AMUSING AND INTSRUCTIVE.

Grey River Argus, Volume IX, Issue 704, 23 July 1870, Page 1 (Supplement)

AMUSING AND INTSRUCTIVE.

"You have the making of me," as the mustard said to the cook. If yon 'undertake to oversee to any jobs, you will overlook a part. The woman question — " Where did you buy your back hair ?" . The Boston Post thinks it very imprudent in a man to promise his doctor a legacy. A young man who has recently taken a wife, says he did not find it" half so hard to get married as he did to get furniture. In proportion as we ascend the social scale we find as much mud there as below, only it I is hard and gilded. . ' ; Advice is like snow, the softer it falls the longer it dwells upon, and the deeper it sinks into, the 'mind. Strange as it may seem, it is nevertheless a fact that if you cut off your left hand, your right becomes your left" i New York has a Justice of peace who decides that a verbal contract is not good without a stamp. If a man talks insolently to yon under the plea of candmr, yon may Knock him down under the plea of infirmity of temper. An advertiser in one of the papers says he has a cottage to let containing eight rooms and an " acre of land." A patent medicine vendor, in New York, advertises pills and ointment that will cure the worst fib of any pair of boots. An Hibernian senator, speaking of suicide, sai<l, "The only w xy to stop it is to make it a capital offence, punishable with death." The most ignorant have sufficient knowledge to detect the faults of others ; the most clear-siglited are blind to their own. *' Dear Laura, when we were cotirting, you were very dear to me ; hut now you're' my. wife, and I am paying your bills, you seem to get dearer aud dearer J" A pert girl boasted to one of her little friends that her father kept a carriage. " Ah, but my father drives an omnibus," was the triumphaut reply. A victim of sea-sickness described is sensation thus : " The first hour I was afraid 1 should die ; the second hour T was more afraid I shouldn't." "Were you born in wedlock?" asked a, lawyer, in. examining a witness. "No, sir," answered the man ; " I was born in Ohio." An artist painted a cannon so natural, tbe other day, that when he finished the touchhole it went off. Sorry to say it was taken for the rent by the broker.