MR HOFF AND THE SPIDER.

Grey River Argus, Volume XV, Issue 1946, 31 October 1874, Page 3

MR HOFF AND THE SPIDER.

A New York humorist says :— Old Mr Collamore, who goes to our church, is very deaf. Last Sunday, in the midst of the service, Mr Hoff, who sits imediately behind Mr Collamore, saw a spider walking up the latter's bald head. His first impulse was to nudge him and tell him about it, but he remembered that he was deaf, so he lifted his hand and brushed the spider off. Hoff didn't aim quite high enough and consequently, in his nervousness he hit Collamore a rather severe blow ; the old man turned round in a rage, to see who had dared to take such a liberty with him, and Hoff began to explain with gestures the cause of the occurrence. But Collamore, in a loud voice, demanded what he meant. It was painful for Hoff. The eyes of the whole congregation were upon him, and he grew red in the face, and in desperation exclaimed — " There was a spider on your head." "A white place on my head eh? ; S'pose'n there is, what's that to you, " said Collamore, " you'll know what it is to be bald-headed yourself some day. " j " It was a spider,. " shrieked Hoff, while the congregation smiled, and the perspiration began to roll down his cheeks. "Certainly it's wider, " said Collamore, " and it's got more in it than yours. But you let my head alone in church. " " Mr Collamore," shrieked Hoff, "there was a bug on your head, and I brushed it off this way, " and Hoff made another gesture at Collamore's head. The old man thought he was going to fight him there and then, and hurling his hymn-book at Hoff, he seized the kneeling stool on the floor of the pew and was about to bang Hoff, when the sexton interfered. An explanation was written on the fly-leaf of the hymn-book whereupon Mr Collamore apologised in a boisterous voice, and resumed his seat. Then the service proceeded. They think of asking Mr Collamore to worship elsewhere.