THE THEORIES OF JOSH BILLINGS.

Globe, Volume XXIII, Issue 2404, 19 December 1881, Page 4

THE THEORIES OF JOSH BILLINGS.

I hold that a man haz just az much rite tow spell a word az it iz pronounaed az hohaz taw pronounso it the way it aint spelt. Earthli glori iz sum like potatoze on very rich uile—top plenty—ta'.er acareo. It aint ao much trouble to get rioh az it iz to tell when wo hare got rich. The moat bitter aarkaam sleeps in silent worda. Hope is everybodya handmaid —she ia a ehy coquette, and promises many favors, but grants only a fu, and them are badly diskounted. If you want tew git at the circumference of a man exhamine him among men, but it yon wont tew git at his aktuol diameter measure him at hiz fireside. Thera is nothing so difficult to hide as our follya. There ia hut few men who have karakter enu2 tow load a life ov idleness. Tru love ia spelt jiat the same in Choctaw az it iz in English. Buty that don't make a woman vain makes a woman butiful. A puppy plays with every pup ho meets, but old dogs have but fu associates. Hu who buys wnat he kant went will ear long want what he kant buy. It costs a good deal tew be wise, but it don’t coat eny to bs happy. Necessity begot Invonabun, Invenahun begot Convenience, Convenience begot Pleasure, Pleasure begot Luxury, Luxury begot Biot and Disease, who between them got Poverty, and Poverty begot Necessity again—this is the Kevolushen of man, and iz about all ho brags on. There iz no such thing az flattery. If oommendashun iz deserved it iz not flattery but truth ; if oommer daebun iz not deserved it is not flattery but. slander. “ The luxury ov grief ! " This, i take it, means tow have ynre old unkle die and leave you OOCOdola, and yu ory.