A WAITER ON WINE.

Globe, Volume XXIII, Issue 2222, 11 April 1881, Page 3

A WAITER ON WINE.

One of the greatest troubles we poor waiters has is with the wine. With the old stagers its all rite; we knows what they likes and we gives it 'em, but wen we has a lot of young swells who knows nothink about wine, in course we don't give them quite the werry best. It mighn't agree with 'em and would be like throin purl afore swyne. Well, wen they calls me up and sez, * Waiter, this port won't do, haven't you somethlnk better than this thiok stuff?' I takes up the bottle - and looks at it and smells i% and I sez, sez I, ' This ain't a bad kind of wine, gents, but it isn't the sort of thing they should ha' sent up for such as you. You want an older and a thinner wine, somethink like wat we gives the Lord Mare and the sheriffs.' 'Yeß,' | sez they, *of com se we do.' So away I goes with the decanter down to the cellarman, and I sez to him, 'Bill,' sez I, 'here's sum young swells upstares as wants an older and thinner wine,' and I tips him a wink. ' All right, Robert,' sez he, so he pours out a glass and he drinks it, and then he pours out another glass and I drinks it, and then he takes the water can and fills np the deoanter and gives it to me, and then he gives me an ale bottle quite Ijlack with crust, that he keeps on purpose, and up I goea up to the young swells. And then I takes 'em all clean glasses, and I fills 'em very carefully, and shose 'em the old blaok bottle, and a fine old cork as I always carris in my waistcoat pokit, and I waits while they drinks. •Ah,' sez one of 'em, 'this is somethink like, this ie, it's just like the wine we used to get at my guv'nor's, or my unole'a, * as the case may be, and they all goes away happy and contented. Ah, it's a funny world, my • lrrd bishup.—"Punch."