POETRY.

Globe, Volume XXIII, Issue 2216, 2 April 1881, Page 3

POETRY.

UNIVERSITY REFORM, A Song of Degbf.bs, [Words by a Lost Genius.] [Air —Sir Joseph Porter’s song In “ Pinafore.”] . Enter Genius, walking rapidly, in a blue frock coat, a Panama hat and rather short trousers (Sings). When I was a lad, I went to school. . Bat I never learnt the meaning of a Litin rule. Of classical learning, I haven’t an ounce, And French I find very hard to pronounce. But that don’t matter in a genius like tne, f or my forte was the Science of Chemistree. Chorus —O, no ! it don’t matter in a genius like he. And now he’s a Professor of Chemlstree. I washed out tho bottles, and I wiped them clean, And I turned the handle of tho big machine. I turned that handle with so much tact, That I ground out a theory of partial impact. Mathematics I scorned, and my thcorces Were quite independent of their formulees. Chorus—(Aside) Ho bothered them so with his theoree, That they sent him to ns across tho sea. By turning that handle I got such a name, That a science teacher I soon became ; I thought that “Latin and Tstory,” Was nothing but “ Verbal memory }” But the Winchester boys, as it soemed to me. Thought the “maximums” of science tingentlemanlee Chorus—lt’s strange that he doesn’t seem to see, Why tho boys thought science ungentlemanlee. Of bottle-washing I got such a grip, That they gave mo a Colonial pr< feesorship ; And that sort of ship so suits my book, i hat I’Jl stick to my berth, by hock or crook— So come to my lectures in 1 hemistree. And nobody need be deterred by the fee. Chorus —Do go to his lectures on Ohemistree, And he’ll teach you all for a very small fee.

Some letters to “ Nature ” I once did write, The spelling is that of a genius - quite. I proved tho resurrection of energee, To myself, most satis'aotorilee ; Arid 1 thought they might do you good to

see, tio I published them here, in Oanterburee. Chorus —He poblLhed them here In C’auterburee, But he doesn’t say they wouldn’t at Home—not he. Now students all ia whatever “ologea ” You’re each of you a genius—just like me; ‘■’o never learn Greek, or succeed at school, For that’s tho distinguishing mark of a fool. In fa t, learn nothing compnlsoreo, For it don’t suit a genius’ dignitoe, ( horns —No, wo won’t learn anything compu’soree. For it don’t suit a genius' dignitee.

They made my Latin compulssree, - - And that’s why I never could take a degree i But a very small payment will give yon a

claim To write a whole alphabet after your name. They won’t let you do it «.t the ’Vartitee, But they will at the Chemical Societee. Chorus—They're such bitter foes to freedom at the Varsitee That they won’t let a genins buy a degree.

There’s many a genins gone to pot By being made to do what he’d rather not ; So if you’ve a genius for pipes and beer. That yon ought to indulge it appears quite clear; For the decomposition of a bit o’ baccee, Ftv sh.w combustion, is Ohemistree. [Exeunt Chorus and Genius, arm in arm, singing. ] Ob, come to £ lectures and smoke baccee For it’s only a branch of Ohemistree.