KISSED AT SO MUCH PER SQUCEEZE.

Globe, Volume XXIII, Issue 2345, 8 October 1881, Page 4

KISSED AT SO MUCH PER SQUCEEZE.

If any one had supposed it would have turned out the way it did (says the ‘ Chicago Inter-Ocean’) the scheme would not have been adopted ; but the object was a charitable one, and the committee of inyitation were very careful to avoid the presence of any disagreeable or unpopular person. The whole thing was kept very quiet to prevent notoriety, and had not some of the ladles become so indignant the affair would have passed off pleasantly. Mr ’a sp cions residence at Hyde Park was kindly tendered for the purpose, and after the company had gathered, the gentlemen were informed that the ladies would permit themselves to bo hugged and kissed at so much per squeeze, the proceeds to be devoted to a deserving charity. There was some difficulty in arranging a schedule of prices, and the row would have broken out earlier if some of the ladies had been made aware of the value at which their charms were estimated. The following price-list was finally adopted : For one go-as-you-please squeeze of one minute, and one kiss, terms cash in advance. Girls under 16 ... ... 25 cents. Girls from 16 to 20 50 ~ Ladies from 20 to 25 ... 75 ~ Married ladies under 30 ... 1 dollar Married ladles from 30 to 40 50 cents. Widow ladles over 30 ... 50 „ Widow ladies under 30 ... 75 „ Malden ladles from 30 to 40 50 „

Maiden ladies over 40 ... 2 for a nickel. The gentlemen were gathered in the dining room and all the ladles in the parlor. In the library was a committee of two, a lady and a gentleman (the latter being timekeeper), and they called in the gentlemen ene by one. Each was shown the schedule of prices and a list of the ladies present, and when one selected the lady he wanted to kiss, she was called In and the transaction occurred in the presence of the committee. In cases where the squeeze was prolonged beyond the schedule time or an additional smack taken, a fine of double the price waa imposed for every minute in excess, and in several cases the fines were heavy, but they were paid without a murmur. The whole affair waa confidential, and none but the committee were to know who kissed who. There was present one young widow of superlative charms, for whose embrace a monk would give his relios and his ashes. The other ladies of the party didn’t mind it much until she had been called into the library nine times in succession, without so much aa a whisper for some one else; but when her name was announced the tenth time they began to look a little uneasy. She remained in the library considerably longer than the usual time, and loud laughter was heard from that mysterious apartment. Miss M , a lady who had registered her age aa twenty-nine, and who had caused some tittering among the younger girls by so doing, whispered something in the ear of Mrs , a buxom widow, who sat with her on the sofa, and the latter replied in an audible tone of voice—

* Yes, I know; she always has had that reputation ’ When the young widow appeared again her face was very red and her hair was a good deal massed up, bat she didn’t seem to notice the indignant glances that were cast towards her from all sides. The library door opened, and the timekeeper said—‘ Mrs 1s wanted again.’ She rose quietly, and heaving a sigh, glanced round the room, as much as to say, 1 I’m sorry for you, poor things,’ and dis. appeared. The lady of twenty-nine years exclaimed, almost before the door was shut— ‘ I must say it’s perfectly scandalous.’ Before any one could reply, a shout of laughter was heard in the library, and a little black-eyed woman In the corner jumped np, looking a little wild, and inquiring, 1 Wasn’t that my husband’s voice ?' * As sure as I’m alive, it was,’ responded the buxom widow on the sofa, and turning to the lady of twenty-nine, she remarked sotto voce, ■ There’s been a good deal of talk about them two, you know. ’ Another about was heard from the library, and the little black-eyed woman started for the door. * I’m going in there!’ she said; ‘this thing has gone far enongh.’ ‘ Another fine—that’s three,” called out the committee time, as the black-eyed woman opened the door, and the ladies all rushed in after her. There they stood the young widow clasped firmly in the arms of the black-eyed woman’s husband. The committee protested against the intrusion, and something was said about the “ rules,” bnt it was of no avail. The buxom widow and the young lady of twenty-nine made some observations that didn’t help matters any, and hearing the row, the gentlemen rushed in through the other door. They seemed to sea something amusing in the situation, and all joined in a chorus of laughter, excepting the blackeyed woman’s husband, who appeared to realise that trouble was inpending. The hostess endeavored to arrange matters so that business could proceed, but the blackeyed woman, with fire in every glance, demanded her “things.” Her husband approached her and offered some remarks in the way of explanation, but was answered only by a burst of tears. Several ladies of the party followed her upstairs to the dress-ing-room, but the more they said in the way of intercession the madder she seemed to get, until by a sort of eilent but mutual understanding a dozen or so began to put on their wraps under the impression that the affair was over

Several of the gentlemen attempted to twit the husband about his scrape, while others soothingly remarked that it would be all right in a few moments. ‘ Gentlemen, you don’t know her,’ was the only reply he made. The pecuniary return was large, being 37 dollars 50 cents —7 dollars 60 cents in fees and 30 dollars in fines —but the black-eyed woman’s husband observed confidently to a friend a few days after that he’d rather have paid ten times the amount than had it turn out the way it did.