THE LOAFER IN THE STREET.

Globe, Volume XXIII, Issue 2332, 23 September 1881, Page 4

THE LOAFER IN THE STREET.

[PEOM THE " WEBKLY TRESS.”] The following story comes from Blenheim : A station manager came to town, and amongst other commissions, went into a stationer’s shop when, after making his purchases, he was just about leaving, when the owner of the shop requested him to purchase a revised edition of the New Testament. The manager said ho did not want it. ** Well, said the bookseller, consider the satisfaction and employment it would give you in the long nights to compare it with tho old version.” “ Ton must think me very hard up for amusement,” said the manager, “ but X have not got a copy of the old version. 1 I observe from tho report of one of the Synod meetings that a marriage in the Cathedral is to cost £lO. Why £10? Is it the intention of tho authorities to provide a choral service for this sum? Because if something extra is not included, I think the marriage business at the Cathedral will be very slack. People don’t hanker after cathedrals to that extent. Thera were some very funny things happened during the generally dreary talking against time on the Representation Bill. The story from the “ Timaru Herald ” of Mr Seddon’s indignation against the Government for not allowing any adjournment for meals is very droll. “ I ham,” he said, “ hastonished at tho hattitude of the Government. I ham so.” Mr Seddon reminds me of the following lines written by an exsuperintendent of police in New York : 11 Our public schools may their influence

spread Until statesmen use grammar and dunces are

dead ; Until no one dare say, in this land of tho free, Ho 'done!’ for he ' did.’ or it’s ‘her for it s ‘ she.’ ”

Daring the course of the debate one hon. member called the Government supporters a “lot of Judas Iscariots,” which was rather profane, to say the least of it, and Mr Tomoaca, I think it was —one of the Native members some of them are so anxious to increase—suggested it might conduce to tho harmony of the meeting if he “ sang a song about Sir George Grey.” What a treat to the representatives generally that would have been! Another gentleman amused himself by reading extracts about a West Coast Road Board. No wonder the Premier said that tho stonewallors were making the House the laughingstock of Now Zealand. Ho might hove added “and,” if English papers pleased to copy, “ the laughingstock of tho world,” _ A distinguished aotor, well known in this metropolis, and whoso name rhymes with dove, hae distinguished himself. Like Mr Seddon. he, sometimes takes curious liberties ■with the English language, and after some very funny speeches he made in “Our Boys,” I believe it was, on the West Coast, a notice appeared next morning on the prompter’s board to this effect“ Mr is recommended to make a little more acquaintance with Mr Bindley Murray.” Turning to a fellow pro. who was with him, he asked, “ Who is this Bindley Murray P I’ll knock spots off him.” As the reporters _ had been rather rough on tho distinguished actor, he thought Bindley Murray must be one of them, and he called on one of ;tho editors of the local papers to complain of kis hard usage. “Have you a reporter on your measley rag of a paper,” said the Thespian, “ colled Bindley Murray ?” “ I believe," said the editor, *’ he has boon dead for some yearn.” “It’s luoky for him,” responded the actor, “ or I would have knocked the stuffing out of the swine,” And he passed slowly down the stairs leaving the editor in convulsions of laughter. He was an old soldier in every sense of the word, bnt a good servant to a very smart and genial up-country doctor. Assiduous as to his duties, he was honest and painstaking, bnt - (why are bets so very necessary to the mundane race?) —he was, however, fond of his whiskey. One morning he came early to call for orders from his master, and who by the way had suspected his little failing for some time. Getting a most nnmistakeable whiff of neat spirit, the Doctor said, “John, what have you been drinking this morning ?” With great coolness John replied, “Whiskey, sorr. With exoiption of yourself, sorr. it’s the thing I love heat in the worrld,” Amused but mollified with the compliment, the genial doctor could not see his way to get any further at bis servant that morning. John, it is scarcely necessary to add, is of Irish lineage. Talking of the demon drink, I hear from n person who is familiar with temperance statistics, that since the Good Templars started in New Zealand 32,000 have been initiated, bat owing to other attractions there have been 24,000 hick slid ora.

In the matter of presentations and testimonials there in a great deal yet to be learned. I wonder by the way why the virtuous supporters of the Lottery Bill did not make them fineable. I am personally quite ignorant of the feelings which possess the receiver at the time of being presented with his clock, watch, or whatever it may bo. I have had no presentations. There are only, very new chums excepted, abont eight people in this province who have not received a testimonial. But I have an address of farewell from a select number of gentlemen in a place where I once resided. Addresses are the most useless things in this world unless you had two of them, and then if very hard up you might make a sandwich of yourself in some now place to get a billet. There is nothing hanging to an address, not even if it teems with the wails of the friends you arc leaving, net even if done by the artistic pen of Mr Goodman. But this is discursive. What I want to call atten tion to is the fact that tho West Coast people are prodigally subscribing, as described in the following lately received telegram to your journal :—“ A shilling subscription ia to be started here toward recouping Sir J. Vogel for the money he paid out of his own pocket to the civil servants of his department.” A bob a man ; why, they’d rush it, they would, the jolly diggers. I should, however, not suggest such a large sum in Canterbury. It is well known that three pence is the sum almost invariably put in the church bag on a Sunday here, and if the subscription, say to a patriot like Sir Cl. G. were started, an immense sum would flow in at that amount. I mention this to parsons who initiate presentations. But no more addresses. Even the most devout parson can’t stand thorn. Old Choodlebucks is one of those wealthy men who have not parted for the Cathedral, but he has watched every stone go up. He went up himself occe in the chair, but he hud to shout three threepenny glasses of beer for the performance, and was miserable for days -afterwards. Choodlebucks, however, means to donate a trifle (which with him, I fancy, must mean a newspaper stamp) to the Cathedral. He informed me confidentially of his reason for this rush of liberality. “ It’s the bells, ‘Loafer,’ my boy,” he said solemnly. “What do yon mean?” I said. “Well, betwixt yon and me, I hear that when them bells is properly fixed the ringer* are going to practise at 'em night and day.” “ Night and day,” repeated old Choodlebucks with much emphasis. “ What of it ?” I said. “ Well,” he replied, “ my old woman has been getting out of hand lately, and I ain’t a-going to stand it. She’s took to giving me what you’d call • a raspberry ’ about twenty times a day, and it’s my intention to hire the end room on the top storey of the Commercial when the ringers begin to wade into practice, and look her in until they begin to knock off. She can pull her victuals up with a string from below, and she can take her baby to amuse her. Who knows but what she might got as deaf as post, and then, you see,” said the old villain, “she couldn’t hear me a giving her raspberries all day, which is what I’ve been pantin’ for six weary months.” At the last meeting of the Diocesan Synod tho Kev. P. O. Anderson on education here said that “he could tell if a boy who entered his school had attended a Slate school or not by his ruffianly manner and irreligious behaviour.” Good gracious ! What an allusion to have swept away from one. I believed that at the State schools great efforts were made not only to give tho boys a high class education, but further to bring them to fulfil tho positions they would afterwards fill, viz., that of high-toned gentlemen, and now here comes that revered gentleman and states his opinion that these boys I thought so perfect are a pack of ruffians. The Bov. Peter must surely bo mistaken. I must take an early opportunity of getting posted properly on this business by interviewing tho chairman and inspectors of the Board of Education. Then, perhaps, I may be able to make a few more remarks to the Bev. P. 0. Anderson.