MISCELLANEOUS.

Globe, Volume XXI, Issue 1805, 4 December 1879, Page 4

MISCELLANEOUS.

No Smoking Here.—‘'You can’t smoke in here,” said a John street conductor to a countryman, who was puffing away vigorously at a five-cent cigar in a car half full of ladies. The man didn’t seem to hear, “ I say,” cried the man of the bell-punch, in a louder key, “ if you want to smoke come out here on the platform.” "All right,” rejoined the passenger, aud stepped out, “Didn’t think it would hurt nothing," he said, apologetically; “stein 's there ain’t any straw in the err to cotch lire.” “ But there are ladies there,” “ Oh, yes ; didn’t think nothin’ ’bout that. Might get ashes on their gowns and spile ’em,” “It isn’t so much that,” explained the conductor, “ but ladies object to smoke.” “ Well, I didn’t ask any of ’em to smoke, did 1 1 They needn’t to object before they arc invited.” “ You don’t understand. Smoking is disagreeable to ladies.” “ Best reason in the world why they shouldn’t practise it. Catch me smokin’ if it was disagreeable to me 1 ” And he tranquilly puffed away at his five center. Little Johnny’s Piece about the Opossum. —lf there is anything in names, this animil comes from Ireland, but them thats here calls themaelfs jess ’Possums, like they was natif born. ’Possum has a sharp nose, and a long bald-headed tale, which is always cold, never mind the wether. Its j-a like their tales was ded, and no money for the funeral performances. The ole she ones has got a tobacco pouch on the outside of their elummuckses, and when the little ones is afraid, they smuggle in, don’t care a copper wot becomes of their old mother which is outside. When a dog find a ’possum, aud it can’t get to a tree, it lies down aud pretends lik it was dead. One time theie was a dog which dident kno 'possums, found one a lying like ded, and after-rolling it over a wile and smellin it, tho dog twinkled his ear as much to say, “ Mity good job for yon ole fellow, that you was dead fore I cum along.” And then the dog he lay down and went to sleep. Wen the ’possum see the dog asleep it stood up on its feet to go a way, but just then the dog woke up. Seek a friten possum you never see, and sech a friten dog you never see too, but the dog most. It got up, the dog did, and made for home, yelling like its heart was brok, and tore it got home it had changed with scare from a black Nufoundlingpup to a ole bull dog, white like Gaffer Peterses hed !

The first atone of the Cologne Cathedral was laid on August 15th, 1248. The 63Iat year of its building was completed on the 15th of last August, and it is hoped that tho next anniverwill really sco tho finishing of the great minster.

The friendship of two women, says Alphonse Karr, is never anything but a plot againat a third. The same moralist bids us not to form an image of woman after ihe descriptions and fancies of novelists and poets, but to draw up a catalogue of all the evil that your wife can do you. _ She can ruin you, disgrace you, calumniate you, poison"you, &o, Instances of these various proceedings aro not rare, and you have only to choose. Then you may rejoice and congratulate yourself on having escaped from one or more of the evils on your list, and be grateful to the companion of your life for her abstention.

Latest “ World ” Fable A loquacious barber being desirous of replenishing his Stock of Bear’s grease, and knowing a Bank wherein a wild Bear slept, armed himself with his Razor and proceeded noiselessly on tiptoe to the Spot. He was just about to take the Bear by the Nose and Cut his Throat, when his Professional Instinct impelled him to ask his intended Victim if he would not have a Bottle of Michepherous, to prevent the falling out of his hair. Thus apprised of his danger, the Ferocious Plantigrade had no difficulty in killing the Loquacious Barber. Mora!—Go Thou and Do Likewise.

A paper in the neighbourhood of Eochester advertises a church pew for sale, “commanding a beautiful view of nearly the whole congregation,’’ Italy send her noblemen over hereto grind organs, but then we send out young singers over there to study, so there is no necessity for any interruption of diplomatic relations —“ Boston Post.”

Beside a straw stack sat a trump—a jolly tramp, and wise—who, while he patched his tattered coat, did thus sililoquise—“ It seems so s d that my lone life doth ever downward teed, and rags me into wretchedness ; but still I’m on the mend. And when I needle little cash, I make no loud laments, but by a straw stack sit me down, and gather in my rents.” It has been noticed by a Philadelphia youth that the wide belts now worn by fashionable females are just the width of a gentleman’s coat sleeve.

A Business Room Business must bo looking up in Han Antonio, Tex, The other day a Mr Yeates came in town with twentytwo sacks of wool, and the “ Herald ” of the following day contained the following spon taneous outburst :—“ Wool is wealth, the ram’s horn is the cornucopia, the 1 ba-ah-ah-ah ’ of the sheep is the trumpit of prosperity and the track of the wide-tired wheels of the ox cart across our plazas is a sign of hops as truly ns is the prismatic rainbow arching in the evening sky.” Some Facts about London.—London is spread over about 7000 square miles. There in one death there every six minutes, and one birth every four. Tho growth of tho population is at the rate of 75,000 a year, or 205 each day. The total length of streets in London is about 7000 miles ; there are built every year about 0000 new houses, by which the length of the streets is increased by 28 miles. In the gaols there are an average of 75,000 prisoners. The foreign-born residents of London number about 105,000 ; but 37 per cent, of the whole population were born out of tho city.

A Cincinnati newspaper, of scientific tendencies, thinks that when Professor Tyndall was married the other day, the Dean of Westminster, who officiated, missed his opportunity. The way in which, under ti e circumstances, the Dean should have put the familiar query is! —"Do you take tbs anthropoid to be your co-ordinate, to love with your nerve centres, to cherish with your whole cellular tissue, until a final molecular disturbance shall resolve its organism into its primitive atoms?’’ Had the point been put in this way it would have made it more clear to the Professor, the ourual seems to presume.