THE LOAFER IN THE STREET.

Globe, Volume XXI, Issue 1768, 20 October 1879, Page 3

THE LOAFER IN THE STREET.

I wish to commence my communication this time with a little personal statement — perhaps I had better say an apology. I mean with regard to the obstruction in Cashel street the other day. It was not really my fault, neither was it to be entirelylaid to mycharge that the Fbesb box at the Post-office was not largo enough on the occasion under notice to hold the number of letters addressed to the Editor. Tho circumstances of the case are briefly these. The sub-editor _of your admirable journal having occasion to go up town for a few minutes loft me in charge. He had hardly left the room before an agreeable looking man entered with a letter which he called an Express, and there was a shilling to part for bringing it from the station. Such was his remark. This was not quite in my bargain, but as no one in the establishment had that amount, I said I’d be answerable for the bullion, and ho left. The “ Express ” contained the following paragraph, which duly appeared next issue : “ A Loafer.—At the Ashburton Court yesterday, a man named Smith was cent to gaol for six months for being a rogue and a vagabond.”

I solemnly assure you I had no conception what the results would be. Next morning, on passing your shop, the street was blocked. Business was temporarily suspended. There were probably 800 of the clan Smith come to call on tho editor with a request that he would state in his next issue that they were not the Smith localised. There were young Smiths and old Smiths, Smiths male and Smiths female, swell Smiths and seedy Smiths, raging ramping Smiths and sad secluded looking Smiths, expostulating Smiths, and, I am sorry to say, swearing Smiths. When I came in to see the Editor his roomy sanctum was one mass of Smith correspondence. During the few minutes I stayed tho Editor had opened ninety-four letters from representatives of tho Smith family knocking off their subscriptions, and two stalwart Smiths and a Smith pug dog were waiting for him in the passage. And all this is laid to my shoulders. I claim that it is clearly the fault of your Ashburton correspondent who ought, as every journalist should on such occasions, to have distinctly stated what Smith had been committed. The whole circumstance is a most painful one, especially perhaps to the loafing Smith, who got sent to prison. For my own part, it makes me feel ill now whenever I see the name ; but what hurts me more than all is the fact that there are millions of readers who will never know that the 900 Smiths’ who called around to put themselves straight were not the Ashburton loafer. In fact, to this day I don’t know which Sm—; but to harrow up this tragedy any more is useless, A few days since a horseman might have been—in fact was—observed driving three foaming steeds in front of him down a road in the vicinity of the romantic suburb of Addington. He was bound for the Pound. It was early morn, but the cavalcade had evidently travelled fast if not far. The three noble equine quadrupeds were not driving over kindly, and after a series of tacks across the road were accidentally headed by an innocent looking and thoughtful boy who was around into a paddock, the gate of which stood conveniently open. “ Good boy,” exclaimed the horseman as tho youngster shut the gate. “ Let ’em stop in there for a few minutes while my horse gets a blow, and then you can give me a hand to take ’em to the Pound.” “I think not,” responded the obliging youth “ you see this is our paddock, and those are our horses.” And then the horseman thought of a few expressions ho had heard many years ago, and rode home quoting them variously and correctly to himself. . Your Sydney telegraphic agent is evidently a man of intensely practical ideas. He does not go to unnecessary expense by wiring the splendour of the New Zealand court or indeed any other. By the way it is very amusing in perusing Australian files to notice how the “ own correspondents” of each paper in each colony declare that the exhibits generally are very backward, but that the colony to which the journal belongs that they represent is certainly in the most advanced state. Your telegraphic artist is above such games. This is how the entertainment strikes him. “The Exhibition is an increasing success. The numbers there will make a capital market for New Zealand potatoes.” It’s not a romantic view of tho question, but it’s nice for the farmers. Against the Melbourne Exhibition next year probably every man who owns a quarter-acre section in this country will lay it down in “ spuds.” Already a rise looms up for any man who can grow say a bag and a half. Sir George Grey it seems is likely to hear a few remarks shortly about some of his electioneering cuttings up. George, who has fine bold views on these and many other matters, seems to have gone on “ The good old rule, —Tho simple plan, That they should shout who have the power, And they should drink who can.” George, however, seems to have been, to say the least of it, a little extravagant. One voucher for expenses at Waitara amounted to £BOO. The greater part, it seems, was expended in DEINE. Assuming that the “ greater part” means £6OO, that would be 24,000 spiritual libations (not threepenny beers) poured down the throats of patriots. It would bo a useful addition to our general statistics if even an approximate idea could be obtained as to the numbers present. It would be a really useful guide to politicians to know for future occasions what amount of whiskey is really required to induce people to arrive at a correct conclusion as to what candidates are really best for the country. But it seems a bit expensive. I feel sure lots of Canterbury publicans would have shoved the thing through much cheaper than that. X look at it from a personal point of view. I don’t see why, let us say you, for instance, should be mulcted in extra taxes to shout for George’s friends at Waitara, or anywhere else. I don’t know where Knapdale is, but it has a correspondent who slings ink for the “ Southland Times.” This writer _ gives a most amusing account of a meeting hold in his district recently. It appears that the Knapdalians want a spiritual adviser, and held a public meeting with a view of carrying out so desirable an object. At this gathering one of the speakers, a Mr Wright, said “ that he thought they might secure the services of a Wesleyan clergyman much cheaper than those of a Presbyterian. He considered the Presbyterians looked after the money too keenly. He was sura a Wesleyan would do the work for considerably less money, and do quite as much good.” What the respective merits iu the matter of “ cheapness ” of the two persuasions mentioned by Mr Wright may be, I am unable to say, but I know a number of wealthy and_ respectable Christians of various denominations about this part of the colony who, as well as Mr Wright, like to buy their GospoHn the cheapest market. You wouldn’t think so much, though, to hear them holding forth on the subject. The “ New Zealand Times ” publishes the following letter, which for “ bulls ” will take a lot of rubbing out: —“ Gore, October 3rd, 1879. To the Editor of the “ New Z, aland Times,” Wellington. Dear Sir,—l have been informed that from somewhere about two years to date, I have been advertised for in your paper, and now transmitted to Australia. Should it have been in the paper with which you are connected, would you kindly send me a copy that I may identify myself. —Yours respectfully, Pateick Lyons.” I make Patrick a present of tho advertisement with much pleasure. By the way, I wonder what part of the world Patrick hails from. His front name almost sounds as if he might originally have visited Ireland.

It has been said of the Canterbury people that they do not take sufficient interest in polities, which may or may not bo true, but the Nelson people cannot bo accused of any similar laches. Even the College boys in Nelson are politicians, and very leary ones at that. It appears that Mr Adams, the member for the city, is an old Nelson College Boy. In a letter written recently to him by the collegians, they state that “ they watched with keen interest the late political crisis.” After stating that “Loyal to Nelson’s Interests they are of course opponents of Sir Geo. Grey,” and stating their satisfaction at his defeat, the boys state that under such circumstances they consider they are really entitled to a longer holiday than usual. This the young gentlemen obtained, ns indeed they deserved. In reference to the above X understand that the Canterbury College Boys are thinking of sending a letter of congratulation to Sir Geo. Grey on the diplomacy disnlaved by him in resigning the leadership

stand him any longer, and requesting him to use his influence to get them an extra week’s holiday at Christmas. There is, I hear, some difficulty in drafting this communication, but the committee of the 6th form are now engaged in the task, and there can be but little doubt as to the result of their letter.

From recent West Coast files I learn that a Variety Troupe is at present on circuit there, of which the principal attractions are a performing and euchre playing pig, a talking greyhound, and a performing monkey. The entertainment is, wo are informed, interspersed with songs and dances by Mr and Mrs Fritz. Recollecting, as I do, Mies Rose Evans’ opinion of the taste of Christchurch playgoers, I can scarcely conceive a show more likely to draw money here. I feel sure a great future is in store for Mr and Mrs Fritz, if they will favor us with a visit. A friend of mine who is a firm and consistent patron of the Licensed Victuallers tells mo the following little story. At an hotel not many miles from the centre of the town there dwells a Hebe who has many admirers. Two of these are at present in possession of the running. One volunteered to take her to the theatre, and bet his hated rival a fiver that ho would do so. The young lady expressed her willingness to go, but had no dress fitting for the occasion. Lover No. 1 said ho would of course provide her with one. Lover No. 2 said he would give her a silk dress not to go. Hearing this Lover No. 1 said ho would give the whole stake wagered besides the dross. Lover No. 2 then sprang a point further, and said he would give the dress, the stake, and a bracelet not to go, and now Hebe is waiting for the other fellow to see if there is any further advance. Happy Hebe! Happy gallants !