JUST GETTING UP HIS LAW.

Globe, Volume XXII, Issue 1900, 27 March 1880, Page 3

JUST GETTING UP HIS LAW.

A man with an unshaven face and a meditative air climbed to the bar of the Jefferson market police conrt yesterday, and said to his Honor—' Look a here, I've got a something on my mind that's botherin' me a heap, and I dropped in thinkin' as how you might help me out of it.' ' All right. liet's hear it,' said the Court, good naturedly. ' Suppoßin' I was a feller that cracked banks and broke open tills and knocked people on the head for their money—a regular out and out bad un, you know.' The Court in surprise surveyed the speaker from head to foot. ' Oh, you need't size me up,' the man interrupted ; ' a white linen tie may do service where a hemp bandage oughter be, and a striped ulster may kiver a multitood o' sins. There's no tellin'. So supposing' I was a bad egg; of extra quality, and a-puttin' up a job to clean out a rich ole file's house when I sees his darter and falls in love with her away up to the top of my hatband. Well, the gal kinder takes to me, and I'm a figgerin' on reformin' and and winning' her and getting' the ole man's tin. D'you you see ?' ' Quite claarly,' said his Honor; 'A very laudable purpose.' ' You bet,' the narrator complacently observed, ' But there's a hitch to my happiness,'he went on, ' for I finds out that the gal hankers after a luntum young feller with a four-in-hand which his father has given him when he went inter bankruptcy for the fifth time, and the treacherous female is a going to give me the go-by. See ?' The Court nodded affirmatively. ' I ain't done nothin* agin the lor so far, eh ?' ' No, there is nothing that you have mentioned that could be legally construed into a misdemeanor.' The man seemed quite relieved,' But I'm bound to get square with that team,' he continued, 'so one dark night I brings my pals around, and we climb up the fire escape and lays at the parlor winder when the young feller come a lovin', and when he and the gal is together I bounces inter the room and gives it to h ; m right and left with a ten-inoh bowie knife, and we takes all the jools we kin get hold of, and we set the house afire, and I carries off the gal.' ' What do you mean ?' cried his Honor, quite horror-stricken. *Be oareful what you say, or—' 'Oh, don't worry,' interrupted the other, naively. ' I don't play a card without lookin' at my hand. What I want to know is what all them offences is worth. Let's figger. How much for takin' the joola ?' 'Five years at the least.' The man pondered for,a moment. ' And the gal ? ' he then asked. ' A Btill heavier penalty.' More profound reflection. 'And a-settin' the house on fire ? ' ' Imprisonment for life.' 'And a-knifin' the young feller.' 1 Hanging you fool. Are you a lunatio to come hero to tell me that ? Do you seriously mean to denounce yourself ?' ' Denounce ! Ha, ha ! Why, Judge, you're clean off the track. I was only Buppoain' all that. You You see, I've been on the road with a theatrical combination, and I'm a thinkin' o' startin' in business meself and gettin' up a dramar. See! But I'm a werry particular man, and though the piece is a goin' to be red-hot, blue-fire and blszss sensation, I want lots o' facts bolster it up. I must have the lor in the play dead straight, so I jest dropped in to have a talk with you about it. Now, suppoflin' —' But his Honor interrupted- * My nerves can stand a pretty stiff strain,' he said, ' but if you put yourself into any more such violent, hypothetical positions I'm afraid the illusion will be so perfect that I'll have to look you up anyway. So get out while you've time.' The meditative man looked at him reproachfully, but grabbed his hat and acted on the suggestion all the same.—" New York Herald."