TELEGRAPHIC TRASH.

Grey River Argus, Volume XIII, Issue 1643, 10 November 1873, Page 2

TELEGRAPHIC TRASH.

[nelson majl.J I have devoted much time of late to the perusal of telegrams with which the papers have more than usually crowded during the past week, and I begin to think that when a really good " Punch " is established in New Zealand, it will find ample food for amusement in the telegraphic columns of the daily journals. I do not mean to say that leading articles and local paragraphs are always proof against the shafts of a humorous critic, but the more costly portion of the news of the day offers an; especially inviting theme to anyone disposed to be funny thereon. In the, first place I should recommend the abolition of the heading " Telegraphic Intelligence," and suggest that the column should appear somewhat in this fashion, ■;.-.'' ' > HOT. Mr Fortunatus, who recently occupied the comparatively obscure post of town clerk, has married Miss Moneybags, wHo is said to have a fortune of her own of Llo.ooo.— Mrs Prolific has given birth to three children all of a heap. — The Colonial Treasurer is going to do somebody else's work, and the office hours are to be from 9.30 to 9.40 instead of from 10 to 4. — Mrs Careless's little girl had her nose scalded the other day by the steam from the spout of a kettle. It is not likely to prove very serious. — Mr Handicap's Scrubber and Mr Blackleg's Ginger ran an exciting race to-day for five bob a-side. — It .-is said that Mr Dash will resign from *he contest for the Superintendency in favor of Mr Blank.— Mr Dash denies that he has any intention of resigning. — The Carandinis had a good house, last night. — The hairless horse eat a pound of lollies and wagged his tail twiceJyesterday in the presence of severallittle boys. He is going to Nelson to-morrow.— All the single girls who arrived by the ship Matrimony yesterday were .engaged; this morning.— A ship is signalled supposed to be the Flying Dutchman. The ; ship signalled yesterday was not the Flying Dutchman after all. — It looks like rain. — The weather cleared last night. —Mrl Smith was elected Town Councillor this morning vice Mr Brown resigned, &c, &c, &c. ' There is very little exaggeration about the above, which fairly represent a great many of the items of telegraphic news for which newspaper proprietors are called upon to pay, and which the public are supposed to read. Were not the telegraph agents in such a hurry to forward this rubbish it certainly would never be read outside the immediate locality where the events occur, for no editor or sub-editor would think of clipping it from the local papers, and yet it is thought worthy to be telegraphed at a cost of about a farthing a word. No paper with a large circulation would object to pay for really interesting news, but as such matters are at present managed, the telegraph leads to an expenditure as large as it is foolish and uncalled for. . . .: -.j