MISCELLANEOUS.

Globe, Volume XXII, Issue 1971, 18 June 1880, Page 3

MISCELLANEOUS.

Ever since it was stated that a kiss drove an Indian girl crazy, all the girls have been saying, “Pooh! I’d like to have it tried on me ! ”

How any man can rack his head over these new puzzles when he can sit on a log and fish all day without a bite is paat comprehension. !,sThe editor of the “ Sanquoit (N.Y.) Register ” suggests that persons sending in big eggs will please accompany them by several ordinary sized ones, not for publication, but so that the contrast will be apparent, and as a guaranty of good faith. Ole BuU has been lecturing on “Philology” in Boston. Ho is getting up in language so that he may be able to say something in case he should ever be called upon to give a few farewell concerts. —“ New Orleans Picayune.”

The sea serpent was seen sixteen times in 1879 against nine times in 1878. This proves that the whiskey manufactured last year was almost twice as demoralising as that made in 1878. —“ Norristown Herald.”

Alabama panthers lore to catch a young man about two miles from home on a dark night. They carefully walk behind him, growling and screaming and pawing up dried leaves, and when he reaches home at last his brothers take him for their grandfather.

Three dogs, two boys and a cat, says the ’3* Danebury Nows,” got into a jangle at the foot of Maple Avenue yesterday morning, and for a few minutes things were considerably Buttercupped. When the cat got loose it went over a fence with its ideas and tail very much enlarged. " Monoma ” writes from Avooa, la. r—“ I have been the happy wife of a workingman for nearly five years. My husband carries no tin pail, digs no ditches, and saws no wood, but I should love him just as well if he did, provided he was the same educated, refined, loving man as he now is.”

" Dat oullud pussum on de jury, him’s de man I objeo’ to,” said a negro when put on trial in the Marion, 8.0. Court the other day. The black, good man and true, was unseated, and the prisoner given acquittal. After hi« release, the darkey wan asked what he had ogainst a juryman of his own color. “Nufiin at all, boss,” said he, “but, ye see, I knowed if I flattered de prejndus of de odder jurymen dat I get off, an’ golly I did.” A lady recently had a premonition that as soon as she printed her first volume of poems she would die. The premonition was fulfilled. We would earnestly call the attention of a large number of poetical young ladies and gentlemen to the fact that things generally happen without any premonition at all. —“ Courier Journal.” An English visitor at Peshawar sends homa the following inscription copied by him from a tombstone in the English graveyard there : “ Sacred to the memory of the Bev. Blank Blank, A.M., who spent seventeen years as a missionary among the Afghans, and translated the Holy Writ into their language. Ho was shot by his attendant. “ Well done, thou faithful servant!” Mary made a little pie, The upper crust was tough ; But Mary’s brother chewed away, And couldn’t get enough. She tried a piece herself one night, And strange as it may seem, I That simple chunk of pie became The fabric of a dream. The editor of the Mount Sterling (Ky.) “ Scorcher ” had a call the other night from 200 masked men, who requested him to publish their warning against the horse-thieves of tho country. He said it was against his rule to publish anonymous communications, but he thought he would make an exception in this instance. Straight where she strayed, with stride he strode, Sad sighed he on the sod, and said, “ Say, see I sigh and sue you so.” . She had no heed, but hid her head— Maud’s mood the mud of maad made mad; No answer knew she now but “No.” —“Kansas City Times.” Things Never to be Done.—Never attempt to write an original article unless your scissors are sharp. Everybody likes an incisive writer. Never talk of yourself in a country where forty odd millions of people are bent on talking of themselves. Never ask a question unless you intend to pay attention to the answer. There is no pleasure in life comparable to the joy of airing your knowledge. Give your friend a chance to air his. He will love you with a love surpassing that of woman. Never say that you have heard before what your friend has evidently taken great pleasure in telling you. His delight at finding you equally well informed with himself may not be so great as you had imagined. Never look a gift horse in the mouth while the donor is present. After he is gone it is a duty. The proper study for the horseman is the horse. Never tell a secret to a woman. If you can’t keep it yourself, why expect she will be able to keep it to herself ? Never fret about to-morrow’s weather. If to-day’s weather is pleasant, enjoy it. You may be so fortunate as to escape to-morrow’s storm by getting smashed on the railway or blown up on the steamboat.

A Brooklyn man stole up behind a lady in a dark room and kissed her, and when he found it was his wife, and she found it was her husband, they were both as mad as wot hens.—" Boston Post.”

A Sharp Qibl. —Collette, the 15-year-old daughter whom Alexander Dumas has proudly introduced in society, and her sister Jeannine, aged 18, recently expressed themselves to a lady questioner as follows ’—“Whom do you wish to marry ?” asked the lady of the elder of the girls. “I wish to marry an idiot,” she replied, “ but the trouble is, I am sure some some day or other to meet a greater idiot than he, and perceive that I have been too hasty in my choice.” “Don’t be alarmed, sister,” rejoined Jeannine, “ you will never meet a greater imbecile than the man who will marry you.”

The Fbenchman’s Revenge. —There are but few pleasing reminiscences of the times when business and credit were prostrated by the hurricane which swept over this country in ’37 —when the banks generally suspended specie payment, and hard cash was a phenomenon. We recollect but one mirth-provoking incident connected with the great panic, and that was the presentation of a hundred dollar bill at the counter of a city bank by a Frenchman, with a demand for the specie. “Monsieur,” said the fierce little Frenchman, " will you pay zis bill ? Till you give me ze monnaie ?” “We cannot redeem it at present,” said the teller, in a very bland tone, “we have suspended.” “Suspended! Vat dat ? Hang by zs neck like one damn thieving dog ? No, sar! you no deceive mo, ear ! I vill have ze I’argent, ze gold, ze silvare, ze coppare ! ” "We cannot pay it now. We will redeem our notes when other banks will redeem theirs.” “ When oder banks redeem theirs ? By gar, zs oder bank say the same, sar! I vill shoot yeu, sar, vis ze pistol, ze gun, ze cannon, sar!” “You had better wait, sir. You had better keep cool.” “By >ar, I vill not vait, I vill not keep cool—l vill lave, by gar, revenge ! Sacre! Look here ! I tear your paper note all in leetlo piece. I chew him! I stamp on him! You lose your leetle damn billet note! There, ear —I am revenge ! I am, by gar, revenge !” And having destroyed the note, looking full defiance at the cashier, tellers, and all banks, the little Frenchman stalked out of the bank with an air of Napoleon. Woman’s Nebte. —A tall lady with a saturnine countenance came into the “ Chronicle ” to-day and demanded of one of the reporters if Virginia offered a good field for a series of a dozen lectures on woman’s suffrage. “ I don’t think the Oomstockers have thought much about female suffi age,” replied the reporter frankly. “ Don’t say female,” said the tall lady, sharply. “Why not ?” asked the reporter, in innocent surprise. “ Because, sir, a term that is used to describe sex in animals should not be applied to women,” The reporter admitted, in great humiliation, that the point was well taken, and looked up in some alarm at the severe countenance of the lady, who was e head taller than himself, and manifestly able to thrash him in the interest of progress, if so disposed. The stern countenance softened somewhat at the signs of confessed inferiority, however, and the lady continued : —“ The cause of woman is the cause of humanity. The cause of humanity embraces all progress. Why, then, should the people of Virginia bo indifferent to woman?” “They’re not!” cried the small reporter, hastily ; “ far from it. Woman is the boss of this camp. Everything she wants she gets, and not one in a hundred has to do a lick of work.” “ Mere toys,” said the tall one, with deep scorn. “Playthings for an idle hour. You cover woman with silks and gauds, and sink her soul into insignificance by circumscribing her sphere and allowing her no mission in life.” “ Well,” admitted the small reporter, “ that’s about the way we look at it up here, that’s a fact. Women haven’t got the nerve to raatlo for themselves, like the men.” " Ner r-r-ve ! ” She uttered this word in a terrific tone, so terrific that the small reporter half rose from his chair. “ Nerve ! What is there requiring nerve that you do that I am incapable of ? ” “No offence, madame, no offence. I meant nothing personal, I assure you.” “Am I not stronger than you? ” she demanded, scorning the apology. “Am I not gifted with as great a brain ? Why do you despise my sex ? Wo can boar more pain, and are, therefore, your superiors in courage.” The small reporter was gazing fixedly at a dark corner of the room, and made no answer. “Nerve indeed!” continued the tall lady, “ why women have infinitely more nerve than men. Only yesterday I saw a woman—” “That’s the biggest rat I saver saw in the office,” said the small reporter, staring intently at the dark corner. The screams that rent the air brought in all the printers and several citizens from the street. When they arrived the tall one was standing on a chair with one hand covering her eyes and the other convulsively clutching at her skirts as she gathered them close around her. The small reporter wisely took advantage of the crowd to slip out, and he telegraphed from Gold Hill that ho was \ going down to Carson to work up a big item. —" Virginia City (Nevada) Chronicle.”