MISCELLANEOUS.

Globe, Volume XXIV, Issue 2458, 21 February 1882, Page 4

MISCELLANEOUS.

Impartial.—New curate (who wished to know all about his parishioners)—Then do I understand you that your aunt is on your father's side or on your mother's ? Country lad— Zjmetimes ou ono an' zometimeo on the other, 'eeptin' when father whaoks 'em both, sir.—" Puno'n." Friends till After Daath.—Two old friends who had not seen each other for a long time met in a public-house near West Cramlington. They drank to their lifelong friendship, and on parting one said to the other—- " Noo, ma aad freen, ef aa nivver see ye agyen in this warld, aa'll oum te yor funeral." "Surtinly, Jack, sartinly," was the reply; " be sure te cum ; aa'll be varry glad to see thoo!"

" Any letter for mo ?" asked a young lady of a postmistress in a county town. " No," was the reply. "Strange!" said the young lady aloud to herself as she turned away. " Nothing strange about it!" cried tho postmistress through the delivery window. " Tou nin't answered the last letter he writ ye!" The End of a Bioh Finanoier.—" Truth " relates a story of a rich finanoier who died the other day in Paris. He fell down on the Boulevard, in a fit, and was carried into a private house. The inmates seeing him at the point of death, and not knowing what his religion was, brought a crucifix and held it to hia lips. The old Hebrew stared at the emblem with a glazed eye, and with a parting breath murmured, "I can't lend more than two francs on it."

Donald and Duncan are going round the Mull of Cantire with a heavy sea on. Donald il sea proof: Duncan is lying hopelessly prostrate on the dock. Donald: " I say, Dnnoan, will you pe really as pad as you look?" Duncan, in most piteous tones: " Oeh, man Donald, did you'll thocht I wud pe deein' for fun?" Two barristers, of the names of Doylo and YeWerton, were constantly quarrelling before the benoh. One day tho dispute arose so high that the incensed Doyle knocked down his adversary, exclaiming vehemently : " You scoundrel: I'll make you behave like a gentleman!" The other, smarting under the blow as he lay on the ground, enereetically replied: "No, never! I defy you! You oannot do it, sir!"

A " Sign" of Genius.—Waiter (to. eminent artist, who is stopping in the hotel) —"We had a hartis' stopping 'ere onee, sir, and he out without payin' 'is bill." E.A.—" Indeed ! But are you sure he was an artist ?" Waiter —" Oh, yes, sir, euro. In fact, 'e painted our sign !"—" Fun." An exchange tells its readers how "to mind your p's" in the following paragraph : Persons who patronise papers should pay promptly, for the pecuniary prospects of the press have a peculiar power in pushing forward public prosperity. If the printer is paid promptly, and bis pocket-book kept p'fthorio by prompt paying patrons, he puts his pen to paper in peace, his paragraphs of passing eviente have more pleating colors, and the perusil of his paper is a pleasure to tho people. P<nto this piece of proverbial philosophy in some plaoo where all parties can perceive. Oolonrsing in lowa, U.S. (A hint to the younger sons of our aristooraoy, and eke to tho daughters thereof.) —Lady Maria—" How late you are, boys! Your baths are ready, and I've mended your dress trousers, Jack. So look sharp and clean yourselves, and then you can lay the cloth, and keep an eye on the mutton while Emily and I are dressing for dinner." Lard John—" All right. How many are we to lay for?" Lady Emily—- " Eight." The Talbots are ooming, and Major Cecil is going to bring the Duke of Stilton, who's stopping with him."—American paper. At a meeting of the Agricultural Sjciety, held in Adelaide lately, Mr T. Hardy moved "That a special prize be offered for a lucerne mower and gatherer to be exhibited at tbe annual autumn show to be held jlst and 2« d March, 1882." He said he was satisfied that lucerne was destined to play an important part in the agriculture of the oolony, as it was so deep rooted that it defied the olimate. His object in moving tbe motion was that lucerne that was eaten off was destroyed in a short time, but a paddock whioh was cut every year was quite as good djw as it was fifteen years ago. Mr Smith and others thought the harvester would answer the purposes for the work. Tho motion was oarriod, and Messrs J. Harvey, T. Hardy, and the secretary, were appointed to draw up tbe conditions under which the prize should be given. Tho prise was fixed at £lO. Mr J. H. Vinson, an actor well-known in Victoria in the early days, died lately in New York. He was found dead in a saloon adjoining Booth's Theatre on Novembei 21st. After entering the plaoe about midnight, he was taken suddenly ill, and wus placed on a lounge. Some remedies were applied, and two of the attendants remained with him until about three o'olook, when be rolt better. He asked permission to remain thore for the night, wuioh was agreed to, and he was locked in. When the plaoe was opened at daybreak he was found dead. No icquost was held, as the medical men decided that death resulted from natural causes. At the time of his death Mr Vinson was sixty- two years of age. In tho early days of the old Theatre Boyal, Melbourne, under the proprietorship of the builder, Mr John Blaok, the stage management was in the hands of Mr Vinson who was reoognised as one of tho leading " old men" of the Australian stage. A writer in the " New York Mirror " says that, " at the best, Mr Vinson's treatment by his New York friends was the result of thoughtlessness, which is nearly akin to heartlessness." His last venture was with " Eve, the Saleslady," whioh was a suoooss at Philadelphia; but for some time prior to his decease he had been without regular engagement. The late Kate Warde was his wife, ard his daughter (Kate Vinson) j a a favourite with Melbourne playgoer* to-day.; '