LITERATURE.

Globe, Volume XXIV, Issue 2552, 13 June 1882, Page 4

LITERATURE.

THE BATTLES IN OUR KITOaEV. My wife, having changed housemaids eleven timet within the two years after our marriage, began to view the servant question from the standpoint of moat ladies who are getting experienced in housekeeping. She declared it to be very tiresome. Nine of our housemaids had gone off in tantrum), saying they could not stand Elizi, the cook ; only two had been dismissed, one for being tipsy, the other for attiring herself in one of my wife's dresses, which exactly fitted her, to go out for a Sunday walk with her young man. But these two had also affirmed that they could not have stood cook a Bingle day longer.. What was to be done ? Eliza, thoug a little rough, a little shrill of tongue, rather hot-faced, and short of temper (I don't know whether I could have stood her myself for continual social intercourse) was a good servant, aotive, olean and skilful in her own department. Her ever-recurring complaint against the housemaids was that they were lazy slatterns, saucy, greedy, and tale-bearers. Eliza had been with us since our marriage, and her great merit in my eyes was that she evinced a motherly sort of fondness for my sweet tempered little wife, whom sne always treated with proper respect. I must add that sho seldom fell out with our baby's nurse, Dorothea, a poseycheeked young countrywoman of a stolid nature, who could put np with a great deal of nagging without showing that she minded it in the least. The pair had occasional tiffs, but when the cook's fire beoame too hot, Dorothea always had the resonrce of retreating to the nursery, where Eliza oould not follow her. No such refuge, however, was opeu to the housemaids, who, when sore pressed, had to conquer, or yield on the kltoben battlefield itself—an exasperating alternative, which drove the fiercest of them to forlorn hope charges with their finger nails upon the cook's face and cap. So when our eleventh housemaid was sulkily going through her last week's serrice it became necessary to look once more for a girl who was not slatternly, greedy, and mendacious, and who would be likely to stand cook. It was at this junotnre that my wife was advised by a friend to apply to the " Christian Maidservants' Training Association," which had a home in the suburban district where we resided. One evening when I returned from my office my wife told me in good spirits that she had been to the home, and had seen a servant who, she felt sure would suit us—such a nioe girl, so well trained, modest, and respectful. ' This will be her first place,' added my wife ; * and if the references I gave are found satisfactory, she will be sent to us On Monday.'

■ References ?' I asked ; 'to whom ? To our former housemaids ?'

' Oh, no, dear,' laughed my wife; 'to the reotor of our parish, and to your banker. They wanted another reference besides the clergyman You see, this a very reipeotable institution indeed; the managing board is composed of olergymen and ladies, and they are very particular for the (girls' own Bakes not to send them to suspicious houses. It seems all the girls have been brought up from childhood in a oountry school connected with the home ; and when they go out to service, they receive an outfit, whioh they pay for afterwards out of their wages. Then the ladies of the Board continue to look after them while they are in service, calling upon them occasionally to give good advloe, and if the mtstretsjjs have any complaint to make, they have only to write to the Board.' My little wife seemed to be quite struck with the propriety of these arrangements, and we could only hope that our rector would condescend to give us a good character. It appears that hn did so, for on the following Monday, when I oame home to dinner, the door was opened by a very nicelooking girl, with the neatest of caps and aprons, who answered to the name of Nanoy. She was barely seventeen years old, and had really been well trained. Though not exceptionally intelligent, she listened atten-

tively to what was told her, and did her best to please, the had been brought to our house by one of the ladies of the Biard, who had given her (though not in her hearing) the best character for temper and good conduot, and who had stated, moreover, that Nancy's father and mother were both living and thoroughly respectable people. The father was a sober, steady journeyman joiner in London, who had never once in ten years missed the punctual payment of hla children's schooling. Two of his youngest daughters were being educated io. the asao iciation's school at that moment. All this was satisfactory enough, and for a twelfth time my wife wtnt the round of the house with the new housemaid, instructing her in her duties, and warning her gently against some of the faults that had proved stumb-ling-blocks to hor eleven predecesßorß. My i wife even ventured upon a supplication to ! the cook not to be too strict with Nanoy at fiist, and Eliza was pleased to Bay that she liked the look of the girl, and would, no donbt, do well when she had got used to the place. After that ensued two months of something as nearly approaching to domestic bliss as possible. There were no fightß downstairs. Nanoy was not accused of being saucy, or of carrying tattle about her master and mistress to the housemaids of our neighbors. She herself was oontented, or at least seemed so to me, when I was at home, and in reply to my occasional questions, my wife answered that the girl was doing well. But at the end of two months all the u-nal signs of trouble greeted me again one evening at dinner. My wife silent and serious, Nanoy with red rims round_ her eyes, plates handed round with an air of dolefulness, orders given in a cold tone —by these tokens I was quite prepared for the oft repeated tale which greeted me as soon as the cloth was removed.

' I am eorry to say, dear, there has been another disturbance in the kitchen. The truth is, Nancy is a little slow.' •Djn't you think, dear, cook is rather too quick? Nancy seems to me willing enough.' My little wife tried to look particularly solemn.

' I am sorry to say, dear, there is something muoh worse. Nanoy has begun to fl rl with the b>ker's man.'

' Oh! vrell, we didn't bargain to take a nun into our aervioe.' ' Yes i but the baker's man waa seen to give her a kiaß !' ' H'm• perhaps that waa the baker's man's fault.'

' Yes; but Nancy should have oome and told me of it.'

I looked somewhat archly at the partner of my joys and troubles, and ventured to ask whether girls were always in the habit of rushing off to their superiors to say they had been kissed ? I was told not to be a goose; but then the question was propounded without any assertion of rigid virtue this time. ,

'What on earth can we do? Nancy declares that she oan't stand cook, and I am afraid that now they have begun to quarrel there will be no end to it.' I do not much like interfering with those domestic affairs, which are better managed by ladies than by men; but as Eliza had swept eleven girls out of our home like so many rags, I thought the time had come for reading her a benign lecture on forbearance To make this less bitter, I had her summoned to my steady and spoke to her alone ; nor had I any fault to find with the manner in which my reproof was received. Blizi declared that for her kind mistress she would go through fire and water (an assur anoe which, though meaningless, never fails in its effect) ; that she for her part wished no harm to Nancy, but as the girl was young she had tried to do her duty in teaching her to 'be'ave herself,' a task by no means as easy as I might suppose, seeing that many girls with smooth faces were ' the drattest hussies going, and would lie to any Christian face, bold as brats.' The result of all this was that peace was restored in the kitchen for three days, after which a worse rumpus than ever took place, and brought Nanoy screaming into my presence for justice. Bat, unlike the other housemaids, Nacy did not say she would leave our house ; she deolared that she knew her rights, and would appeal ' to the Board' to uphold them. This threat waa made in highly excited language, just as I was setting out for my offioo, and it seems that the moment I was gone Nanoy wrote a hurried line to the - Board' and confied it to the grocer's boy to leave at the home on his way. This took place on a Thursday, whioh was the meeting day of the Board, and the aoncequenee was that in the course of the afternoon my astonished little wife received a vioit from a Mrs Fitoher and a Rev. Silas Snxam, who came as commission era appointed to inquire into our domestic troubles, examine witnesses, and pronounce sentence. The 000 l deliberation with whioh they proceeded to their work might have staggered me had I been at home, and it completely overawed my wife, who mast have felt as if martial law had been proclaimed in her d sturbed little realm, and as though her own mild rule had been superseded by royal authority. Mrs Pitcher asked if my wife would have any objeotion to oall In oar three servants, to be examined separately and afterwards to have them all three confronted together ? How could my wife object ? The bell was rung. Nanoy marched In first as complainant, and the details of the court martial proceedings which ensued were told me that evening in a tone of admiring wonder at the perspioaoity evinced by Mrs Pitoher as the oross-questioner and at the acumen displayed by the Rev, Silas Saxum as a judge. ' Oh, dear; would you ever have believed it ? Cook was detected in telling five falsehoods !'

' She has a ready tongue, it seems, sb well as a shrill one. Was anything else elicited ? *

* Oh, yes, you have no idea how clever Mrs Pitcher was. She made all the servants speak what was on their minds ; she remembered all they said, and proved Eliza's fibs out of her own month. Then nurse turned round upon cook and accused her of robbing üb, saying that Eliza has been In the habit of taking out a basket full of meat, flour, groceries, wine, and other things every evening, and selling them to some friends of hers ; and so we all went down into the kitchen, and I declare we found cook's basket for to-day already made up and hidden In the coal-cellar. Gould you have believed suoh dishonesty ?' ' Well, dear, I suppose experience must r e paid for ; but what about Nancy and the baker's man ?'

6b, Nancy told the truth about it,' said my wife, gravely: ' nobody who knows Mrs Pitcher would deceive her, I think; and Nancy did not even try. the cried and faltered a good deal, but confessed that the baker—what a bold, bad man he must be, Hemy—had kissed her three times.' ■ And what did Mrs Pitoher say to that V ''She and Mr Saxnm left, saying they would oonsider their report to the Board,' answered my wife, ' and Mr Saxnm promised that he would call on you himself, probably this evening.' I did not well see why Mr Saxnm should think it necessary to honor me with a visit; but before I could prepare my mind for the encounter that reverend gentleman was announced. He oame without Mrs Pitoher, and begged that he might see me in private. He was a tall, broad-cheated man, with bushy whlske't, a knowing eye, and a firm upper lip. There was a judicial peremptoriness in his manner, slightly tempered with ecclesiastical suavity; and he looked well suited to the summary examination—and, if need were, punishment —of small boys and girls at a parochial school. When I had conducted him to my study. I began by thanking him for having bo kindly held an assize under my roof-tree during my absence.

'lt was my duty, Mr Blank,' responded Mr Saxum, impressively; ' you are aware that the maid servants whom we send from our home remain under the parental snpervi. slon of onr Board Had Mrs Blank declined to permit Mrs Pitcher and myself to examine your cook and nurse, we must have removed Nancy from this house ' I bowed my acknowledgments. • After what has transpired, Mr Saxum, I shall, of course, give our oook warning.' •I presume so; but, Mr Blank, do yon oonsider that Is.enough P Mrs Pitcher and I were much grieved to hear that Nanoy's morals have already been assailed by your baker's man. May I ask whose fanlt that isP'

I ventured to designate the baker's mtn as the onlprit ; but Mr Saxum waved his hand as if I were a small boy trying to equivocate. ' Let me put the matter before you In this way, Mr Blank. Supposing a wolf prowls around a sheepfold, and sets his fangs upon

a lamb—a tender ewe lamb—are the ahep herd and his cheep-dog in no wiie to blame ? '

I thought I would parry off thia searching question faoetiously. ' The truth Ib, Mr Saxum, I am a flhoopdog who hat business in thia city.' ■ Ah, sir,' exclaimed the reverend gentle min in evident displeasure at such levity, 'on the day when all responsibilities are laid bare, and when you are asked to account for the polluted soul of the hand-maiden within your gates, do you think it will be enough to say that yon had business in the city ? • • • The f aot is, Mr Blank, em plovers have their duties as well as aerv*nt«. It is not enough to feed yonr servant and house her in comfort; human law compels ynu to do that; but there ia another jaw which enjoins you to watch that she shall come to no spiritual harm. Your wife is still young, Mr Blank, but let your martial advice urge her to look upon what has happened as a lesßon—a warning. Let her see the baker's man and his master ; let her prove whether his motives be pure, and if not, let him be forbidden so much as to darken your doorstep with his sinful shadow. On these conditions, Mr Blank, the Board will allow Nancy to remain In yonr servi-se j but, otherwise, we shall have to remember our responsibilities and remove her.' After that Mr Saxum rose to depart. I endeavored to say a word as a culprit faltering a defence ; but the rev. gentleman hurried out of the house like a judge who has pronounced sentence. I then returned to our dlniug room, feeling much like a sheep dog who wonld put his tail between his legs, if he had one. There ia not muoh more to add My little wife felt in duty bound to summon the baker's man into her presence, and ask him severely what his intentions were. Thus brought to task, he reddened aa much as the flour on his face would allow, and confessed that he only wanted to " keep company," with a view to distant marriage The board, however, would not sanction any such dilatory arrangement, and the result was that Nancy and the baker's man got married of a sudden in about a month. After this, we had another housemaid, cilled Betsy, from the Home ; and this one agreed very fairly with our new cook, Jemima, but my wife having now taken her part of shepherdess in good earnest, Ewe-Lamb No. 2 was crooked into rapid matrimony with a smart grocer's assistant, who had been caught presentiug her with a parcel of figs on the Bly as a token of his sentiments. It turned out, however, to the unutterable confusion, that this grocer's assistant was a Papist, whereupon the Board, justly incensed at our haying '' abandoned a soul to the Scarlet Abomination," refused to entrust us with a third lamb Sinoe then we have been chopping and ohanging our housemaids in the old pleasant style, at the rate of about five a year ; but wo have become much sharper with our cooke than we used to be, and they are turned out, too, at the rate of one a quarter. ..