LITERATURE.

Globe, Volume XXII, Issue 1952, 27 May 1880, Page 3

LITERATURE.

THE SIEUR DE MOUNI FLUMMERIE.

Chapter I, THE CAMPAIGN.

Guillaume de Mountflammerle rode forth on to the Peninsula, armed to the teeth. It waa war to the death with De Pillars de Akaroa.

A valiant knight was this Sieur de Mountflummerie, full of wise saws, and with a trenchant broadsword, ground up on the latest volume of statistics. His orest, oopied from an ancient statue of the god Janns, was a man with two faces, either face smiling broadly on the world. He gript between his powerful knees a spotted steed, one skilled in the manifold manoeuvres of his knightly master, and right hardy, as became a horse fed on Parliamentsry pickings. Up hill and down dale rode the Mountflummerie, past the hamlet of the early settler and the cheerful hostelrie, where the thirsty bnshman genially invited him to quaff the flowing bowl. And he had smile and joke for all; but his broadest smile and his most trenchant joke was kept for the trusty "Voter. He looked into schools, did the brave knight, and patted the children on the head. He chucked the maiden under the chin, and praised the cock's-foot crops and kine of the toiling cockatoo. And the setting sun still found him riding on into the gloaming; the smile still on his face, the joke still on his lips—so stalwart a knight was Guillaume de Mountflummerie. Chapter 11. THE HAPPY THOUGHT. The valiant knight has returned to his stronghold. He has doffed his crested helmet and fed his spotted horse. Sunk deep in the luxurious depths of a purple velvet fauteuil, he gazes thoughtfully at the large logs that burn in the ample hearth. His armor being laid aside, the tight buff jerkin aiid hose display to advantage his Bhapely limbs, as ho somewhat violently Hftß his favorite bull-dogue with the point of his toe. The smile has left his lips, and round the corners of his mouth hover nnctious expletives. He seizes his tablets, and his vast brain is soon busily at work. " Two and two are five, and six are twelve"—and he runs hastily up the long list of adherents who have sworn fealty to him. ' S'death !' he exclaims, starting from his seat, and again hoisting his faithful hound several feet into the air. 'Am I, Guillaume de Mountflummerie—l, the stalwart warrior and htaven-born financier—to be trifled with by the base hinds of those cock's-foot covered hills ? Are the courtesies I have dispensed, the largesses that I have showered on their infants with unsparing hand, to go for naught? ,By my Halidom! but it would seem so. The Sieur of Mountflummerie to go under? Never! Annihilation sooner!' And the desperate knight takes down from its peg his trusty falchion, and commences to sharpen its point on his well-worn bluebook.

The logs flicker lower and lower on the hearth, the heavy tapestries stir on the walls moved by the night wind, a deathlike silence and gloom steal over the ancestral hall.

Nothing is heard save the monotonous grinding of the fatal sword and the whine of the bull-dogue as he licks his abrased cuticle. « Ha ! ha!' What was that ?

*Ho ! ho! ho !' Guilianme de Mountflummerie has flung his falchion into the farthest corner of the room, and is dancing wildly over the tesselated floor.

"J'ai deeouvri le trique," he shonta in the purest Norman. " The Plural Vote ! Ha ! ha ! The Plural Vote ! "

"What ho! without there, Varlet"—and at the summons a man at arms peeps through the tapestry. " .Roger," exclaims the excited knight, " telegraph instantly to the Government. Let Lyttelton be proclaimed a polling place. J mill conquer through Ihe Plural Vote. And lookee, Sir Varlet, sharp as thou vainest thine ears. Ha ! ha ! J'ai deeouvri le trique."

Chapter 111. BETEN XEABS AFTERWARDS. Seven long years have rolled by since Guillaume de Mount 11 urnmerie conquered through tbe Plural Vote. The ground down nationalities are seething in anguish. Above all sits a nominated Governor, brooding like a vampire with outstretched winga. The air is full of electricity. The ground is honey-combed with secret societies. The feudal system is breaking up. Le Clob de Iteformistes Associes declares itself in perpetual session. It votes itself indispensable. It decrees that flannel underclothing be distributed among the oppressed poo pies. It throws the cost of the undertaking on a bloated aristocracy. Guillaume de Mountflummerie is declared one of the saviours of his country. The people crown round his spotted horse. His bull-doguo is provided for st the public expense. * # # # * " Quaiid je vais snr le stomp the tyrants tremble," exclaims Milord Grey. Milord Grey is the idol of le Clob de Iteformistes Assvcius. Thoy are bewildered and conquered by his platitudes. The mighty brain of the Sieur de Mountflummerie has yielded to the spell. See where Milord Grey hurls his verbosity at tho assembled multitude. The welkin rings with their frantic cheers. | Ho is denouncing tho tyrant. He is deI claring that tho art of true government is to

manipulate loans: that a patriot never descends into detail. He is culling _ choice morsels of oppression from the hoariest antiguity. He thunders against a nominated governor, the plural vote, taxation in general, accumulation of wealth, importation of capital. The members of le Clob de Beformistes Astooies hurl their caps in the air. The Sieur de Kawau ceases. Silence falls on the assembled throng. A rumbling as of a coming earthquake. It is G-uillaume de Mountflummerie who is speaking. " A bas le tyran! A bas le Governor! A baa le plural vote ! A bas everybody!" "How about the Akaroa election, old horse ?" cries a voice from the crowd. The blood forsook the cheek of Guilliame de Mountflummerie. Hia knightly knees knocked together. Seizing a dictionary of quotations, he turned rapidly to the letter T. Tempora mutantur nos mutatnitr in illis, he exclaimed, and, staggering to his spotted horse, he vaulted into the saddle and vanished. A sub-committee of le Clob de Reformistes Associes was instantly formed. After some hours they imparted to the appalled multitude the following as the meaning of the mystic words used by the Sieur de Mountflummerie : "Different birds require different salt for their tails." ACCIDENTALLY OVERHEARD. From the "Atlantic Monthly." (Continued.) ' But they will evade it; they will all go into the halls or on the staircase. Some of the girls always sit on the stairs. And then they will say that they can talk in the supper room.' ' Oh, we must not draw the rule so that a coach and four can drive through it. How will this do ? '3. This restriction does not apply to the dressing-rooms, where free speech will he allowed.' 'That seems to shut the door,' said Miss Lester, looking at it critically. 'George, I hope they won't go wild, and go home !' ' Oh, never fear. You will have dancing of course ?' 'To be sure. You restore my courage. We are like two conspirators. I was Lady Macbeth at first, and I am like her now when the deed was done.' ' Excuse me, Anna ; don't wrench me into Macbeth, if you please. Shall 1 write the invitations V ' Do. Here Is the list, and I will help you. You may write to all the ladies, including Misa Cameron, and I will write to the gentlemen.' 'lncluding Mr Jenness.' 'Nonsense. You never saw Mr Jenness.' ' Put that indignant tone into your face on Thursday evening, Anna. Nobody will mistake it,' ' George Barrow ? I shall have to begin a course ol flattery on you again.' Chapter 11. The days between the issuing of the invitation and Thursday evening were pretty fully occupied by Miss Lester in receiving her puzzled friends, and explaining to them with tiresome iteration the details of her scheme. She thought that her form of invitation and accompanying code of restrictions were comprehensive enough, bnt found it necessary to answer very elementary questions, and to state definitely what was not, as well as what was, expected. The ingenuity of her guests in discovering difficulties amazed her. As she put it briefly to her cousin, George Barrow, the way of reformers is hard. Miss Cameron was one of the few who did not call, and this was set down to her credit. She, as Mies Lester said pointedly to Barrow, could see through a ladder. Nevertheless, in spite of the difficulties which every one found, every one accepted. It was to be like a masquerade, they declared to one another, and in the dressing-room there were affecting leave takings before the perils of the drawing-room were essayed. ' Good-bye, Clara,' said one, ' I shall miss that pretty lisp of yours. It is impossible to lisp in pantomime.' ' At least,' was the retort, ' we are not forbidden to laugh, and I shall know your charming little oaokle. It will have a positively brilliant effect in the general stillness, '

* I do not believe it will be still at all,' said a third. ' I shall make my one question so long and parenthetical that it will last until snpper time, and my answer will last all the rest of the evening. It was evident that there was a latent spirit of mutiny present, and that there were some who were mischievously bent on evading the restrictions by some ingenious device or other.

• We can vary the entertainment by Dumb Crambo,' suggested one ; ' only the guessers will have to act their guesses, and the players will have to guess the guesses.' The gentlemen from their dressing-room flung winged words across the entry, as their last opportunity for Christian intercourse ; but once they Btepped over the threshold and began their descent, a giggling silence possessed the company, each faintly expressing his or her sentiments by feebly conceived pintomime. It was plain that the noble art of expression had suffered by too free a use of the tongue. It was amusing, too, to see the distraction that prevailed, since each was, as it were, trying to oversee his neighbour, overhearing being impossible. The novelty of the experiment made some lose their self-possession, but it had the curious effect upon the mora bashful and reticent of loosening their powers of expression. Indeed it was not long before the scene became exceedingly animated. As very few were found to shine in this form of conversion, a general confidence returned, and the fun of the thing removed embarrasment. Burets of laughter and checked exclamations were heard on all sides. Mies Lester was regarded as a sort of umpire, and was frequently appealed to to know if this or that half-articulate expression was justifiable. Amongst the company was a professor in a deaf-mute college, who had been invited somewhat as a professional musician who h»B to be coaxed into entertaining the company, and Miss Lester plied her arts to draw out this gentleman. He was amused and slightly scornful at the infantile attempts in an art which he was accnstomed to see exercised with grace and fluency. It was not very hard to persuade him to tell the story of Joseph and his Brethren to an admiring circle, who had been privately and separately notified what the story was to be, and who were thus able to follow the text, with only snch difficulty as their defective memories supplied There was more frolic in the pantomime than in slow process of correspondence, but the ladies all came prepared with materials for conversation.

Miss Lester's wishes were easily gratified. The instinctive taste of her guests had furnished them with the prettiest and moat engaging little tablets and slates, which often foimed unique and picturesque additions to drees. Nor was it long before the incompleteness of the pantomime and the repression of many witty and effective sentiments which required written speech for expression led to a general use of writing materials. Groups began to form, chiefly by twos, and the room had almost the appearance of containing a class in drawing or writing. Some of the more conscientious, upon abandoning acted speech, felt it incumbent upon them to make the transition to written words through picture writing, and a rapid system of hieroglyphs was developed. Once in a while, two persons in despair of making themselves understood, and choked with their inarticulate thoughts, would fly from the drawing-room and fire their sentences across to one another from the sanctuaries of the dressing-rooms. For it was noticeable that during the earlier parts of the evening no one ventured to Bpeak aloud.

Even the young lady who threatened to project her one question into supper time lost either the dofire or the courage._ In fact, each one, being limited to a single question, was loth to throw away the precious privilege too cheaply, and in the general stillness there was an alarming dilemma for any one who should speak. Either the question asked must ba significant, in consideration of its unique value, when it became every one's property, or it must be indifferent, because it was to be common property, when it would thereby be worthless to the questioner. At any rate, far one reason or another, almost every one was disposed to hoard the opportunity of speech ; and the longer it was hoarded the moro necessary did it become that it should bo worth its price. Only now

and then did some impatient person, in despair of satisfactorily answering on elate or paper, indulge in a long rambling answer, reluctant to bring it to a close, and laughingly interweaviog all possible facts and sentiments that could legitimately be construed as belonging to the answer. Traps were set by ingenious conversationists to make it impossible for their adver- ' saries to answer except by word of mouth, a:'d these independent isolated sentences shot into the geneial ear—for it seemed as if whispers were loud—sometimes covered unfortunate Bpeeeh-maker with confusion. Mr George Barrow was an amused spectator much of the time. He did not know many of the guests, and was frequently by the side of his consin, ready to perform any little service she might desire Yet he was not so preocoupied that his eyes failed to follow Miss Cameron's movements, which Miss Lester, with her usual penetration, was quick to discover. ' You will confuse Miss Cameron,' she suddenly wroto on her tablet, ' She will think she is awkward.' ' Heaven forbid !' exclaimed Mr Barrow with his eyebrows.

'Then come with me,' motioned Miss Lester ; and she took his arm to cross the room, The matter of introduction wbb one which she had gaily performed many times in the eveninst when it was entirely unnecessary, simply because it was so graceful and intelligib'e a piece of pantomime. She had used it as a psntomime. She had used it as a device for breaking np sets and bringing together people who she felt sure wou'd play at each other skilfully, and secret'y enjoyed the use of a weapon which she could scarcely have used so freely had she been at liberty to speak. To offer to be escorted whither the escort did not know enabled her to form new combination s which were apt to be surprises to two people at least; and it was somewhat like a psme for her, as she moved her pieces from one place to another on the board. Barrow of coursa was not unprepared, as his companion guided him to where Miss Cameron eat talking with the professor in the deaf-mute manual, which displayed gracefully her nimble fingers. The Heedlessness of speech was for the moment agreeable to him, as Miss Lester disengaged the two who were talking, and presented Mr Barrow to Mi«s Cameron as if he were a figure in a wax-work show. The lady who received him shot a glance at Miss Lester, as if she saw something significant in her gesture of introduction, and then turned end asked him with her fingers—- ' Do you speak deaf-mute, Mr Barrow V Barrow, who did not know the manual, made a happy guess at the question, and answered—the one answer he was to be allowed in the evening—- ' No, I do not speak deaf-mute.'

Miss Cameron laughed, and had recourse at once to her slate.

' Why do you waste your one answer on seven words?' she wrote.

' Oh, it is off my mind now, and I can. resign myself to utter silence.' ' You can ask a question.' ' Yes; but I cannot think of one important enough to ask the whole company.' ' For my part,' wrote Miss Cameron, 'if I were confined to writing, I shonld learn shorthand ; for I think conversation would degenerate into epigrams if we had to write out everything we said. I feel as if I were charged so much a word over ten words. You sit there and look at me as I write this, and I know you are wondering what wise thing Miss H. C. is writing.' ' Your slate is nearly full," rejoined Barrow. ' Let us use my block. This gives us the advantage of both talking together. While you are answering the question I now write, I can be writing something else.' She accepted one of the layers of paper from his block, but looking up described an interrogation mark with her foiefinger. 'Oh, I forgot,' wrote Barrow. ' I meant to ask a personal question, and here Is where writing comes in to help a timid man. You wrote H. O. just now. I know what C. Is, bnt I should have written E. C.—not of course N. C. Now, pray, how do you spell it with an H ? '

' Thiß is not conversation,' she wrote back, as she saw him. continuing to write after he had handed her a slip. ' You must listen to me while I am talking, or we shall get very much confused. Can yon not spell my name with a rough breathing? Yon see I have just began to study Qreek, a-.d am airing my learning.' While Miss Cameron was writing this, Barrow was scribbling upon his paper—- ' I think Anna Lester is mistaken if she fancies she can cure us of frivolity by setting us to writing. I have myself written mora foolish things this evening than I have nttered daring the past forty-eight hoars. It is extraordinary what rude things I am capable of writing—things I should blush to say aloud. For instance I accidentally over* heard'——

lb be continued.)