AMUSING AND INSTRUCTIVE.

Grey River Argus, Volume VIII, Issue 553, 3 August 1869, Page 4

AMUSING AND INSTRUCTIVE.

A man without money i« like a bird without wings or a ship wituout sail 3. Mr Brown, the plaintiff iv a libel case tried at Bristol the other day, answering a question put by Baron Channel, replied inadvertently, " Yes, my dear," iustead of " Yes, my Lord." Perhaps the honest mau was thinking of his wife. A Scotchman, being informed by a betting acquaintance, "His friend the Captain" would obligingly hold the stakes, replied, like a canny Northener as he was, " Aye, aye, but, wha'll had the Captain ?" "I think all girls are really good and sweet," said an enthusiastic urchin. — " Then where do the bad women come from ?". asked his bachelor uncle — "Oh," he replied, " they're the sweet girls turned sour !" Twins — 2 much. A Blunder-buss — Kissing the wrong girl. After using a sewing-machine a lady reaped up an old dress. Bliss. — Happiness boiling over, and running down, both sides of the pot. When lovers quarrel, the only presents made on either side not returned are the kisses. " What kind of a waist has the ocean?" asked a fashionable young lady of her lover. ■" A watery vaite, my dear." What game does a lady's bustle resemble ? — Backgammon. Where are happiness and contentment always to be found ? — ln the dictionary. In Ohio they divorce husband and wife if either party snore 3 so loud that the other can't sleep. . . , Marriage. — An altar on which man lays his pocket-book and woman her love letters. Solomon advised the sluggard to go to the ant. In our day the sluggard often has to go to his "uncle." A man who had a scolding wife, being asked what he did for a living, replied that" he kept a hot-house. There is a good deal of hop in a gallon of ale, but there is more stagger in a pint of whisky. A Welsh Proverb. — If a woman were as quick with her feet as with her tongue, she'd catch lightning enough to kindle the fire in the morning. There are two periods in the life of man, at which he is too wise to tell woman the exact truth ; when he is in love — and when he isn't. # " The height tf politeness is passing round upon the opposite side of a lady, when; walking with her, in order not to step upon her shadow. A Mississippian, in bracging about his wife, wound up with the declaration, " Why, she'd make a regular high-pressure steamer, she|s such a talent for" blowing up !": Womau knows the value of most things, and is always ready to exchange them. '. when the rate is in her favor. See how quickly a woman's name is given up for a man's. "Why, Mr Jo les, are you drunk?" exclaimed Mrs J., as her husband came;staggering into the house, late at night. ".N — no, my dear," said Jones, "n — not d— drunk, but only diz— dizzy fr — from Loking at the fel — fellers go round on their r/ossipedes !" An Irishman telling what he called an excellent story, a gentlemen observed that he had met with it in a book published many years ago. " Confound those ancients," said Teague, "they .are always stealing one's good thoughts. " A certain M.P. may carry Jus j bills for enabling a man to marry his wife's sister ; but when shall we see a bill passed for enabling a man to exist in the same house with his wife's mother. The show window of a certain, corset maker exhibits a singular instance of illiterate diction. On a card appears the following sentence:—"All kinds of ladies stays he^." A letter, bearing the following : address, was lately received at the Post Od^ce,.Pprt- j patrick :— "From Ireland to Scotland care of Ebigal Wilson, dry Lodger portpatrick to the Boys Sister that lodged with you that played the Fiddle from Ireland To be left at the Corner House till called for." .