A MUNICIPAL COUNCIL

Grey River Argus, Volume XII, Issue 1285, 11 September 1872, Page 2

A MUNICIPAL COUNCIL

[MELBOURNE DAILY TELEGRAPH.]

There is no occasion to single out any particular council of any individual city or town. All are pretty much alike in their mode of conducting business. There are model boroughs, of course, where everything's supposed to. work smoothly; there i 3 the shire council, where the secretary has his own. way, and the members, behave with all due. humility ; and there are road boards, ; at which every member has a different opinion, and wi.ll insist on expressing it oh the very slightest provo- . cation. Let us take a city council in one of the three cities of the colony, never mind which. Time — afternoon ; present —the Mayor, .the town clerk, and half-a-dozen councillors, and the representatives of the Press, ■ men " whose hairs are gradually turning grey under the infliction of this particular duty. The' town clerk will read the minutes of the last meeting. The minutes are read, the councillors engage in a desultory conversation, the Mayor indulges in a short sleep, no one hears anything, and after a few minutes the Mayor wakes up, signs his name, and looks sapient. Tne correspondence from the council to individuals outside is then read in a similar manner, and after that comes on the correspondence to the council. Peter Tomkins wants a drain near his house, and twenty respectable ratepayers back his application. •In accordance .with" : the system alluded to, this letter ought to be referred to some committee or other, and it generally is, But generally, also, there is some one.present who wants to speak. He desires to know why Mr Tomkins shouldhave a draiu when Mr Jenkins has not, and it is not until it has been shown that Mr Jenkins has. a drain that this gentleman will allow the business to be proceeded with. Another letter is next read, in which Mr Jones wants his rates remitted, for the very excellent "reason that he cannot pay them. Some other councillor, however, who has also an insolvent -ratepayer on hand, objects to the application 'of this righteous principle in this instance, and there is another dispute, after which Mr Jones is also handed over to a committee The same thing is done with about 20 othar letters, and the correspondence is then handed over to the members of the Press, who pounce upon it with savage impatience, and succeed ,:in- about a quarter of an hour in makins; some approach to sense out of it, During this interval accounts are being passed,- and as these are really dealt with in committee, the work is not long. The question of contracts is- next brought forward; and then commences the: fun of the fair. Somehow or other there has never yet been found a town councillor who will accept the decision of any committee on the subject of contracts. He has, the greatest respect for his colleagues personally, but in the matter of contracts he suspects them all round. As a general rule he wguld not doubt on« of their words for anything,, but when the question of contracts is under discussion he is a complete a thorough sceptic. He. would doubt even Truth herself/ if she had any interest in a contract for bricking lip her well. Up to his feet springs the representative of Jones Ward. " What is this contract, Mr Mayor, that the councillor for Tom's Ward wants us to accept? Who knows, Mr Mayor? Who can tell whether there is not a * knock out' in the matter ] Hasn't Councillor Beerhouse an interest in three public houses in that locality, and won't all the workmen get drunk there? Wasn't the worthy councillor seen drinking with the contractor in his own bar, and didn't the contractor shout ? I ask Councillor Beerhouse, didn't he shout?" Then Councillor Moleskins : " I rise to order, Mr Mayor. What right has the representative of Jones' Ward to say this ? Hasn't he eight public houses •and a brewery in another street, and isn't his brother-in-law the holder of two contracts?"

Councillor Chemist : Point of order.

Half-a-dozen councillors all at once: " Yes, poiut of order." Member of Press confidently to other member : "I say, old fellow, what the deuce is all this about?"

Other member : Oh, something about a contract. What-yon-may-call-him says someone has shouted for Beerhouse, and he has given ljith a contract fqr 4fii n g SO. Eirst member of Bress : Very sensible thing too. Can't hear a word they say though.

Other member: All the better for them. They are always doing that sort of thing... ■„-.■■.; . •;■;-■■ .- ; f V . .■;■;. ■ ■•;■ . ; The Mayor— despairingly : Order, gentlemen, order. • ; Half-a-dozen councillors, .touched up by three others who had jn'st come in — " What's the point of order ? Question?" A confused discussion follows, during which the town clerk reads a letter, and eventually, after about half an hour, Beerhouse explains that he and the contractor were having a solemn drink to celebrate the recovery of the Prince of Wales."'.'- The accusing councillor declares that the fact of his doing so was worthy of his position, and after Councillor Moleskins had withdrawn his statement, with a muttered remark that he believes himself to be right, the matter drops, and the contract confirmed. But this is not all. Councillor Chemist has a hobby. He wants to build a new -clock -tower, or he has an idea that there ought to be washatands, with clean towels, ready at the corner of i every street. He has pranced about on this hobby until everybody is tired but himself,. but he wou't dismount, although he. learns that there is not the slightest chance of his ever reaching his journey's end. So he mounts again, and proceeds to ride furiously. For an hour or so he keeps up the pace in the midst of-a general murmur ot convsrsation, while tho Mayor reads a newspaper, and the reporters make no response to the appealing glances

which the speaker casts upon them. They have already recorded his views half a dozen: times already, and the Press is so. far\a i religious reformer that it has no fancy for or sympathy with vain repetitions. But that is nothing to Councillor Chemist. There are two ardent admirers in the portion of the Council Cham bera open to the public, aid to those he speaks — " Are the citizens alwayd to be dirty ?" he asks. "Ard clean towels to be unknown ? Is the taint of being unwashed always to bY flung in the face of the noblest work of ' God, the honest working man, &c. No, Mr Mayor (that unhappy gentleman having dismally looked up from his paper) ho sir, it must not be so. In the interests of humauity and decency, sir, I, representing a large and important section of the ratepayers^ look the'councillors in the face, and ask for clean towels, for suffering people. < The .worthy " councillor opposite is ' a man of taste ' I appeal to him." This, is too much however for the "worthy councillor." He objects tobeing called " a man of taste," and straightway rises to order. There is another lengthy: discussion on this question, and at last " in deference to you sir, only in. deference to you," .Councillor Chemist withdraws his 'remark, an .d declares that the worthy councillor ho referred to his a "man : of rio^taste^' A smile of gratification flits over the face of that gentleman, and for another quarter of an hour the hobby horse is ridden. At last, even that patient animal is tired^out, and after every councillor in the room has spoken, Councillor Chemist consents^ withdraw-- this motion; .-.: He : -has* done? it several times before, and is quite ready to do it again. He knows perfectiy well he will never get ' what he wants, but; he cannot resist the temptation of talking to those two admirers in the gallery. Sometimes, but not always-, there is warmer work even'than this " worthy councillors" have been known : . riot to withdraw ; " worthy councillors " have been known to use harsher language even than this. In some secluded country towns, worshipful mayors and worthy councillors have been settling a little personal dispute in the Queen's, highway, and words have been applied in ,the council chamber which would induce an observer to" believe that the i representatives of the ratepayers are in training "for Parliament. But somehow or other nothing comes of it. The business of the ratepayers gets carried on somehow or other, and, with the exception of an occasional scandal, very little is said about, it. It is only when the ratepayer pays a ' visit to the counoil chamber himself, and afterwards walks in the streets of a city with his nose perfectly crammed -with unsavoury odours, that he comes to the conclusion that, after all, there might be a little less talk and more actual work, and that if the men he sendsin to represent him are really what they declare each other to be, he might just as well, 1 if not better, do without them. But the reflection is not a permanent one. - As he x gets oat of the region of unsavoury odours, he remembers that Chemist is a. very decent fellow, that ' Beerhouse has ' a capital tap, and that after all it might he worse. So he might,' oh, . smell-haunted ratepayer ! but at the same time, might' it not be considerably better ? . .:.'[