LONDON TOWN TALK.

Globe, Volume XXII, Issue 1897, 23 March 1880, Page 4

LONDON TOWN TALK.

[From the “ Argus ” Correspondent.]

I think it is in Henry Kingsley’s “ Geoffrey Hamlyn ” that it is proposed to settle £SOO a year upon an habitual drunkard, that under pretence of making him comfortable ho may he supplied with the quickest means of taking himself off this planet; and this suggestion of the novelist’s (as more often happens than is generally known) has been evidently acted upon by Mr Paine in reference to that one of the three or four ladies whom he permitted to bear his name, and whom ho kept exclusively on alcoholic drinks. It is a very curious case, and will be watched with great interest. Of course he may be shown to have poured brandy [down her throat, invito, Minerva—aon.trary to the poor woman’s wishes— but if he has stopped short of that, and only fostered a vice, his guilt would seem to bo one in morals only. I know an old lady of fashion who had a gambling son, to whom she was wont to say when he gave signs of being bored in domestic life, 11 Why don’t you go and take a rattle at the bones, Charley ?” whereby she meant to suggest that he should try his luck at the hazard table. But one could never have hung her for that, though one disapproved of her conduct. Under any circumstances, however, Mr Paine seems to have been, “ for a white man,” the very vilest cu’s. It used to bo the boast of our fine old Tories in ante Reform Bill times that though the scheme of representation might be unequal, or even unjust, “the system worked well,” and indeed the same argument has been nsed in favour of any number of abuses. It can certainly not bo applied however to the plan of gagging special correspondents in the field, and substituting telegrams doctored by the military authorities in place of accounts which, though perhaps “picturesque,” accurately describe the state of affairs. Eor the first time within my memory the English public feel they have been deceived by their own Government as respects our troops in Afghanistan. It is not only that they get too scanty information, but that what they do get is not trustworthy. There could be no shadow of pretence that anything that could bo told by a newspaper correspondent in the present war could be revealed to the advantage of the enemy, and to give General Roberts the exclusive privilege of describing hia own proceedings is like permitting an author to write the review of his own works. He may have an honest desire to be fair, but every author —though to be sura a theological one is called “ divine”—is after all but human; and would certainly refer to his beauties rather than to his defects.

The Tiohborne claimant since his imprisonment has greatly improved in literary composition, though he has scarcely arrived even yet at the very moderate degree of excellence at which, as a baronet of the United Kingdom, he may be supposed to have started. He expresses great indignation against the Government at being denied a Roman Catholic edition of the Bible to read “in his cold and lonely cell,” and declares even should his “writ of error ” succeed and he be elected (by another writ of error) member for Nottingham, he will never disgrace his conscience by sitting in an assembly with those who have robbed him of his estates.” Nothing, he says, now remains for him, but to emigrate to a juater land ; “ his spirits falter in the mist and languish for the purple seas,” but he does not express himself quite so poetically. These are his simple words: “ One thing alone remains for me, and that is to emigrate to see a nation where justice exists.” One has heard of “seeing's” believing, but that seeing’s also residing is new to me. Among delicate positions, that of being conductor to a troupe of savages must hold a leading place. One Mr Colley, who has been exhibiting five friendly Zulus for nine weeks in liondon, has been obliged to part with them to a more enterprising manager; they have cost him £3OO already, he says, in spite of their great public attraction, and he ■“ will have nothing more to do with them even for a day.” In Paris two of them took to drink, and “getting out” smashed a very valuable mirror. They were not allowed to get out, it seems, lest they should bo seen for nothing, bn were taken about in closed carriages. After the customs of the bush this must have been rather irksome to them. The whole case has been brought before a magistrate, but though one of the Zulus (Nomangrave in his own country, Squash in ours) offered to be sworn as interpreter, ho could not be accepted, since all that could be extracted from him as the profession of his religious faith, was the single word Manilla. It was not even Havannah !

A public servant has left us of half a century’s standing, who has perhaps been as much talked about in his time as most Cabinet Ministers. He was more popular ■with the public, however, than with those with whom he was brought into immediate connection: and though he may have made mistakes in his time, it could never be said of him that if you gave him rope enough ho would hang himself. His name was John Oalcraft, and his office that of Jack Ketch. His first duty, which gives one a strange sense of his antiquity, was to rid the world of Bishop and Williams, who murdered the Italian boy in Bethnal green, and aroused apublic indignation only second to that caused by Burke and Hare in Edinburgh. He was by trade a shoemaker, retired in his habits, and very unwilling to discourse on bis experiences ; but I see that his last hours with eminent persons are about to be published, as those of Sanson, the Paris executioner, have been* The last development of servantgalism is much more extraordinary, and it must be added much more unpleasant, than anything that has preceded it. One girl has pushed her master’s child into the river; another has held it to roast before the kitchen fire ; a third put phosphorus into the family soap; and a fourth has set fire to the house in which she lived —all within a week. In the second and worst instance the young lady had no excuse for her extraordinary conduct, except that she wished to leave her place ; a plea which reminds one of Charles Lamb’s account of the discovery of roost pork among the Chinese ; but in the other three cases the explanation waa that they “ could not got on with their mistresses.” Even this, though I dare say they were “ aggravated,” seems a little strong measures ; but the fact is there is no class by whom the school board is so much wanted as that of our servant girls. The national constitution must certainly be very strong if the last annual report of the amount spent on patent medicines is to bo relied on ; the duty paid on stamps was no less than £132,000, and as it is never more than three halfpence in each case, it follows that a million pounds’ worth of pills and other decoctions have been bought, and presumably swallowed. At tbe same time I have heard it stated by an eminent physician, though there is nothing of course miraculous in patent medicines, they are as a rule made from really good prescriptions, which have been found efficacious. We are fond of complaining of our English climate, but the cold of late in Paris has been mnch keener than that of London; and it must be remembered that the Parisians have no appliances for avoiding cold. They have no carpets, and the comforts of an open grate are unknown to them. Moreover, I see the price of coals last week in Paris was 48s a ton. The Parisians have shown a prudence which reminds one of their former connexion with Scotland with respect to their national palace the Elyseo; the door handles and knobs of it still bear the Imperial eagle and cipher, the cost of removal and substitution having been estimated at no less than £3200. Their knowledge of English life, on the other hand, does not improve. One of their newspapers gravely informs us this week “ that M. Homerole has expressed his indignation at the arrests in Ireland. The same M. Homerule has also assured the prisoners of the eympathy of the Irish residents in England.” There is a pleasant rumour circulating amongst the peasants in Russia that the good Czar has issued a ukase, a la Mr Parnell, that they are to have the estates of tbe landowners divided among them. Those on the lands of Count Schonvaloff, perceiving that no steps are being taken towards this desirable end, have seized bis castle and sacked it. The difference between the Nihilists and a certain class of “ the finest pisantry in the world ” appears to be nil. This is bard on the Count, but even greater personages than he are just now getting into difficulties. I perceive with horror that the widow of the late Landgrave of Heseo Philipstal has been declared a bankrupt. I don’t know the least whore Philipstal ia, but the female of a Landgrave ia a Landgravine, a very fine bird indeed, and one I should have thought which soared in regions altogether out of shot of tho bankruptcy laws. Can a king—l only ask for information—be made a ankrupt ? It is interesting, by tho by, to hear that Cetewayo has expressed a desire to be taught to read and write. His aspirations, indeed, are higher than those of the gallant member

of the school board for Chelsea, for he is even learning to spell. An officer in the army has undertaken to teach him. If the indignant correspondence of Paterfamilias is to be believed, we must hope that officer did not receive his rudiments at Eton. During the last twelve months the Emperor of Germany has been “ potted at ” twice, the King of Italy once, the King of Spain once, and the Czar of Russia twice. The last-named potentate, I observe, has had a letter left on his dressing table warning him that his time had come. “At the same time,” says the writer (in the name of the revolutionary committee), “ we have really no personal animosity to you. It is merely a question of principle,” which, as Mr Pecksniff says, “ must be very soothing.” Dr. Richardson’s position, with a cellar of wine he doesn’t drink and has conscientious scruples (which I should share) about giving it away, is very peculiar. Of one thing I am certain, that if ho does anything fanatical with it —when it could at least be sold for much and given (in other forms) to the poor—such as smashing the bottles, or pouring their contents into the Thames, he will be doing a vital injury to the teetotal cause. No one doubts the genuineness of his convictions, so that there is no occasion for such wanton waste, while such dog-in-the-manger conduct would be resented not only by all lovers of good wine, but by all advocates of common sense. There is an idea already prevalent that the extreme apostles of temperance do not require any alcoholic stimulants to put them off their heads ; and any rash or wasteful act on the doctor’s part—however well-intentioned — would .corroborate and extend this view of their intellectual position exceedingly. His best way would be to sell the wine, and found a college with the proceeds for the advancement of his principles. If there is anything in them, the public benefit would then be surely greater than any private hurt which the wines might do to those who bought them, and who would buy other wines if they did not. I remark by the way, that water is not always harmless (quite independently of its poiaoning folks by hundreds by means of typhoid particles). A good lady who was in the habit of using a foot-bottle of stone at night, put it into the oven last week, when it exploded and killed her. Supposing she had taken a glass of hot negus before retiring to her couch, and warmed herself from the inside instead, that accident would not have occurred.