AN INGENIOUS PARENT.

Globe, Volume XXI, Issue 1796, 22 November 1879, Page 3

AN INGENIOUS PARENT.

f “ Chicago Tribune.”] A yonng man who had long and dearly loved a beautiful girl on Warren Avenue, besought of her recently to name the happy day, which she did with auch fond, reluctant, amorous delay that it would hardly have been thought that she had made up her mind when the date was to be mote than I two months before, so soon as she saw that he really meant bis. They accordingly waited upon the author of her being, and, going down on their knees, acquainted him with the lay of the land, and besought of him his blessing. He was a practical and economical old man, with a mind fertile of resources, and when the young man had stammered that he loved her dearer than his life, and had a salary of 1800 dois.J and that he hoped the old man caught up his trusty Toledo (O.) walking stick, and, calling his prospective son in-law a moon-eyed candidate for the Presidency, and a diddlebinged unvindictive monometallist, drove him out of the house ; then seizing his daughter by her tiny shell-lac ear he awayed with her to the deepest bedroom beneath the attic-roof, and looked her in there. What is the consequence ? That very night the young man came with a rope-ladder, an ample cloak, and a double-barrelled marriagelicense, and stole his bride away, and they were made one at a West Side church. The young wife then said to her husband, “Algernon, my father behaved to you as mean as all get-out; still, be was my mother’s husband, and we ought to have some deference for him, so let us go to him and tell him we are wedded, and ask the blessing. Besides, 1 want to get my brush and comb bag that I left on the bureau.” “ Well, I’ll go,” said the young husband ; “ but, mind you, Matilda, if he lays a hand on me save in the way of kindness, I’ll knock his two eyes into one. I suffered his previous indignities because he was the hoary-headed author of your being, but now he is only my bald-headed old father-in-law, and I won’t stand it, if he is three times as old as I am.” Accordingly they went home, and when they got there, and were excitedly feeling for the bell pull, the old man opened the door, and said, “ Come in, come in—how’s the blushing bride, eh?” Bless you, my children. Now, by the time we have partaken of a bottle of champagne which is in the ice-box, the hack will be here to convey you down to*n, or to any railway depot you may be olensed to indicate.

They followed the old man into the parlor like people in a dream. “ I was afraid once,” he said cheerfully, “ when I saw Matilda coming down that ladder, that the dura thing would break—for she’s full sixteen ounces to the pound, Matilda is—and drive all my new rosebushes and tulips into the ground. Why on earth didn’t yon, when you were compelled to flee from my wrath, elope out of the front door, like Christians 7 I left Matilda’s dungeoncell unlocked, and I left the front door ajar, and I went to the foot of the stairs and snored at the top of my voice so as to give you every facility. “Do you mean to say, venerable and respected sir,’’ said his new made son-in-law, “that you have and have had no objections to my paying my addresses to your fair daughter 7 ” “Never the least in the world,” replied old man, beaming blandly on them ; “ you are the son-in-law 1 should have picked out of millions, if I had been permitted to choose, and even had I not been satisfied of your worth and sobriety I could not have it in my heart to refuse to do what Matilda desired me to do.” “ Then, sir,” exclaimed the young husband, thinking that perhaps he had married into a family having the hereditary taint of insanity in the blood ; "then, sir, what did you give me grand bounce for in such an energetic and inconsistent manner 7 ” “ Because, my dear boy,” said the good old man, "I saw that if I did you would instan taneously take out a license and elope with the girl, and get married at an expense of 6 dol. 50 cents borne exclusively by you, whereas if the marriage took place in the ordinary course of events 1 should have been stuck for a trousseau, and dresses, and flowers, and a “ d; jenner,” and presents, and so on, to the extent of at least 2,500 dols.”