THE LOAFER IN THE STREET.

Globe, Volume XXIII, Issue 2315, 5 September 1881, Page 3

THE LOAFER IN THE STREET.

MARRIAGES. “OooKfliißY— Lahgmis— By special license, Joseph Oooksley, son of Joseph Ooaksley, contractor, Woolston, to Rosa Oharlotta Mary Protheroe, eldest daughter of Louis Langlois, late of Belle Yue, Waikouaiti, Ota go, and granddaughter of John Taylor, of Kenton street, Brunswick square, London, and cousin of the Bey. George Protheroe, of Elder Park, Isle of Wight, and Thomas Protheroe, Esq., barrister, Hamilton terrace, St. John’s Wood, London.” ‘‘The preliminaries are arranged (says the Kumara papsr, with the parents’ consent, for a matrimonial alliance between a well-known

‘ pub,’ the astute Lothair of Dillman Town, with the now betrothed charming and pretty Cinderella, yet in her teene—one of Nature’s fairest and loveliest formations, with sweet and blushing innocence upon her youthful cheeks. The union of youthful hearts when cemented together in conjugal felicity, will be the sensational event of this month, which it is expected will terminate the now prolonged and costly games of ‘ freeze out.’ The marriage settlement provides liberal!y for pin money, nuptial responsibilities, swaddling clothes, and nursery requisites.”

A very great contrast is apparent in these matrimonial notices. The first one, which I quote from the orange blossom column of your morning contemporary, reminds one of a sporting writer's paragraph descriptive of a horse’s pedigree. Wo are introduced to the various relatives of the bride and bridegroom, and the only thing that is missing from the notice is the usual request, “ Home papers please copy,” a boon which of course English journals always grant to Robinson when he espouses Mary Jane Smith. The other has a pastoral simplicity about it that is most charming. The remarka in reference to the marriage settlement are quite Arcadian, and most original. Far more so than publishing what Hebe in “Pinafore” would, "your sisters, your cousin and your aunts.” There lived once a party of the name of Benvenuto Cellini, a man of fame in designing the most delicate and beautiful things in gold and silver. He was an artist in every sense of the word. I am reminded of this by a little occurrence that happened not a great many miles from this metropolis, where there dwells not quite a Cellini but a clever designer in cups, &c. It befel that a prize was offered bj some one for the best model of '*a ■ coi£mn’ prize cup, the jeweller taking the prize to have the job of makihg cf the cup. And then another very carious thing befel the designer. The corn; Ving jewellers—seven in number —all came liecrotly, and at the dead of night, to the'deader, and one and all engaged him to make them a’model. It did not embarrass the argentiferous maestro very much. He made seven models in different styles, and then putting the seven numbers in one hat, and the ’jewellers in another, he drew the lottery oft in the fairest manner, so I’m told. And the best of it is none of them know anything about it up to the present hour. “ Them gals! drat them gals,” said Mrs Muldoony, who keeps a servants’ registry, “ they get more saucy and independent every day.” I [was with a Benedict who was in despair about girls. He had gone through as many experiences as Philander SmiS in the “ Figaro,” and was as full of servant gal anecdote as Philander himself. Ho told me one little story as illustrative of the increase of aestheticism in domestics. His wife wanted a nurse girl, and advertised for one. A tender, but obese mother called to try and get the situation for one of her offspring. It turned out that this girl had previously filled the very place her mamma was then applying for, and did not give much satisfaction. However, the mother pressed the lady very hard, and on being asked the cause of this extreme anxiety, she said, “ Well, ma’am, to tell you the truth, my gal has been studyin’ the planner, and we thought as you could bring her on with planner ; that’s my reason —planner's such a nioe accomplishment.” The Melbourne “Leader” has the following : “ Australian apples have been exposed for sale in the fruiterers’ shops of the city of London. They have been regarded as groat curiosities, and have been sold at Is to Is 6d per dozen,” They may well be regarded as great curiosities those apples. They would be here so far as the price goes. I think the Australian fruit dealers would have a bettor market hero than in England. Do you remember " Punch’s” caricature of the German Band on the occasion of the Princess Alice’s marriage. An immense barge is loaded with German Princes, all blowing horns and other kinds of music, and are clearly come over on a loafing expedition. It still goes on amongst princes. I see by Parisian papers that twenty-one princes and twenty-eight princesses are loafing around Paris this summer with no visible means of support. “Loafing around the thrones,” as some poet has said. You have no idea what a number of loafers reside around here. They are not “princely ” ones, nor are they “without means of support.” Not by any means ; out the number of well to-do people who have loafing to perfection licks mo, and I’m not a bad judge of the business'myself. His tastes are horticultural. Every spare moment from the cares of business are devoted to the producing paragraphic pumpkins, potatoes and cabbages. The early salads and peas are to him a source of pride. Thus he would be happy but for one thing. The bane of Flopper’s life are the neighbours’ fowls. Game fowl to the right of him, Hamburgs to the left of him, in fact fowls of all kinds everywhere. No matter how oft he repairs his fences, the feathered thieves struggle in somehow. His neighbours promise to keep them out but don’t. But a happy thought has struck Flopper. The farmers are laying, ho observes in the papers, poison for sparrows everywhere. Ho has declared his intention of doing likewise, and ho is commencing an era of complete joy from his immunity from the fowls.

Most people know Decimus, the moat urbane of pecuniary advancists. For politeness to the needy party none can touch him as the following will show, Old Splodger called recently to negotiate a bill for a score. Decimus looking over it by no means approved of the two names of the backers but ho did not say so. He only remarked, “ My dear Splodger, for you and for these gentlemen I haro personally the greatest regard, but

business is business, aud between you and me I must have a third name on this bill.” Then Splodger went sadly humming funeral dirges to himself, because he greatly doubted in hi* own mind whether a third name of any account would be forthcoming. Indeed, so far, it has not, I understand.