TELEPHONIC SECRETS.

Globe, Volume XXIII, Issue 2187, 28 February 1881, Page 2

TELEPHONIC SECRETS.

Maister Editor o’ the Q-lobe, — Tha telephone is open again. An ’Tam’s win hams again. * -Are you there, Tam ? ’ * Yes, weol, weol, ian fas gled, and hoca a ni’ you, Tam ? ’ *I am well, Jock, thank you. I assure you am indebted to my trip for a return of good hoahh. May I enquire it you hare boon still yisidng the public houses ? or have you joined the Good Templars during my absence ? or, if you have been watching any of the cases lately brought before the Court in the Lioan-

sod Victuallers’ lino P or hare you been in the enjoyment of good health lately ? ’ ' Are you there, Jock ? ’ * Deed an’ I am, Tam.’ * Liston, ’ “ Weel Tam, you dinna forgot muckle, an’ I may soy un’ brawly tbank you for spooring, an* X hao ta’on your advice aboot they Templars. I hue got intill a cross lodge an’ I am gled I did j I neer hae a sore heed the noo, an’ X spen nae siller in drink, bit X maun tell you a woo bit aboot they Templars : their a vera geid sort o’ folk; some o’ the lassys sings Bangs, ithers play the payaner, an’ some o’ the Bro, mak long speeches aboot the curse o’ the drappy drink. There’s yin a doctor geis us a necklin about the drappy, an’ ho says chloroform is nae gid because it is poisoned wi’ the whiskey. An’ Tam there’s anither stoot woo body, ho does rave, an’ rant when ho gangs on tea lecture ; he jist acts like they theatre bodies. First bis hauna is in his breeks pocket, bo’s guy cool then. After a wee while he sticks his thumes in the ermhole o’ his waisoot, an’ when he gets his thumes wool fixed, he jist geaa on, an’ on, like the eratber of Mount Yesuvis, an’ then a’ body langbs and dadds their neeves till they get fair, then the lava rins oot jist our muckle, they clap again, and when their neeves gets ou’r ssir they dribble oot yin, by yio, but oh Tam it is sic fun for they bodies as con listen. But Tom the cause is gid, vera gid, an’ I hea reason to thank dude that I have joined they folks, for their a omost, a decent gid lot o’ folks, a healthy, an’ weel put on. Tam you maun jist deo the riobt thing an’ come in amang us.” “ Are you there, Jock ? ”

x uoou uui a buubi “ Liston I ” “ Well, Jock, I am highly pleased that you hare succeeded in throwing in your lot with those good people the Templars. I believe them to be sincere ; and if there is a belching forth o£ lava and theatrical gesture on the part of some (no matter how stubborn they may be), boar it with patience, my boy, and look upon your troubles as a joke. You say I should join the order. I may tell you, if accepted in the ranks of the order, possibly I may throw in my lot with you.” “ Listen !” “Has anything been done in the matter of prosecutions re the Licensed Victuallers daring my absence ?” “ I will be back positively at 2 p.m. Till then—” “ Are you there, Tam ?” “Yes.” “Aigh, maum, bit your punctual.” “ Listen!” Maiater Tovoy was brouoht up on a charge o’ selling drink after hoors, an’ Tam, the ease was dismissed jist wi' anither bit o’ folly, an’ it was the faut o’ the boss o the polees this time, an jist wi’ mer brass than goad he didna stick tue the act o’ 1866, session 17, clause 32, the act itscll says, “provided always that whenever ony complaint has been made by ony o’ the constables or any ither body against tho holder o’ the license it shall be the duty of tho chief cfficer o’ tho pelees to garr a ooppy to be sent to tho holder inside of 2-1 hours o’ the complaint bein made and the officer shall proceed to lay Information thereof before a justice of the peace/’

(“ I dinna ken if I hoa spoilt’ this rioht, I jiat ooppied ib frea tho act.”) Wool, Tam, he thouoht he konc the act, or else he tried tae mak the Court o’erride it. He didna gei the notice o’ the act 100 Toyey dea you think he’is the richt man too gard the public interest? He jiat thouoht he wadna bo questioned aboot it, bit he was a long wiy oot, an' 1 toll you, Tam, there can bo only yin lair for New Zealand, an’ that is the laws o’the Queen, an’ I tell you again nao ither crooned heed or his laws will get leave to poke their spurtlo in our New Zealand porridge pot. An' if they hoosos that’s Xn a’ nioht lang an’ a’ Sabbath tae is no’ led by the polees, the polees an’ the Act baith is nao use tae us, ’deed, Tam, the polees, far’s I see, has naething much to do, an’ I think we cud das withoot tho hale boiling o’ them, I, an’ the magistrates and J.P.’s tae, for tho metiers o’ that. “ Yin ither question fore I bin hame. Dae you think they polees bodys and justices hae got shares in they pubs, or dae the borrow siller frea them ?’’ “ I din-aa want an answer tho noo, 1 ken what I think mysel.” Quid nioht, Tam, an’ joy be wi’ yon, Your always frein, JOCK McOLAOHIN,

MUNICIPAL OFFICERS. To the Editor of the Globe. Sib, — I saw a report in your paper last week wherein the City Council sued a resident at Obertaey for scavenging rates due on city property. Judgment was given for defendant, with costs against the Council amounting to about four times the amount of plaint, the defendant producing a receipt. As one smarting under the enforced payment of Bimilarrates(that but for the negligence of Council officers should have been collected from tenants), I object to this waste of money. Who received payment in the case heard last week, and upon whom will the costs fall P I object to the public funds being used for it, and I hope one of the Councillors will ask the question. Tours, &c., RATEPAYER. February 28th, 1831.