MISCELLANEOUS.

Globe, Volume XXIII, Issue 2229, 20 April 1881, Page 3

MISCELLANEOUS.

A man at Antwerp, Mich, thought be discovered a way to throw his sister-in-law out of his house, without committing what the law would regard as an assault. This was to take up the chair in which she sat and dump it through a window, including, its occupant. He had a legal right, according to his theory, to do what be pleased with his own furniture. He executed this plan, with violence. Though he was careful not to touch the woman, she was badly hurt by the fait A Justice disregarded his argument, and fined him 25 del. A sewing machine agent, in driving through Monroe county, Ky., drew up before a cottage, and asked a beardless six-teen-year-old boy, standing in the yard, i his mother was at home. * She is, but she don’t live here,’ he answered. * I’m the head of this house.’ Finding the boy married, the agent went inside and encountered a child, who said she was the boy's wife, and that when she was married she was not eleven years old. * What on. earth did you two marry for?’ asked the agent. * What do other folks marry for P* the child replied, The boy said that he intended to buy a sewing machine for his wife when she got old enough to sow. ‘Come around in three or four years,’ he said, * and I’ll take one.’

A lady, being asked her age, said— * When. I was manied I was eighteen, and my husband was thirty, His age has since doubled, and so of course has mine. That makes me thirty-six. ’ And she was astonished afc her own frankness.

‘ What’ll you take for that dog of yonra P* ‘Ah, there’s one thing about him I can’t sell,’ ‘ Never mind that; I don’t want that. You may take off his collar.’ * ’Taln’t that; he’s a poor dog, but I can’t sell the wag of his tail when 1 come home !’

Waiter (in restaurant) : Pastry, sir ? Gentleman : What have yon?—Waiter Try a Hawkins pudding, sir. Very good.— Gentleman (doubtfully): And what is a Hawkins pudding, pray?—Waiter (smiling): Well, sir, we calls black cap pudding Hawkins, pudding, now.—Gentleman (blandly): lam Hawkins t (And he was. 1 ablean ] Two countrymen went into a hatter’s to buy one of them a hat They were delighted with the sample, inside the crown o£ which was inserted a looking-glass. * What is the glass for?’ said one of tbe men. The other, impatient at such a display of rural ignorance, exclaimed ‘What for? Why, for the man who buys the hat to see how it fits.’

Barney—Shure, now, Bridget, what wae father crying about this morning? Bridgets —Don’t yer know, Barney, boy, the'ro goin’ to out off Mr Milligan’s ears to-night, an’ they’ve choosed Kapper Tandy to do the cuttin’ part, 'stead ’o father, who's got a rale grudge agin him. Bedsd, an’ its a burnin’ shame. Chorus of children—Poor down-throdden father—“ Fun,”

A dramatic editor of a French paper had occasion to criticise severely the peiformances of a somewhat popular actress. Shortly afterwards the lover of the young lady met the j ornalist in the theatre, and presented, him with a package of goose quills. * This, sir, ’ said he, ‘is a present from Miss X.' ‘ What,’exclaimed the critic, ‘did she tear all those out of you herself ? How you must have suffered !’

In polite society, especially in that cosmopolitan circle which makes Paris its home during the winter, there is a vague impression that the French Republic will not laet much longer; that its battle with the Church will prove disastrous to it; and that some kind of a revolution is at band. A great many Americans are constantly repeating thie prophecy. Whatever they may be at home, they are certainly indifferent Republicans abroad. They are especially cynical any unsympathetic with regard to the French. Republic. Of course there are notable exceptions, but they are not so many as thed ought to be. Uesare Qalootti, a little boy nine years of age, is causing a great sensation in Italy by his musical gifts. He can play eighty or ninety of the most elaborate compositions of tbe classical composers by heart. In fact, it is said he has only to hear a melody once to learn it. He has played before the Pope, and olso to the Queen of Italy, and her Majesty intends to have this precocious child educated at the Milan Conservatoire.

The following is a resume of the extraordinary statistics given by the Paris “ Figaro” aa to the expenses of “ Michael Strogoff ”:— Besides the out-door employes, such as boxoffice clerks, comptrollers, box-openers, &0., each performance of the piece requires 650 persons, viz., 80 scene-shifters, including auxiliaries ; 400 supernumeraries, 50 dancers, 50 musicians, 40 tailors, dressmakers, maid*, hair-dressers for both sexes, servants, &0., and 30 actors and actresses. There are also 30 horses.* All this costs about 22(M)fr. for each performance. Before the curtain rose on the first performance, the expenses of getting up the piece amounted already to 340,000 fr., divided as follows : three months of rehearsal* at about 7000 francs per month, 21,000 tr.; 21 no-performance evenings, 60,000 fr.; scenery and decorations, 10,000 fr. ; costumes, 160,000 francs. To redeem this outlay of 340,000 fr., a sum of 3400 fr. must bo deducted from the gross receipts of the first hundred performances. The average receipt of 12,000 fr. is reduced by rent of the house, authors’ rights, rights of the poor, &\, to 7200 fr. Deducting 3400 fr. for the redeeming fund, and 2560 fr. for working expenses, the net profit of each porfornisnce is brought down to 1240 fr.

DIDN’T MAKE MUCH DIFFERENCE Doctor, what can 1 do to get rid of my biliousness ?” ueked a Galveston inctriate of a plain spoken doctor. “ Quit drinking beer and whisky.” “ But if I quit I’ll collapse ripht off, won't I ?” “ Certainly." “ It, doesn’t seem to mo that it makes muon difference, then. If 1 keep on I’ll be Hliou* as long as I live, and it I quit I’ll be HHont until I die.”