DICTATING AN ITEM.

Globe, Volume XXI, Issue 1746, 24 September 1879, Page 3

DICTATING AN ITEM.

The following little story teaches caution in the use of pronouns : Mr Tucker came into the editorial room of a local paper, and eliding up to the reporter’s table, he took a seat, and nudged up close and said, “Just take it down now, and I’ll give you a good item. Heady?” “Yes. Go ahead.” “Well, this morning. Mrs Tucker my wife, you know and her daughter Bessie were driving out with the bay mare, named Kitty, along the river road to see her aunt.” “Whose aunt?” “Mrs Tucker’s aunt. To see her aunt. Bessie was driving the mare, and a little after they had passed Stapleton Place she threw one of her shoes.” “Bessie did?” “No, Kitty, the mare. And Bessie said to her mother that she thought she was behaving queerly.” “ Mrs Tucker was ? ” “ The mare ; and she felt so worried that she had half a notion to turn back.” “Are you speaking of the mare or of Bessie?” “I mean of course. But she kept on limping and going kinder uneven until they were down by the gas works, when she laid back her ears and—” “You don’t mean Bessie’s ears ? ” “Certainly not.” “Go on, then. Mrs Tucker laid back her ears.” “The mare’s cars. And just as they got on the bridge over the creek the mare gave a tilt to one side, and as Mrs Tucker screamed, _ she let drive with both of her hind legs against the carriage.” “Are you referring to Mrs Tucker, or to the—” “ Kitty, the mare — and snapped both shafts off short. The next moment, before Mrs Tucker or Bessie could save themselves, she went over the side, turning a complete somersault.” “You are now speaking of the mare?” “Yes, the mare turned a complete somersault into the water. One of the traces remained unbroken, and of course, as Kitty went over, she dragged the carriage after her, and Mrs Tucker and Bessie went floundering into the creek. The marc at once struck out for the shore, and Bessie fortunately had presence of mind enough to grasp her by the tail. She had the blind-staggers, but it had passed

off ” “Not Bessie?” “No—the mare; and as soon as she was being towed past Mrs Tucker, she caught hold of her dress—” “The mare’s dress?” “Bessie’s dress; and it seemed for a minute the mare would bring them safely to land. But Mrs Tucker’s hold on the mare's tail loosened somehow, and—” “You said Bessie held on to the mare’s tail.” “Did I? Well, so it was; ajT,d Mrs Tucker had hold of her dress.” Whose dress?” “Didn’t I say Bessie’s dress ? Well, then, somehow Mrs Tucker’s hold loosened and—” “ Her hold of what ?” “ Her hold of the mare—no, I must be mistaken ; Bessie had hold of the mare’s tail, while the mare was swimming, and the mare had hold of Mrs Tucker’s dr—that is, Mrs Tucker had hold of— Well, anyhow she let go—” “ Mrs Tucker let go ? ” “Oh, I dunno; whoever had hold of the mare let go, and she went to the bottom like a stone.” “If I follow your meaning it was the mare that went to the bottom ? ” “My goodness, man ! Can’t you understand ? It wasn’t the mare. The mare swam ashore.” “ What did you say she went to the bottom for, then?” “I didn’t; it was Bessie.” “ Bessie never said a word about it.” “ You know what I meant. Bessie went to the bottom.” “ And Mrs Tucker swam ashore ? ” “No, she didn’t.” “Very well, then, Mrs Tucker went to the bottom too ? ” “ No, she didn’t either,” “Mrs Tucker flew up in the air, then ? ” “ You think you’re smart, don’t you ? ” “Well, go on and tell your story; we’ll discuss that afterward. What did Bessie say when she got to the bottom?” “I’ve a good miud to wollop you.” “What did she say that for?” “You mud-headed idiot,” said Mr Tucker, “give me any more of your insolence, and I’ll flay you alive. I was going to give you a good item about that mare, and what Mrs Tucker said about her turning somersaults all the way home, but now I’ll see you hanged first.” The reporter got behind the desk, lifted up a chair to ward off a missile, and he said calmly, “ What was Mrs Tucker’s object in turning somersaults all the way home ? ” —“ Kansas City Journal.”