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Grey River Argus, Volume IX, Issue 723, 6 September 1870, Page 4

" What makes you look so glum, Tom ?" " Oh, I had to endure such a sad trial to my feelings." " What on earth was it ?" "Why, I had to tie a pretty girl's bonnet while her ma was looking on." Briggs has a faculty for getting thing 3 cheap. The other day he had a beautiful set of teeth inserted for nothing. He kicked a dog. "Lenny, you're a pig," said a father to his little five year old boy. — "Now, do you know what a pig is, Lenny ?" " Yes, sir ; a hog's little hoy." " What did the Israelites do after they crossed the Red Sea ?" asked a superintendent of a Sunday school. "They dried themselves," said a shrill : voiced little girl. A fragmatkal young fellow sitting at a table over against the learned John Scott, asked him what difference there was between Scolt aud Sot. "Just the breadth of the table," answered the other. While at New York, Mr Sala, the author, became intimate with Jamieson, the actor. When Mr Jefferson, another actor, was over in England, Sala imagined it was Jamieson, .and sent him a note — "On Sunday, at halfpast six — pork and greens ! Come on, old enss !"' As Mr Jefferson was a stranger to Mr Sala, he was a little surprised ; but he went, and ' the host bads no reason to regret the mistake. Witty Perversion. — Dr Williamson had a quarrel with one of his parishioners by the : name of : Hardy, who showed considerable resentment. On the succeeding Sunday the doctor preached from the following text, which he pronounced with much emphasis, and with a significant look at Hardy, who was present : ' There is no fool like the foolhardy." American versatility has often been the subject of remark. A striking instance of it is given in the evidence of one of the witnesses at the M'Farland trial. Mr J. C. Howell thus describes his various occupations: — "Have been in the daguerrotype business one year ; carried it on in Freepoit, 111. ; published a paper five months at Freeport ; practised dentistry in 1849 ; practised, it ten years altogether ; was a drug clerk in Ohio ; in 1840 worked on a farm ; nave been in the Government service since 1881 ; was a clerk in the Indian department in Washington city ; sold patenfrrights in 1864 ; was in that .business one year; was Inspector of Customs in New York city in November, 1864 ; held that office two years ; then I came down to the hairpin business ; consider myself now an inventor."