LAUGH WITH ME.

Grey River Argus, 26 February 1927, Page 3 (Supplement)

LAUGH WITH ME.

SOME UP-TO-DATE STORIES. AND AMUSING SKITS. (By George Mozart, the celebrated comedian). This is the first uf a scries of stories and skits by one of London’s chief laughter-makers. Those who enjox bright, crisp humour should look for this column each week. “This is a water spout.” said the sailor as he accidentally dropped into a temperance lecture. It is always annoying to get ihe wrong number on the telephone Sometimes you also get a suiprise, jps a lady friend of mine did the other day. “Is that the playhouse ” she asked sweetly. “No fear! Only wish it was,” answered a cynical voice. ‘‘This is a bloomin ’ workshop—not ’arf, ic ’aint! ’ “It is seldom that a man has more than one start in life.'-’ “I don’t agree . My father is al ways ” “How? Is he nervous?” ‘ 4 No; he's a jockey! ’ ’ Dinks; How does you dog like your new neighbour? Shanks: It’s a little too early tc say; he’s only had one small piece up io the present. Amateur conjuror (addressing ooy ‘Aho is assisting him): There, laddie! lou see I can produce eggs from a top-

hat. Your mother can’t get eggs without hens, can She? Laddie: Yes, she can. Conjuror: How’s tliat? Laddie: She keeps ducks. They had reached their destination after an enjoyable game of cards in the train. “Sorry!” said the Englishman, who had lost 5/J, “I have ’»o coppers; I can't give you the odd penny.” “Never mind,” answered the Scotsman, “I’ll just take your newspaper. ” “I’ve learned one thing since I’ve been down here,” said the pale faced man to the farmer. “Crows don't make a noise without ‘caws.’ ” Teacher: What is the name of that insignificant creature which provides the silk tor your mother’s dresses*' s Small boy: Why, father. Traveller (to coloured attendant at a Far West hotel): What are you zibout. yon black rascal? You’ve roused me twice to tell me breakfast is ready, and now you’re attempting to strip off the bedclothes. What do you mean by it Sambo: Why, if you isn’t going to get up, I must hab de sheet anyhow, ’cause dey’re waitin’ for de tableclof. “No!” shrieked the tub-thumper, “a teetotaller will never be hanged.” “’Ow’s that?” yelled the multitude. “Because he objects to a drop too much,” cried the tub-thumper, waving his umbrella frantically. The multitude eventually overtook him! A man complained to the barman j about the bitter. “There’s sediment (n it,” said the customer. The barman approached the landlord

“Beg pardon, sir,” he said, “but a customer’s complaining about the bitter, and says there’s some clement in pt” i “No!” the landlord replied, “you I mean sediment.” | “I don’t know what the el-e-nient,” ]said the barman, “but 1 know what ’e said ’e meant!” | A father had taken his son, on his 21st birthday, to his first public dinner. | Tather cautioned his offspring that when the two statues at the end of he I ball looked like four he would know I that he had had enough champagne. “But, father,” protested the youth “there’s only one there now!” Pedestrian (to lively gamin): Tommy, Irjy good boy, what’s the way to Epeom ? Tommy: How d’yer know my name's Tommy? Pedestrian: I guessed it. Tommy: And that I was a good boy? Pedestrian: I guessed it. Tommy: Then guess the wa v to Epsom. Sedate old person: Out of the mouths of babes cometh wisdom. Testy old person: Served up nowadays with a lot of unnecessary sauce. “Bindie has run away with Miggs’ wife, and Miggs is running after him. “What for? To kill him?” “No, to thank him!” A Scotsman was run over and killed in a street while looking for a throe pennypiece he had dropped. A erdict* Death from natural causes.