THE LOAFER IN THE STREET.

Globe, Volume XXI, Issue 1721, 26 August 1879, Page 3

THE LOAFER IN THE STREET.

It would appear that Sir George Grey is to honor Christchurch by offering himself as its representative. When he was last here he requested Mr Saunders to make all the necessary arrangements for his stumping Ashburton and Christchurch. In each case Mr Saunders must have been gratified to learn that Sir George expressed himself highly pleased with the arrangements made by the member for Cheviot. Still more must he have felt honored when Sir Geo. left him to part all expenses. What «n old traveller is George! I wonder who he will ask to make his “ necessary arrangements ” this time ? What an ornament he would make to our profession ! Had he not laid his mind to trying to win Now Zealand, he would have made as grand a dweller on the “ off chance ” as any loafer in the world.

It was only last week I had a few words to say on the subject of Lady Domestics. What better support could there be to the remarks I made then than the following advertisements ?

“ Wanted, by a good Cook, a situation. First-class references. Address, &c.” “Wanted, to purchase a good sourd Horae, suitable for the above. Address, &o.** I sincerely hope the lady has got suited by this time, and that the good eound horse carries his fair burden in satisfactory style. A young American lady has been interviewing the poet Longfellow. She writes an.account of her visit to the local paper. (This is a part of the account. After saying that the house at present occupied by the poet was once the residence of Washington.—-“At the back of the reception-room on the left, is the dining-room, and a long corridor, books, pictures, and stationery on each side. At the very end is a window, and the curtain is red, which throws a beautiful light over everything. I told him that was the way they had houses in Europe. Some one was playing when I went in. There was a largo brass knocker on the door, which of course my curious fingers had to try. I suppose Washington had used that same, but so many have used it since, I guess the dirt was_ all worn off when I put mine on. There is a bell now. Prof. Longfellow is smaller than 1 thought him to be from his pictures. His hair and beard are pure white. His moustache is colored a delicate amber just around the mouth; from cigars, I thought. The regret about the dirt on the knocker, and the poetically put allusion to the moustache are as pretty things as I have read Cor some while. Scene —A Billiard Boom. Marker—Did you enjoy the performance at the Foresters’ entertainment last night, sir ? Player—Yes. Were you there ? Marker—Yes. I was performing, sir. Player—l did not see you. What character did you take ? Marker—Oh, sir, I played the principal part in each piece. Player—The principal part j how do you mean ?

Marker—Yos, sir. I was the Prompter, sir.

Though scarcely the place one would select from which to glean funniments, the advertising columns of the daily papers will often afford the constant reader more amusement than would be expected. For instance, the individual who advertised the other day—- “ For Sale House. That new-built gentleman’s residence,” was probably unaware that he was framing anything good. I’m not prepared to say whether in the instance under notice it would read satirically or not, but in many cases it would be so cutting that I have no hesitation in warning advertisers to keep clear of this form of public notice. We have so very many “ newbuilt gentlemen ” here. To the professional reporter, with about six meetings to attend at one time, it is frequently ji relief to find no quorum turn up at the first one he stands in at, but the Alexandra people have a stylo of doing things under such circumstances peculiarly their own. They will do business in some shape or form. At a meeting held there recently for the purpose of electing a trustee for the Road Board, it transpired that they had mistaken the day. “Of course,” says the reporter who describes the affair, “ the meeting had to be adjourned, but as it was absolutely necessary some business must be done, it was proposed, and duly seconded, that the chairman of the Board do shout for those assembled. This was carried unanimously, and the meeting dispersed at the heels of the chairman to the Alexandra Hotel and imbibed accordingly.” It’s a custom we might imitate with advantage down here, particularly at some of these election meetings. It will require a good deep pint, often more, to help us to swallcw some of 'the statements we are likely to hear.

It is only a week or two ago since I came across an article in the “ Queen ” advocating the study of needlework by boys. It would appear that this study is a decided requisite where the hoy intends in after life to become a New Zealand inspector of schools. I learn from a Dunedin contemporary that the inspector there is required to be a judge of needlework, and has to pronounce judgment on the merits of undergarments. The reports of this functionary in this connection will indeed be interesting to read now, though how even an inspectorof schools can be supposed to be posted in the mysteries of hems, tucks, gores, &e., is more than I can imagine. Look here, I had no idea what a delicate subject I had started on when I commenced this paragraph, but you can see —that is any one can —that lots of Inspectors might never be in a position to learn the rudiments of the subject upon which they are called upon to pronounce a critical opinion. I think I had better drop it at this.

A Wellington telegram published in the columns of one of your Northern contemporaries, states that “ a large basket of linen, evidently from the wash, has been found recently at the breastwork, and apparently belonging to the officers of the Emerald. Some suspicion is aroused over the case, as on Tuesday the screams of a woman were heard at the same place, but no sign could be discovered when the constables searched. The washerwoman of the ship cannot bo found.” Unless there is some Pinafore sell connected with the above, or unless the missing lady has bolted with the boatswain, I bet she will turn up in time to collect her Emerald accounts.

Several leading tradesmen of a Northern metropolis are, it appears, discussing the advisability of co-operating together with a view of encouraging cash and monthly payments in lieu of the present long credit system almost universally in force. I like the idea immensely. I like it for one reason as showing how the money market must he improving up north. About here the plan would not answer, particnlarly in many of our townships. If ready money principles were carried out strictly here the local storekeeper and the butcher would have the money of the whole town in their tills before twenty-four hoars, and, unless they lent it back at interest to their clients, business would be at a complete stand-still. No man with any sense would advocate starting ready money trade when no lady has any ready money to trade with. It’s a pretty idea, but chimerical. Talking of ready money someone has got some capital somewhere. I judge so from a statement made to me by a friend of mine from the South. He wanted some money the other day. My friends often do, but different from most of them this fellow has some good tangible security to offer. He found in Dunedin that four different firms had a sum of £BOOO to lend. He did not trade, but discovered it was the same sum of money. He passed through Timaru and Oamaru en route for Christchurch, and ascertained that all the business men in these places had a sum of £BOOO to lend. The same sum. So far as he has got yet he knows of fire business men here who have the £BOOO. They, as well as their confreres down South, are advertising it now and then, but the money is never lent. I can only think that some patriotic individual is advertising this money to show we have gome left in the country still, on the same principle that the starving garrison threw loaves over the walls to gammon the besiegers that they were not short of tucker. There has been another Native meeting at Faribaka. As is usual under such circumstances, they devoured pigs, and eels, and mutton birds. They fed largely. The Maoris are very like English people in one respect. They can do nothing of importance without a heavy feed. You ought to caution your telegraphic correspondent by the way. He will shock some of your rqp-ders if he sends you many more like the beneath “Te Whiti addressed the meeting in the open air for a long time, chiefly on Scriptural subjects. In the evening more important matters were discussed.”

More important indeed ! It reminds one of the old lady who was on board ship in a heavy gale of wind, and on being told by the captain that everything in the power of human beings had been done to save the ship, and that they could then only leave the issue to Providence, tearfully replied, “Oh! don’t say so captain; that’s too dreadful.” I think it was Mr Fletcher of Saltonn who observed that anyone might make a nation’s laws if they would allow him to write its songs. I am reminded of old Fletcher by a perusal of a song kindly lent me by one of your cheerful literary staff, entitled “ My Own New Zealand Home.” It is, according to the statement of Mr Grigg, the author and composer, written “ for the Boys and Girls of the Colony.” In the first verse Mr Grigg says thus—

“ I love my home, my happy home, In fair New Zealand’s Isles ; The Glory of the South where all The face of Nature smiles. Where noble forests crown the hills. And streamlets thread the vales. And mighty ocean circles round. And breathes refreshing galea.”

Not being above a second-rate poet myself, I’m not perhaps a fair judge of verses, but I have my doubts as to whether an ocean air breathes gales. Whether or no, I must protest against the first two lines as altogether too severe a trial to a youthful population with inborn peculiarities as to the letter H. I think though on the whole we might become a great and prosperous nation if we allowed Sir George Grey to make our laws and Mr Grigg to write our songs.