THE LOAFER IN THE STREET.

Globe, Volume XXIII, Issue 2363, 29 October 1881, Page 3

THE LOAFER IN THE STREET.

There is at Quill’s Hotel, Ashburton, a most polite waiter. A few days ago some of tho boys who had stopped out rothor late one night, came in, and asked for somo supper. “What would you like, gentlemen ?” said tho polite waiter. "Welch rarebits for us all,” said one of the party. “ I am very sorry,” said tho waiter, “ but we have no rabbits in the house, and it is too dark to go out and look for any.” An agricultural friend of mine was travelling down South with a stranger. In the same carriage were a number of gentlemen fast asleep on tho scats. “ Who are those chaps ?” asked the stranger. “They are mombora of Parliament,” replied his friend. They got so accustomed to sleeping during the stonewalling debate that tho minute they sit or lie down on a sofa they fall off to sleep from mere force of habit.

During the recent campaign of the Yeomanry Cavalry at Timaru, a rather amusing circumstance occurred. The Timaru swells, always polite, called on the officers and left their cards for them at the Ship Inn Club (presided over by the immortal Sergeant McGninnoes). A distinguished field officer bad forgotten to bring his card-case with him, and thought he had belter send for some blank cards to return the civility of the Timaru people. The lengthened orderly undertook to got them, and returned bringing a pack of playing cards, offering, at the same time, to play the Major at euchre for drinks round. The feelings of that gallant officer may le imagined, but are hard to describe. At the Theatre Royal the other night, a friend of mine was there, and this is what he told mo. The piece was that horrible “East Lynne," and playgoers who are familiar with the piece (which I’m thankful to say I’m not, nor, if I know my own mind, ever will bo) are perhaps aware that Mr Carlyle hears first the intelligence of his wife having bolted, at the end of the second act. There wore two lovers sitting in front of my friend in the stalls, and the lady here first exhibited symptoms of tears. When the curtain fell her adorer went out for some stimulant, and during his absence Miss Pomeroy, the haughty wife, and Mr Flemming, the wron-ed husband, were called before the curtain, and both came, of course, smiled, and bowed as gracefully as usual. Presently the lover returned, and on resuming his seat his fair lady love seized his arm, and said “Oh ! John Henry, the woman is hot so bad after all. While you were away she came back with her husband, and she is quite reconciled to him. It’s beautiful.”

The following advertisement appears somewhere in the Northern district:—

“ A private sail to be held this week by Charles the guardien in the estate of the infant Louisa Blank the farm is near Simon Williams cattle horses plough dray haraoughs poultry and pigs household furniture to bo sold as cheap as possible. Any one wishing to by would do well to be early.” Mr Hoskins has, it is needless to say, taken a benefit, but, with his usual selfishness, ho committed one of the ' worst breaches of dramatic etiquette I have ever heard of. Ho put up his benefit at the same time that Mr Flemming did his. The lastnamed gentleman is a young and rising actor, but what chance could ho have against the sweet Hoskins, who many people here delight to preach the part of Sir Peter Teazle. In connection with the veteran actor (I am very full up of veteran actors), I have often wondered what he will do in the future world. Paradise would never be thought nice by Mr H. unless ho could secure the services of a company whom he could work on half salaries, and if as is more probable, he will be relegated to a much warmer locality ; when securely there, it will be quite impossible for him ever to take “ A FAREWELL BENEFIT.”

Mr Oother, who has rushed into notoriety by bis advertisements, has recently got bis name up in another direction by the following advertisement.

“ Great care has been taken in the selection of the New Staff, who are agreeable in manners and pleasing in appearance, so as to ensure that the patrons of the establishment should receive proper attention, combined with civility.” This is really most original, and I shall pay him a visit on an early day to take notice of the Now Stuff with their agreeable manners and pleasing appearance and civility. I suppose the wages will bo high for such a class of men. If there is one circumstance connected with the forthcoming elections that gives me more satisfaction than all else it is the advent of the gay Toomer as a wooer of the sweet voles of the electors of the Stanmore district. His principles are so broad, and his platform such as to commend itself to men of my stamp. “ Liberty, Equality, and Fraternity.” What a sweet ring those magic words have as dropped from his eloquent lips at the Phillipstown meeting. I reciprocate these ideas. I shall take the Liberty of making the old aspirant’s better acquaintance. I expect to be put on a footing of Equality with him as regards his worldly possessions. For, in his own words, “are we not brethren,” and the next time I meet him I trust no dim visions of the Corrupt Practices Bill will prevent our Fraternity in a bottle—l need hardly add at his expense. I regret I have not a vote to give him. He should have it, because he told one questioner he did not object to barmaids, and further because he also assured those present he does not play Yankee Grab or cards for drinks. Neither do I. I allow people to shout for me ad libitum, although I do not mean to insinuate that my friend Toomer does likewise. On the contrary, I have seen him pass the foaming beaker—on more than one occasion. Another “ pint of contact,” as the great Artemus Ward has it, is that the beer tax ought not to be interfered with, as wo still pay but threepence for a half pint of colonial. Our principles are also in accord on Native matters. I believe with him that the big bugs have “grabbed many millions of acres of the Maori’s land,” and I think further with him that nothing can bo said fairer than that. " Most evidently,” too, his ideas of Old Georgy Grey and his mistakes are correct, but I must protest against one thing ; why should ho unearth poor old Moses. Toomer is a clever man, because he has done what none beside him have ever done. He has discovered the grave of the great Israelitish leader, the whereabouts of which wo are told was known to none. This is a great work, and on its merits I commend my gay old friend to the doctors, beseeching them to no longer allow such distinguished talents to remain hid under a bushel.

Since writing the above, I find I must insert the following ; Mr Toomer, in his address, says that his platform is limited to three words, “ Liberty, Equality, and Fraternity.” These wore the watchwords of the Communists, placarded all over Paris during the last two revolutions. But why should Mr Toomer leave out the gist of this motto, which in reality is as follow Liberty, Equality, Fraternity, or Death.” Mr Toomer has resigned his election in favor of Mr PilJiett, who, I suppose, will bo on tho same platform, uud will accept the result. I copy the following from a Norfolk paper : “ Fukenem—Fakenem —Fakoncm. Huggins and Grummett. They have much pleasure in stating that their street has been widened, so that carriages can come to their establishment with difficulty. Family Drapers, Silk Mercers, Machine Depot. Old Sewing Machines taken on exchange. Thus do they dahducvi, Fakeucm, Fa \enem .