THE LOAFER IN THE STREET.

Globe, Volume XXIII, Issue 2350, 14 October 1881, Page 4

THE LOAFER IN THE STREET.

A curious circumstance happened recently in or.o of the trains running to Christchurch. A fanuex- and his wife brought with them into the train a live goose in a bag, out’which his head protruded. They shoved him under the scat, and presently the farmer went out on the platform for a smoxe, Meantime a lady came in, and took h:s seat, having a young man on the seat next to her. The young man was awfully stunned to hear the lady suddenly give a scream, and begin to pitch into him like winking for squeezing her leg. At the next station the guard was summoned, and the lady was describing how her leg was taken hold of, when the goose, who was the real offender, shoved out his head and grabbed her by the hand. There was a very pretty tableau. The rest of the passengers roared with laughter, while there was one person in the carriage who looked a much bigger fool than the goose. “ Charters, the hairdresser, who levanted from Now Zealand with £4OOO received by him for a “consultation sweep,” has been arrested in England, whither a detective was seat in search of him. When arrested the gay young barber bad £ISOO in hie possession. Ho was to leave England in the ship Wanganui on the 22ud July.” The above paragraph appears in “ Augur's” notes in the “ Australasian,” and strange to say another sporting Sydney writer has a paragraph to the same effect. Where they got this intelligence from I cannot imagine, Mr Charters was not a hairdresser; he never levanted with a “consultation sweep;” he levanted after taking the money of a very different class of people from those who patronised sweeps. The “ gay young barber ” was the beautiful and much lamented Mr North, of Wellington, who did levant with £4OOO ; but, alas! he has never been brought back to his country. What a reception he would meet with could he be induced to return. That was a funny job they put up on the VETERAN ACTOR, Mr William Hoskins, the other day. Some of the boys persuaded a member of the company to ask Mr Hoskins whether the following anecdote was true : “In the early days of the colony of New Zealand, in fact on the arrival of the first ship to this country, the sailors on landing mac two Maoris, who inquired if they wanted to buy a few tickets for the farewell and final benefit of Mr W. Hoskins.” This was about Seventy years ago. I am not aware what the response of the veteran actor was. Scbne— The lata Wesleyan Bazaar.

Languid or Cosy Swell (late Civil Service), after minutely examining the various dishes at the Refreshment Stall, to the Lidy in charge, “Ah! er ! Wesleyan Ham, I suppose.” (Lady in charge).—“No. The Pigs pro•sent on this present occasion are certainly not Wesleyans." Then that swell (late of the Civil Service) walked slowly out a sadder and wiser man.

Last Saturday week the Telephone Company got to work, and in one of the leading auctioneer’s offices there was rare fun. The only man who oould work the instrument was absent, and suddenly the bell rang. All the staff rushed in the worn, and some, the boys, yelled through the telephone, but as it was not connected they were only throwing their breath away. The bell still kept ringing on, until at last the expert came in, connected the telephone, and signalled the other end in Wellington. “Is Blummone in ?” said the Wellington man. “No,” was the Christchurch response. No farther question wae asked, so the expert left and the boys got at the trumpet and asked all eorts of funny questions. They sang through it, they howled through it, and rang wild peals on the bell. They played up all the games they could think of. The other end wired to know from the telegraphic office what was up, and it is understood they telegraphed the facts of the case. Another very good telephone story is sent to mo, si non vero vero ben trovato, Dr. Lemon was trying a tslephone the same day, and hailing Dunedin ha asked a lot of questions. The operator at that end thinking it was the usual party at the other at last said, “ Shut up. I’m full of you ! ” “Do you know who I am ? ” said the telegraph boss in return. “ No,” responded the Dunedin, 41 and I don’t care a cuss who you are. ” “ I’m Dr. Lemon,” said the boss. “ Well,” said the operator, who must have been a fresh ha d, “you had better go and get some friend to give you a squeeze. By-bye, sweet Lemon.” Eero is something that will delight Mr Cass. I quote it from the “ British Columbia Colonist: ” 44 The Earth is Flat and the Sun Moves.— New Yobk, July 23rd.— The Bev. O. A. Johnson (colored), preacher, of Hamilton, Canada, editor of the ‘ British Lion,’ lectured last night in the colored church, 15th street. The subject was, ‘Does the Sun Move, or the Science of Heavenly Bodies, and the Revolutionary Po wore of the Earth and Sun.’ He said he was not of opinion that the earth revolves. Ho coaid not see why the divisions of day and night could not be produced by other causes than the revolutionary powers of the earth. He also doubted very much about this earth being round. Ho thought the ancients knew as much perhaps about it as we, and they said the earth was flat. In support of his belief that the earth is not round, he quoted from St. John’s revelation, which speaks of a number of angels standing at the four corners of the earth holding the winds that they might not blow upon the earth. How could the earth be round if it had corners ? ” There, Mr. Cass, the earth is flat after all. You can shove this at round globists. How could the earth be round if it had corners? This quotation from the Apooalyse will euchre them all.

A very amusing story comes to me from Coker’s Hotel. Two friends of mine wont into that hostelrio for u drink and elected to drink port wine. The genial landlord, and another individual, were present, who travels in the wine and spirit business, and is generally considered by himself, as well as others, rather smart. He, too, wont for the port, which was brought up from the cellar by J.C. himself. The traveller in a connoisseur like stylo rolled the port about in his mouth and squirted it into the fire-place. 44 What do you think of that port ?’’ said the landlord, 41 Passable, passable,” said the great expert, 41 but NOT first-class.” Well, said 4, Jaok” with a grin, 41 you are a quaint cuss. You sold me that wine yoarsolt—a small quarter cask for £so—and swore it was the best port you had ever tasted.’ 4 Boars of laughter from the audience, and complete discomfiture of the distinguished traveller. A little cat story. At the house of a friend, the lady cat was in an interesting condition. After doing their best to keep her out of the house, they failed, and she kittened under the servant’s bed. The' servant has an adorer, who ,4 Plays heavenly tunes On a big bassoon,” and going out of town he had left it with his lady love. On his return he took his instrument to play at a concert, but he, starting to blow the instrument, found it was choked by a kitten, which had crept into it, and which was wailing piteously. The unfortunate pussy will of course die, and the whole bassoon will have to be taken to pieces to get out his body for interment.