MR SPOOPENDYKE.

Globe, Volume XXIII, Issue 2380, 18 November 1881, Page 3

MR SPOOPENDYKE.

HE SHOWS MBS S. HOW TO LOCK A EEFEACTOEY THUNE. [“ Brooklyn Eagle.”] “My dear,” said Mrs Spoopendyke, as she rose from her knees, hot and tired with packing, and rubbing the small of her back ai eho straightened up, “ I’m all through it now, and I wish you would lock this trunk. ’ “Certainly,” said Mr Spoopendyko, dropping his paper and slamming dcwn the lid. “All you’ve got to do is just fit the hasp in the lock and turn the key. So !’’ But the key didn’t quite turn, and Mr Spoopendyke hit the hasp with the side of his fist, and tried it again. “ Don’t it work ?” asked Mrs Spoopendyke, watching the proceeding with considerable interest.

“ It’ll work if you’ll let it alone,” said Mr Spoopendyke, severely, and he raised the lid, dropped it again, pounded the hasp, and wrenched at the key with all his strength. “ Stand back and give me room, can’t you ?” he growled, as he pressed down on the cover, and gave the key quick twists in a vain effort to catch the lock unawares.

“ Why don’t yon rest your weight on it, and let me lock it ?” asked Mrs Spoopendyke, fluttering around her husband, and wondering if be was thoroughly aware that his plug hat was immediately under the lid. “ Have you got the time to keep away from this thing, and let me work it ?” demanded Mr Spoopendyke, contemplating his wife with a Spartan expression of visage. “ ’Spose I can do anything with you sitting on my elbow ? If you’ll go down to the cellar for a minute I’ll look this trunk,” and Mr Spoopendyke banged away at the hasp, and breathed hard. But bis best efforts could only turn the key half way. “Oh! ain’t I glad you couldn't lock it!” exclaimed Mrs Spoopendyke, anxious to stay her husband’s growing wrath. “ I forgot to put in your walking-cane.” “ Confound the cane !” sputtered Mr Spoopendyke. “ ’Spose it’s going to lock any easier with a walking cane sticking out at one end P Who says I can’t look it ? What’- the reason I can’t lock it ?” and he stood oil and fetched the hasp a tremendous kick. “ Anything else you’ve forgotten to put in ?” and he sprang on the lid, and tugged at the key with his head thrown back and teeth set. “ Got a couple of mirrors you want in here P Any china around the house that wants a ride in this trunk ? Want to put in that blessed ass on the top floor who tries to play the fiddle ?” and he flopped off on to the floor, and barged at the hasp again. “ Let me sit on it,” suggested Mrs Spoopendyke, climbing up without waiting for a response. “Now try it.” Mr Spoopendyke fumbled around and worked at the hasp and key, but fruitlasely. “Can’t ye sit any harder than that ?” he yelled, as the key stuck and wouldn’t turn either way. ‘“Fraid of breaking the measly thing ? Press down, can’t ye ?” Mrs Spoopendyke squirmed around sad said, “ Now, dear,” and then locked ever to see how he was getting on, but still the lock was obdurate. “Oon-found the measly trunk!” howled Mr Spoopendyke, firing the key out of the the window, and giving the trunk a farewell kick. “If you want it locked you get a blacksmith and a steam derrick,” and Mr Spoopendyke threw himself into a chair, and pretended to bury himself in his paper. “ I don’t know how we’re ever going to get it open,” said Mrs Spoopendyke after a long silence, “ Get what open! ” growled her husband. “ The trunk. Now I remember, it’s get a spring lock, and when you took Luo key out it locked it. I don’t suppose we can ersr find the key.” “That’s it!"yelled Mr Spoopendyke. “ You know all about it now ! Why didu’t you tell me it was a spring lock ? What d’ye keep it to yourself for ?” “I forgot,” whimpered Mrs Spoopendyke, “ but it will be all right. I can open it.” “Oh, you can open it! snorted Mr Spoopendyke. “You’re an opener! All you want is to bo sharpened on both sides to be an oyster knife! With a dark lantern and a skull cap you’d make a full set of burglar” tools ! Oh, yes, you’ll open it. It you had a loose handle and one corner nicked off you’d get rich as a screwdriver !” And Mr Spoopendyke tore out of the house to seo if ho could borrow something to pry open the unfortunate trunk. “That gives me time to pack the valise,” murmured Mrs Spoopendyke : “ and, as I‘va got another key to the trunk, we’il do pretty well after all.” And the worthy lady began to jam night shirts and hair oil into the bags, together with sandwiches and tooth-brush--, wondering betimes whether Mr Spoopendyko’e silk hat bad been so badly smachrd that it wouldn’t do to go fishing in on rainy days, even if it didn’t look well enough for church. Wo know a man eo orost-eyed that ho put his hand into another man’s pocket and abstracted therefrom a watch. He wanted to learn the time. The judge told him it would be three year*.