THE LOAFER IN THE STREET.

Globe, Volume XXII, Issue 2051, 20 September 1880, Page 3

THE LOAFER IN THE STREET.

At certain seasons of the year it falls to the old man’s lot to arise at an unearthly hour and proceed in course of business past the Hospital. It is never very festive to got up before daylight, and on mornings when “ t-ie hare limps shivering through the frozen grass,” you can realise the truth of Mr O. Lamb’s remark as to the folly of getting up before the world is well aired. Bat discomfort often gets less by comparison with others. Thus it is that as I pass the Hospital I often think of the hours of pain spent by the majority of the inmates. I often wanted to have a good look round this institution, and a friend of mine being recently an inmate I got the chance I had long looked for. _ You muse please understand that I’m not going to represent myself as your special in the few remarks I’m going to put on paper, but I dare say a few particulars of this institution may not be uninteresting, though it must be confessed it is the last place in the world to go for subjects of humor. I called on Dr. Davies, the house surgeon, who was courtesy itself, and gave me every information in his power. To my old friend, Mr Brown, who is a veteran on the establishment, I am much indebted for many quaint anecdotes in connection with the working of the institution. It is scarcely worth while to give any detailed account of the day’s doings at the hospital. The average newspaper reader flies from a statistical paragraph as from tho book agent, but everything goes on like clockwork, and from what I saw in several visits, and from what I learned from more than one patient, no pains, trouble, or expense are spared in increasing the comfort of the patients. The kitchen and laundry arrangements are very perfect. There ia a fair library, and well disposed people occasionally send the institution a few illustrated papers. The authorities could do with a heap more, and I make your readers a present of the suggestion with much pleasure. There are also not a few lady visiters who read to the patients, and whose visits must be much looked for. Many of these bring flowers, fruit, &0., and in this respect too I might remind your readers that flowers aro always welcome at tho hospital. There is a rule there that at eight o’clock at night the lights are turned down, and all talking is supposed to cease. I ventured to a«k whether this applied also to those wards devoted to the fair sex, and was told it did. I have been struggling ever since to believe this. I have failed. In company with Mr Brown I visited the splint room, which for implements of torture reminds one of those pleasant relics of the Star Chamber one sees in the Tower of London, Close here is a padded room, containing tho most luxuriant accommodation for anyone who feels inclined to knock his head against the wall. There are people who, strange to say, find an amusement in such a proceeding. Every house has a skeleton in the closet, as some philosopher has beautifully observed, and there is, as might be supposed, one at tho Hospital. When you look at a skeleton you doubt tho truth of the oft-quoted aphorism that a thing of beauty is a joy for ever. Amongst other curiosities is a very peculiar skull. To the best of my recollection, tho intense faith placed by Captain Cuttle in his adviser the renowned Bunchy arose from the fact that his head had received more knocks than any other known seaman. Were there any truth in tho creed of Cuttle, the former owner of this skull must have been a most talented man. Two large bullet boles through the front of tho skull and a sabre] soar at tho side are reminiscences of the Danish war with Prussia. Shortly after arriving in the colony the unfortunate soldier get a large piece taken clean off his skull. Theoretically ho could not survive, but somehow he did, and came into the hospital a year or so afterwards with his ear burnt off. Tired of this, he made his last appearance as a consumptive patient, and never came out again. For obvious reasons 1 refrain from any allusion to any of the patients I saw, many of whom I know well personally, but some of them are sad enough. One—a very well known man hero too—has been lying seven years inside the Hospital walls, paralysed. He is wonderfully cheerful, but I don’t fancy many of his former acquaintances trouble him with visits. There is a boat (tho Bengal) belonging to the institution. In this Mr Brown goes forth to fish during tho season, and the more delicate patients have often some of the speckled denizens of the Avon as an addition to their fare. As the season is just commencing, any of our fishermen returning with an over-filled creel might do worse than leave a fish or two at the Hospital. You may observe I have, with the exception of Dr, Davies, made no olluaion to the medical staff. They are certainly a good team, but I trust I have been sufficiently introduced to myself not to dwell on this subj ot further. My boy, unless you mean to enlarge your paper, never write on our medicos. If topics be scarce, tackle tho origin of species, the synthetic unity of o perception, anything but this most delicate topic. Talking of the medical profession, a new light has arisen here, with whom I’m really afraid none of the others will be able to compote. He is a professor (not Gueoott) of course. Ho calls himself a Phrenologist and Astro-Botanist. He takes tho stars into his confidence, and works out his prescription with the aid of a vegetable garden and tho constellations. For a fixed salary, as per arrangement, he will guarantee your health and that of family. In tho exercise of his profession he calls around on families promiscuously, presents his card, and wants to trade right away. Personally I know nothing of Astro-Botany, but, so far as I’ve got, I prefer pills. The hard times have made things a bit rough in ecclesiastical quarters as well as elsewhere. Collections in many places have fallen off, and, possibly in default of possessing the traditional threepenny bit, many aro absent from church on Sundays. Rising to the occasion, however, a reverend gentleman has struck a most effective plan of keeping his offertories up to the mark. On the first Sunday of a new quarter each seatholder found on his place in church a neat card embellished with texts suitable to the occasion, and with a blank space for the sitters to fill in the amount they proposed to donate during tho quarter. On tho succeeding Sunday a certain number of what I believe aro called “Change envelopes,” were placed in tho pew, with a number corresponding to that on the card. There were to be filled regularly week by week, and in cose of absence to be sent in, money enclosed, tho succeeding Sabbath. There’s no use in staying away from service in that community now. You have to part in any, case. It would seem that there are occasions when it works well to encourage people to let their works shino before men. In that church you never observe men fumbling in their pockets to find the carefully stored threepenny. The threepenny is played out.

Now what does this mean ? “Wanted Known, that all journeymen tailors are requested to keep away from Christchurch on account of strike at Hobbs and Co. with reference to extra amount of machinery being put into garments at a great reduction,” I’ve given this a lot of consideration, and I give it best. Does it mean that the strike is on because of a reference to putting machinery into garments, which is apparently a sartorial innovation or because the garments are at a great reduction, or is the extra amount of machinery at a great reduction shoved into the garments? It is a mystery. Civilisation almost daily scores fresh notches in the pyramid of pi ogress. This is an original remark on the part of yours truly. It roads rather like Rochefoucault. Amongst the most deadly weapons of destruction invented of late years are the Torpedo and the Blackball. Tho latter especially. I can scarcely imagine a mare interesting topic to work up for an intelligent reading public than the principles of blackballing. It is a well known fact that in many English Clubs of an exclusive tendency a man is not unfrequsntly pilled by his own proposer and seconder. But I scarcely think that course is good enough for us here. Between you and me, there are precious few residents in these parts who have the slightest pretensions to shove on frills. But frills do appear on these occasions, sometimes [on people whore you would least expect to see them. I am led to these cursory remarks from a circumstance that has occurred here in connection with a ball which is, not to put too fine a point on it, a benefit affair. On such occasions it would seem to mo that it were best not to bo hypercritical. At any public affair of a similar kind one meets people who are, to say the least of it, peculiar in their style, but they are not obtrusive ; indeed, often they eve more than amusing- Such people add greatly to any ball. Rut it seems that wo are getting particular as to whom wo come in contact with. The circumstances

I hsvo referred to above require delicate handling. There are ladies concerned, and a* the affair ia supposed to be to a certain extent private, the less one says about it the better. I should have thought that the parties ostracised were good enough to go anywhere 1 I state this with much diffidence, but on future occasions when a public ball is given under similar circumstances it would be perhaps a good deal more advisable to advertise a list of qualifications that would entitle ladies to consider themselves good enough to meet on a neutral footing the rising generation here. The question is not “ What shall we do with our Girls,” but how shall _we protect our poor Boys ? It’s a big and important question.