he is now travelling involuntarily on the ticket which represents that Mrs. Jumbuck is bound to love, honour and obey him, and that he may spank the little Jumbucks should their conduct render it advisable. Jumbuck himself, meanwhile is wiping away the tears of the governess, and arranging to take that interesting young lady out by the next boat ; Mrs. Bigphool is making remarks about her husband that are more vicious than the back-tooth of an adder; ana the little Bigphools are waiting for their pa. ’ The signs are that somebody will get hurt.