THE LOAFER IN THE STREET.

Globe, Volume XXII, Issue 2087, 1 November 1880, Page 3

THE LOAFER IN THE STREET.

" A man named B. Jones, a groom at the Royal Hotel, Cooma, N.S.W., picked up a purse containing upwards of £IOOO belonging to a hawker, and, when he found the owner, returned the money safe. The owner gave Jones a half-sovereign." And very liberal too these hard times. I'm only surprised at Mr Jones accepting it. Next time Jones finds £IOOO, however, I shall be very much more surprised if he gives tho original owner a chance of hurling such an immenso percentage of his lost wealth at him. "At Exeter, a young farmer for shooting a rabbit on his own farm has been sent co gaol for a month, while a man brought before the same tribunal for brutally assaulting his wife was fined 55." There were four things that tho wisest and most fearfully married of Kings stated that he could not manage to get the hang of. Had he lived in these days he might have added to his list, " the ways of a beak on the bench." Every British husband has a right to thump his wife of course, but if he commits the error of being found out he might at least be fined to the same extent he would were he to commit an assault on a fellow citizen.

Many of your readers will remember that at the time of the Eranco-Prussian war a considerable sensation was produced in England by the publication of a little story called " Dame Europa's School." It was very brief, but it knooked the public, and the author made a hat lull o£ money out of a narrative

of a school fight. I wish this stoiy had never been written. From a little anecdote I have just heard I feel I could have written a better story than Dame Europa, but the author of that work got in first. Like the gentleman who thought he could have written better than Shakespeare had he lived in front of him, I suffer from forming a unit in a played out age where there is no originality. I may as well tell you briefly about this conflict. It illustrates a great large principle. Two youths at one of our charitable educational institutions quarrelled. And eke they fought. One was better than the other. In my experience of such matters I have found that this is not unusual. I have usually been the other. The better slogger of the two hit the other boy twioe or thrice on his little nose, and blood ensued. During a deadly rally whioh followed, the victorious boy got covered with his opponent's blood. Then they were separated. It befel that the worsted boy washed away the stains of this desporato fight. The victor did not act wisely. So it was that when they twain thus cime before the magister, he said to the victor, " You aoom to have had enough already." While to the othor lad he said, " Take this," and toko fell on the vanquished one. To him that hath shall be given.

Few people would believe the amount of poetry there is written here. The verses I quoted last week are not by any means the most peculiar—shall I say—that have graced that tomb of many hopes—the editorial waste paper basket. I have to produce this week a very different poem. It's what I should say ringing it in pretty low on the editor of the «Mail." CHANGED. 0 Changed did you eay t The change is not in me. H How many years have passed sinoe first we met, A And pledged our troth, and felt that but to be, K Nay, but to breathe the self same air, and whet T The appetite of love on mutual smiles and tears— B Bevealed the wealth of all this world can give, E Even through the vista of all coming years? Y Yet do you say I'm changed ! and still I live. 1 Is not the change in you who charge me ■o? S Say, has not time bedimmed the earlier love. A And light of youth ? and yet I am your wife!— N Nay, scorn me not—

I lam your wife, yon cannot say me no. D Days, months, nay, years may pass above my head, I In weary following, until that welcome day— O Oh! that it were at once—when, in my narrow bed, T The love and wrongs of life might be forgot for aye. —Cecilia.

Editorial note on tho above : Your pretty verses are aocepted with thanks. We hope their insertion will prove an incentive to further efforts, and trust to hear from yon again. Printed and published by the proprietor, John Ghantrey Harris, at his registered printing office, corner of Lambton quay and Waring Taylor street, Wellington, New Zealand—Oct. 16, 1880. Oh Crikey! On the principle of fools rushing in where angels fear to tread, you will generally observe that the most disagreeable men are usually married to the most charming women. Similarly the best boys more than frequently elect to espouse shrews. Thus the difficulties of squatters in obtaining good married couples are very great. Any of the Ovine Kings will tell you this is so. A female section of a married couple appears in some respect to have attempted to solve this difficulty the other day. It was as thus. One of the largest of our commercial firms advertised recently for a married couple. The lady under notice put in an appearance with a coloured gentleman whom she represented as her husband and applied. for the situation. She was told that the color was objected to. About a week after she came again, this time with a party of the Celestial Empire. On being again refused she departed, and is now presumedly in search of an Anglo-Saxon spouse more fitted to suit the views of the commercial firm. You can't beat them in Honolulu for marriage and obituary notices. Here's another sample : " DIED. "At sea, on board of the bktne Ella, on Sapt 11, Annie Susana, twin daughters of Mr and Mrs , of San Franoisoo. ' What a world were this, How unendurable its weight, if they Whom Death had sundered did not meet again.''"

The experiences of auctioneers must be both numerous and diversified. As the French observe " this goes without saying.' Here is one little experience of a very genial Christchuroh knight of the hammer. It happened quite recently. It was a clearing sale. A Northern Boniface was leaving his hotel, and summoned the general knight to vend his furniture, horses, &0., right out. It was in a district where men oome from far and near to such like ceremonies, and where they celebrate the occasion by—let us say —a few drinks. It was thus then. Ae the epio Virgilius so sweetly sings, the audience were for the most part " iviplentur veteris Bacchce " Some two or three got overcome by excitement, and retired to sleep on some of the couches of the establishment. In due course the couches were put up by the auctioneer. It is a popular superstition that no Blave exists where the British flag flaunts around. The tradition was exceptionalißed on this ocoasion, for the auctioneer sold those couohes with their slumbering inhabitants " thrown in." Thus it was that several most respectable inhabitants of the Huruuui district have passed into serfdom.

Is it not Mr Burns, the Caledonian poet, who makes the remark about the best laid schemes of men and mice ganging oft agley (old Sootoh word for " crooked) ? They do sometimes. A while since a gentleman, being in temporary difficulties, made over his property to his wife. When the crash came, some of the creditors objeoted to the course adopted, and opposed the passing of the certificate. " What," said a friend of the lady in question, " do you intend doing about this busineas ?" " Why," said the lady, " I shall pay 'em 20s in the pound." There is a large and important commercial moral contained in this anecdote. I make a present of it to this community with a great deal of pleasure. The übiquitous and irrepressible Brian recently in the fullness of hio heart, presented me with a Tramway Time-table. Glancing over this thrilling publication I observed the following advertisement:—" Mr C. A. Calvert, Member of the Royal College of Surgeons, England (late Staff Veterinary Surgeon, H.M.8.) Papanui." I gather from the above that my friend Mr Calvert belonged to H.M.S. Papanui, and can only infer that ho is a retired officer of the Horse Marines.

Tho Cathedral Guild is a good institution, and worthy of all support, but I may perhaps bo excused for saying that some of the entertainments tinder its auspices would be the better for a little reorganising. It would be as well if those who have the management of those periodical entertainments were given some definite instructions as to tho olass of people they should ask to assist them in their performances. The standard might be made as high-toned as the most hypercritical manager could desire, but some understanding should be arrived at as to the class of people who are good enough to sing. There are one or two amateur ladies here who are frequently in the habit of giving their services for entertainments of a oharitable kind, who have sung repeatedly and successfully before audiences perhaps as good as those of the Guild. One of those was recently asked by the musical director of the Guild entertainment to sing. She acceded, rehearsed her song, and then had her name knocked out of the {programme for some reason best known to the gentleman who pencilled her name out of the cast. Never having seen a show of this description, I am, of course, quite unable to account for what I should, according to my lights, consider a piece of the coolest imperti« nence I ever heard of; but from what I hear of the business, I should oertainly re. commend the unfortunate new ohum organist (if he is to continue as musical director) to take the lists of singists to his principal for approval he/ore he asks the ladies themselves. Meantime I shall watch for tho names on the programme at the next entertainment at the Guild with much curiosity. It will, aa racing men say, give musical people aline.