LITERATURE.

Globe, Volume XXII, Issue 2058, 28 September 1880, Page 3

LITERATURE.

AN OLD-FASHIONED ELECTION S T O B Y. TFrom "Truth."J Mb Laggit went down to his constituency at Potmore as firmly resolved aa ever a man was that he would not spend a single penny on his election, over and above the fair charges for printing, the posting of bills, and the hire of rooms in which he would deliver his speeches. He loathed bribery for two reasons; firstly, because it was expensive ; and, iu the next place, because it was debasing to the character of the individual who had recourse to it; for sorely a candidate who has a good opinion of himself has no need to pay electors to vote for him. Now, Mr Laggit had a capital idea of himself. He was a Liberai having large views on all the questions of the day, and yet prudence enough to control himself when it came to the point of voting for the innovations which he advocated. A progressist in theory, he was often to be found in the Conservative lobby, or in no lobby at all, when the division bell rang. * i'or the world,' said this cautions gentleman, 'must not hurry on in leaps and bounds, it must roll forward at a steady pace, so that the good institutions upon it may suffer no breakage/ These theories commended themselves to many Conservatives in Potmore, as well as to square-toed Liberals, and Mr Laggit enjoyed uc disturbed possession of his seat until it pleased the great brewer, Sirßlchaid Bungs, to come forward as the exponent of a policy more palatable to Churchmen and publicans than the somewhat flavourless opinions which poor Mr Laggit emitted. When Mr Laggit arrived in Potmore, he found that his opponent, Bungs, had been before him in the field, plastering every dead wall with white posters, three yards long, printed in blue letter, so that there_ was no more room on the walls for advertisements of any kind. Likewiee Bungs had hired all the public-houses for his committees, chartered all the brass bands, engaged every fly in the town, and recruited all the roughs to distribute circulars for him, and to furnish him with a bodyguard of applaudeis when he went on his canvassing rounds. Organisation so complete as this staggered oar friend Laggit, His agent, Keynßole, a shrewd man, said : 'They've sprung a mine on us. They hold the town in their hands, and yon'll have to spend a mint of money, if you care to beat them.' ' I won't spend a sixpence,' replied Laggit excitedly ; ' they've taken all the hoardings. Well, that will save my expenses for advertising. Ab for sppeehes, why, I'll make them in the Town Hall.' 1 Well, I like your plnck,' rejoined Keynsole; ■ and of course I'll do my best for you. But I don't like to lure yon with false hopes. Mind, the first essential is that yon issue an address proclaiming a policy just the opposite of Bungs.' ' Here it is,' cried Laggit, drawing a sheet of foolscap from his pocket; * courage without raehneßS, caution without timidity, progress without precipitation ' •No, that won't do at all,' demurred Keynsole ; ' Bangß is for upholding everything; you must go in as a demo'ishfr. Kamember, you won't get a single Tory

vote, so it's no use mincing matters. Just begin by making a bold attack upon the Church of England,' which swarms with abuses, as an old house does with rats.' ' Rata in the Church of Eng'and' wrote down Laggit, obediently, with a pencil, which he wetted on the tip of his tongue j ' then I think they've coma abases in the House of Lords.' 'Don't touch the Lords ; yon may think is worth while to become a peer yourself sort day,' responded Keynsole, drily ; ' but now come to financial matters. '; here's a strong party in this town opposed to the Soap 'lax * ' We'll abolish Boap,' assented the candidate, scribbling some more lines. « No, not soap, but the Soap Tax ; ami you matt say something abost brer. Write that you want the wording man to have hie beer cheap and unadulterated. That wil3 touch the publicans in a tender place.' ' Beer for the million !' wrote Laggit, whose spirits were beginning to revive ; *I think this will bo a very ade'rese, Keynsole. I've long been anxious to speak out my mind without reserve on the questions of the day.' Keynsole gave him some more hints, and the_ two between them forged an address, which had at least a thorough going ring about it. Then the agent went out to take this document to the printer's, while Laggit went forth to prosecute a personal canvass. : It should be confessed here that Laggit; had not a bluff and genial presence like bis antagonist Bungs. His legs w-ra flutey, his voice was shrill, his manner was often abrupt from, absent-mindedness, and he produced but little impression on ladies. Daring his canvass he was snubbed by many electors who hid previously supported him ; but he got promises from others who had never voted for him before, deeming him not buffieient'y earnest in the cause of progress.

Since the previous election a good number of working-men electors had been added to the registration lists, and mo e than twothirds of these pledged themselves to back the man who was going to stop the publicans from doctoring their beer. For all this, Keynsole looked gloomy. He had a list of all the electors in the town, and, after the usual manner of agents, he had scored blue, red, or yellow marks against the names of voters who were 'for,' * against,'or * doubtful,' as the case might be. Potmore boasted about 700 electors. Of these, roughly speaking, 330 had given promises to Bungs ; 250 were for Laggit, so that there remained 120 who might be reckoned as doubtful and open to the solicitations of either candidate. It struck Keynsole from the first as curious that out of a compara- ively small constituency I'2o voters should be able to keep their opinions dark ; and he spent several days in trying to investigate this mystery. It was all to no purpose, and the 120 remained as impenetrable as sphinxes. But one afternoon as the much-perplexed agent was sitting with Mr Laggit In bis office, and conversing with that excellent man about a speech which the latter was to deliver that evening, there appeared before them the florid figure of one Boundy, & grocer, who said to them with a wink in his eye,— * G entlemen, do you want 105 votes safe ?' 'Yes, if you please,' answered politely, for he thought this an obliging offer. 'Well, at £3O a-head their yours,' responded the amiable grocer; " L\e come from the Black Lambs, and we all plump together.' ' Black sheep would be a more appropriate name, sir,' answered Mr Laggit, indignantly; 'do you think I have come into this town to purchase the consciences of the electors ? * ' We have no principles and belong to no party,' continued Mr Bjundy, breezily, as if he had not heard that last remark ; • we are an association who give cur vote to the. hieliest bidder, and this time our price is £3O a head. For £3150, Mr Laggit, well see you safe through; if you won't treat with us you have no chance.' ' Leave my presence instantly, sir,' said the anti-soap tax candid -to pointing to the door, and he was really quite red in the face from anger. * Very well, sir. My address is 15, High street,' rejoined the grocer, not in tte least abashed, ' you'll always find me there if yarn want me; but remember th«* if yoa put off the bargain till polling day we shall want £4O a head,' saying which ho smirked and marched oat. ' I marvel at tho mai's effontery,' observed Mr Laggit when the grocer had gone oat. ' I rather wonder at his high prices,' was all that Mr Keynsole would answtr. Cn the polling day it would have been patent to an observer of the meanest capaclsy —had an observer of mean capacity been present—that the election at Potmore was not going favorably for Laggit. The supporters of Bangs were übiquitous, noisy, and sanguine. They had all the bands of music with them, the flyman, the hordes of squalling boys, the roughs who wore bice ribbons, and the jeunesse doree composed of young counter-jumpers, with crut_h-heiide<l sticks and much-chewed toothpicks. Poor Laggit, wrapped in his virtue, sat in the back room of a temperance hall (the only committee room which he had been able to obtain), and dolefully examined the reporte of his runners as they came e.cy half hour to tell him how many of his promised backers had voted.

Now, Laggit's opinion on the subject ol bribery had not changed a whit tince the day when he had ordered Foundy, the grocer, to depart out of his presence, but now that the poling time had coma he could not reflect without extreme bitterness en his prospect of being turned oat of his seat in. the House of Commons. Parliament had become the business of his life—his pleasure as well as his occupation. If he were ejected from it what should he do 1 Moreover, now that Laggit came to think on the matter, he hated Bungs for making all that row ia the streets with his bands and hireling shooters. The Jingo songs, and ' Sea the Conqurieg Bero,' had been played at least fifty timce that morning. Leggit felt he should like to triumph over Bungs, if only to see the lafer's face of dismay at having spent so much money in vain. Laggit also wanted to overpower Bungs because he (Laggit) was a virtuons man, which Bungs was not. It is good that uprightness should have its ascendanca at the polls as elsewhere. Besides, what would beoome of the poor man's pure beer, and of the cheap soap for the little children, who could not be washed so long as the iniquitous soap tax were maintained ? Worthy Laggit was deeply moved as he mused on these things, to the_ tune of the uninterrupted din that was going on oatside. Three o'clock came, and with it the tempter under the form of Keynsole, who said, — ' Look hore ; we've no time to lose. The Bungs party have ref need the Black Lambs, because they fancy they can do without them; so Boundy tells me we can have the 105 . votes at £2O a head—it's a great bargain.' ' Not a penny !' shrieked Laggit; * not a penny, Keynsole. I'll win witaout brifcing.' * Think—the poll closes at four. Now or never is the time.' 'Never, then,' bawled laggit; 'ah, it's not the money I care for. Twenty pounds a head did yon say ? Why, I've that sum ia a bag here, all iu gold too ; bnt I woulds't give it out of principle! Good afternoon, Keynsole; I'm goirjg out to take some refreshment. Goad afternoon.' The candidate went out, but in going he left, by accident or design, the bag with the money in it on the table. Eeyneole, whe had but a diluted belief in human integrity, apparently thought the omission intentional, for he smiled as he took up vht? bair and examined the contents. An hoar afterwards the result of the poll was published as follows :—Laggit, 350 ; Bungs, 319; rnsjorHj for Laggit, 1. ' A queer thing happened to me on that election day,' Boid Laggit, shoitly afterwardsin an artless tone to hia friend Keynsole ; 1 lost a little black bag I always used to carry about with my money in, and whea I found it again there was some of tho rroney gonei; bat the thief had left me about a hundred pounds. Odd, isn't it.' 'Very,' answered Keyn-ole. 'Hadn't you better inform the police ? ' ' Oh, no, I hate trouble,' replied LaggiW, hastily, 'besides, the sum I lost wasn't a large one.* • Just enough to buy a few Umbra with.' chuckled Keynsole to himself, bnt net loud.