LITERATURE.

Globe, Volume XXIII, Issue 2393, 3 December 1881, Page 4

LITERATURE.

SELINA'S REVENGE.

(" London Society.")

{Concluded )

Something ia Helina's eye as she glanced at him seemed to signify that if a little of this pwticular Byronic sadness had been left she wonld not have made it an insuperable obstacle. Bat the eyes of Selina Villlera can expre?3 two feelings at a time ; she is thinking of the hoar when she called him telfish goose and boxed his ear. Revenge ia Bweet, and she means to taste it. Meanwhile he begins his proposal of marriage. He goes through their joint biographies from infancy until now, with pious reflections appended, to the salient passages, such as measles and whoopiDg-cnugh. Then he comes to the present hour. Theobald has grown an eloquent speaker, and now, in offering himself to Selina for life, he expatiates over his feelings and principles. He ia now, as ever, a consistent Baptist. Now, a» ever, he Is a member of the great Liberal party. He has become a teetotaller, and is giving his d»ys and nights to that sacred movement. This is the being who gets down on one knea as his oration draws to an end and says : ' Now, Selina, dear Selina, dearest Selina, broathe the one short syllable which shall seal you for ever mine. She breathed, but not that syllable. Steadfast and hontile was the lcok she fixed upon hind, and in his surprise he nearly overbalanced, aud had to steady himself again on his now uneasy knee. ' Theobald,' sh& cried, severely, ' you have grown niiaerabiy thin. Do you know I am afraid we shall look rather laughable side by side. Just stand close to me here.' She caused her spherical figure to be refloated in a mirror, while Theobald stood on her right. ' Just look. Theobald,' she said, ' I am like capital O beside capital I, It is very provoking. Theobald murmured something about 'fatiuacious diet' and 'cod-liver oil three times day;' but Mrs Villiera would not oatch at the suggestion. 'Another thing strikes me, Theobald,'she said, taking her seat again, while he stood before her humbly ; you spoke of the great temperance cause, and fighting under the teetotal banner. Now, Theobald, I like my two glassies of cherry at lunch and my two glasses at dinner.' 'That, my love, cm be met,' Theobald remarked, with great complacency; ' you can take wine medicinally. There will be no trouble about it. We never interfere when It ia taken medicinally.' 'Excuse me, Theobald,' replied Selina, with an accent of scorn which frightened him ; 'I am cot goinsr to be made an invalid of for your crotchets.' Theobald Podger was silent for fear, except that the word ' crotchets'escaped him in a low horror struck tone, snch as iimight issue from the lips of one who suddenly sees a sceptre.

' There is another thing,' she continued. 'A third 1' he exclaimed, in most unfeigned alarm.

She smiled bitterly, bnt the secret of the bitterness he could not know.

'You spoke about being still a Baptist, Theobald. I have become High Churoh, very high. I approve of vestments. I don't object to inoense. Now you are a Baptist, and I have serious doubts—very serious doubts —whether you are a Christian at alll'

Theobald jumped as if some one had pinohed his leg. " Before I could marry you, you must become a sound Churchman,' she continued firmly; ' I don't exactly know what that will involve, but something will have to be done to you.' He stood before hnr, terror in his eyes, but ha said neither ' Yes' nor 'No.'

After gazing at him for a moment, 'she began again—'There is another thing.' ' Selina,' he cried, with a groan, taking out his pocket book and tearing a leaf from it, 'don't you think you had better make a memorandum of them V

' I shall not forget,' she sternly rejoined ; 1 and you shall not forget;' she added this with appalling significance; ' I say there is something more; yon spoke just now of the great Liberal party ; Theobald,' there isn't such a thing; lam a Conservative!' After this disclosure there was a long pause, which the paralysed suitor did not dare to break. Mrs "Villiera rose from her sofa and walked majestically to the window, and there, turning round npon him, she asked, ' Have yon nothing to say ?' 'A great deal,' he replied submissively ; ' but truly, Selina, I don't know where to begin; let me see ; which was number one ?'

'Theobald,' she cried 'do you want to marry me V ' Yes, Selina,' he answered, * 1 do.' ' Very well then,' she replied, In tones more terrible than ever ; ' you mnst do what I bid you ; are yon ready ? Will you obey mo?'

' I will,' he answered, as if it were a marriage vow. ' First, in respeot of your size ; you must manage somehow to alter your present appearance, which is, to be quite plain with yon, nothing less than absurd; you must grow stout; you must take Du Barry's Revalenta three times a day, and whatever else will get you in flesh; I could never marry a lath—a living lath.' ' I hope the Revelenta isn't very like physio,' said Theobald despairingly. 'Never mind what it is like,' she answered ; ' you have got to take it if you take me. Secondly, with regard to your total abstinence. You must drink an imperial pint, of Guinness's stout every day at lunoh, three glasses of old port at your dinner, and a tumbler of brandy and water going to bed.' ' But I have taken the pledge 1' Theobald muttered.

' Then yon must untake It,' retorted the lady. Her English might be doubtful, but her meaning was not. 'Next,' she said, touching her third finger, 'as to your religious opinions. You must attend matins every morning at eight o'clock, and go to church three times every Sunday. You must promise never to set your foot inside a ohapel aeatn, and you mast become a Churchman. Whatever the vioar considers necessary to finish you off, you must do. Do you understand ?' 'But I am a deacon In our chapel!' pleaded Theobald ; ' it Is an important office, and very honourable. Don't ask me to give up that, Selina. I should rather compromise the matter by taking a little stimulant extra, if that would meet your views, love. You see,' he repeated, 'I am a deacon !', 'Deacon indeed!' she retorted, with Infinite scorn ; ' as if a Dissenter could be a deaoon! Deacons are always very nice young men—fresh and modest and pleasant to look at—not the least like yon, Theobald, Now, church or chapel; which do you choose? I shall never ask you twice.' ' Church,' he groaned, ' but just consider—' 'I have considered,' she answered, in a voice that bereft him of all hope. Then, checking off her fourth finger, she said, ' Now for the last thing ; you must become a Conservative.' 'Howcan I, Selina ?' he asked. ' You must read the political articles In the "Standard" day after day,' she replied, ' never missing a day, never missing a line. At the end of each article yon must ask yourself, " Are these my opinions V If not, you must make them yonrs. This must go on until you are converted.' " I hope it won't be very long,' he exclaimed j ' oh Selina, I remember Lord Byron aays : ' Alas, the love of woman, It is known To be a lovely and a fearful thing.' I never understood these lines till to-day!' 'And now,' she said, not noticing this tribute to her love and womanliness, ' you are to be on your trial. You must go to Bath, and take lodgings there for three months, and put yourself under treatment. Once a week you must write to me and report. If at the end of that time you are stouter, and oan drink your wine like other people, and

have shaken off those horrid Baptists, and are a trne Conservative, I will—' ' Marry me V he asked engerly. ' I will consider you,' she replied coldly. * Wei", Theobald.' Mra Villiers said to herself when her admirer withdrew, ' five-and-twenty years ago I asked you to have me, and yon said no because your father would nof let you. I think my turn has come, I think it has! But yen shall give up your to9totalism, your dissent, your Badicallsm, and jou shall improve your figure, before I change my name fer jours. H 9 that will not when he may—Bhall suffer for it., The remainder of the story can bo told best by lottara and extracts : 'Bath, August Bth, 1875.

'My dearest Selln», —I write In tolerable spirits ;I am going on with the treatm»nt; I find rushing out In the morning at a quarter to eight very trying to my digeition, but I persevere for thy sake.—Hver afl'aotionate, Theobald Podgier '

' August 14. 'My Love and Lifa, —I have gre&t news for you this week ; I can drink my stout without making a face, Ever your own, T.P." —" P.S. I scarcely knew where I was when I went to bed last night ; but I awoke all right in the morning, and somehow I rather like it; this is encouraging.' ' August 21. "Qaeen of my Soul, —As I w»s reading the •Standard' this morning, light suddenly flashed upon me ; I begin to see that Gladstone la a gigantic impostor, though eloquent; lot us be truly thankful.

' August 28. ' Mine for over, —I can scarcely believe what I am going to write to you, but it is true ; last night before dinner I was weighed, and this morning again after breakf*st; in the night I had gained one ounce and a quarter; my brain is spinning with joy ; thuß are our difficulties one by oae removed ; eager to claim the reward of true love, I am, Selina, —dear familiar name !—Thine, living and dying, Teisuy.' Extract from the 'Times' newspaper : 'On Saturday, September 10th, at St. George's, Hanover Square, Theobald Podger, Esq.. of Apoletree Hall, Dyrnam Down, eon of the late VFilliam Podger, Veq., of Bristol and Clifton, to Selina, widow of the late Montengle VllHers, Esq-, and only daughter of Robert Stlckey, Esq., merchant, of Bristol.* • Theobald,' said the bride, as they stood in the hotel drawing-room on the evening of that happy day, and as once again she saw her own circular and his linear figure reflected in the mirror, 'you have done all but one thiDg. We shall never be truly a pair.' ' What do you mean ?' ho gasp?, thinking of the sensation novels which she is fond of reading; 'is there any barrier—unknown to me ?'

•You don't understand me, Tebby.'she answered ; * I mean id the sense that vaaes are a pair, or ponies, or gloves, We shan't match, I say, Tebby, so as to be a pair.' ' It matters not, my bride,' he cries, with a flash of love and wit; 'we don't match to be a pair; we match to bo ono!'

Theobald and Selina Podger had a quiet afternoon of life, contented, luxurious, and happy. They were commonplace people, seeking their own ends neither wickedly nor finely. Had they been a true hero and heroine they would have married young, been parents of a tribe of children, and perhaps have sunk into their graves under poverty, neuleot, and disappointment. See them now, cosy and comfortable for the rest of their dayß. Mark the reward of prudence. Learn, ladies and gentlemen, not to be righteous over much; and always remember in this great theatre of human life there is farce in every tragedy and tragedy in every faroe.