AMUSING AND INSTRUCTIVE.

Grey River Argus, Volume VIII, Issue 539, 1 July 1869, Page 4

AMUSING AND INSTRUCTIVE.

The result of going out for a "Lark' generally is, that the last part of the Lark seen is the Beak. Some one said of a widower's second marriage, "God forgave him once and he has married again." "lam a broken man," said a poet. "So I should think," was the answer, "forJ have seen your pieces." A dandy ordering a pair of pantaloons of hia tailor, Baid that he wanted them very tight, according to the latest fashion. "If I can get them on," said he, "1 won't take, them." He who asks to see his wife's account is a snob. He who, asked by her, looks at them, is a fool. But he who, after inspection, diminishes her allowance, is a beast. My first is what lies at the door ; my second is a kind of grain ; my third is what nobody can do without, and my whole is one of the United States. Mat-ri-mony. Almost every man wastes part of his life in attempts to display qualities which he does not possess, and to gain applause which he cannot keep. A highwayman and a chimney-sweeper were condemned to be hanged at the same time at Tyburn — the first for an exploit on the highway, the latter for a more ignoble robbery. "Keep further off, can't you?' said the highwayman, with some disdain. " Sir," replied the sweep, " I won't keep off; I have as much right to be here as you." There is only one thing worse than ignorance, and that is conceit. Of all iutractibls fools, deliver us from an overwise man. You may make idiots philosophers — but don't ever thiuk of driving common sense into the heads of conceited persons. They are as impregnable to argument as Gibralter is to an apple dumpling. A gentleman called to see a tenement that was to be let. It was showu to him by a pretty, chatty woman, whose manners charmed her visitor. "Are you to be let, too !" inquired he with a languishing look. " Yes," said she, "I am ; I'm to be| let alone." A clergyman tells the following anecdote. He had taught an old man in his parish to read, and had found him an apt pupil. After the lessons had finished, he had not been able to call at the cottage for some time, and when he did he only found the wife at home. '•How's John?" said my friend. . "He', canny, sir," said his wife. " How does hs get on with his reading?" Nicely, sir." ' ' Ah, I suppose he'll read his bible very comfortably now." "Bible, sir! bless you, he was out of the bible and into the newspaper long ago." There are two directly opposite reasons why a man sometimes canuot get credit : one is, because he is not known ; and the other is because he is.