BIG WORDS.

Globe, Volume XXII, Issue 1954, 29 May 1880, Page 3

BIG WORDS.

" I want to ace the man who writes the editorials for this paper,” said an individual who looked like a cross between a country store clerk and a job preacher. “ I mean your regular big gun—your sledge hammer heavy weight, so to speak—the one who writes those thick solid leaders, that nobody can understand ; them kind with four syllables in ’em, you know.” “ Well, sir,” said the editor-in-chief, laying down his pen and shutting up a big dictionary—" What can I do for you ?” “ Why,” replied the stranger as ho took out a “ twenty,” and laid it on the desk, “ I want you to give me the worth of that in big words, regular jaw breakers —just the toughest old tooth looseners you can get up for the money.” “ You don’t want them for some other paper ?” said the editor, suspiciously. “ Oh, no ; not at all. Let me explain. You see I belong to one of the debating societies up in Marysville. Of course we haven’t got much city style up there, but we manage to make a deal of noise sometimes.” “Should’nt wonder,” said the editor. “We have some mighty lively debates, I can tell you. Well, ths other day they got up a sort of chin tournament between the two societies. The question mas, I Resolved that bedbugs do not bite Uhinamen.’ Magnificent subject, now—wasn’t it?” “Has considerable bearing on (ho future of the State, I admit,” said the moulder of public opinion. “ Well, you see, wo wore just walking right away from tho other fellows, who hud tho affirmative, when a new member of their crowd, a follow just up from tho city, got up and said ho was satisfied the bedbug didn’t bite the Chinaman, because if it did the result would bo—let’s see, I’ve got it down hero on a piece of paper ; oh, yes—instantaneous pyroligneous asphjxalion!” “What did ho mean?” “I don’t know. Nobody knows. That’s just what’s the matter. It knocked all our fellows perfectly cold—just paralysed tho entire crowd. Wo hadn’t a word to say, and the opposition society carried (ho day and went homo grinning like water melons with one slice out.” “That was annoying.” “You bet it was! Just think of the meanness of that cuss to spring u couple of words like that “»n a Marysville audience. Why, it was terrible. Of course we did tho best wo could to got even. Well, the next aturday we had another strong subject: —‘Resolved, That compe>Mng hens to drink hot water will cause them to lay hard-boiled eggs.’ So I braced up and said I oneo had a game rooster that died of curvilinear canlogas photobia.” “ That ought to have extinguished them.” “ Well, it did for a moment, you’d bettor believe. Their crowd turned white around the gills for a minute, but when our fellows had done cheering, tho same fellow—his name is Qufferson, and ho used to be some sort of a professor once, I hear—that same fellow got up and said that, while he largely coincided with tho gentleman who had just sat down, probably the most serious obstacle in tho way of utilising ornithological intelligence was tho tendency of the species toward hysteria lurynxia pologoloraonoaughemis. “Great Scott!” “You may well say so! Of course that just knocked us square oil our pins—wilted us right down—and the audience decided for the opposition side without taking a vote. I believe that if Gufferson hadn’t gone homo that night escorted by Bill Stokes—that’s our police force, you know—some of our members would have assassinated him.” “I should think assassination would bo very multitudinous down your way.” “Multitudinous!—that’s no slouch of a word. Just let me take it down. Yes, it was a regular Waterloo defeat for our club. So the next day they subscribed twenty dollars and the expenses of a committee of one to come right down to ’Frisco and get hold of a lot of words calculated to make the coal rattle in tho collar when they are let off, and to cause thet Gufferson to wish he’d never been born. Dern tho expense ! ” And as the managing editor has taken a day off, and lugged home the book of “Verbal Roots,” we confidently advise our subscribers at Marysville to take to tho foot of the hills before the commissioner returns. Property will be very cheap in that section shortly, it our editor knows himself. “Han Francisco Herald.”