MISCELLANEOUS.

Globe, Volume XXI, Issue 1712, 15 August 1879, Page 4

MISCELLANEOUS.

It is intimated in the Philadelphia " Bulletin " that Talmage will shortly take the part of Samson In a new play, furnishing the necessary jawbone himself. "Prisoner, why did you follow this man and beat and kick him so shamefully ? " "I am sorry, your Honor ; I was a little drunk, and I thought it was my wife." A Kentucky man has a Bible 250 years old, and he thinks it will last him 250 years longer. But what he saves on Bibles don't keep him in pistols.—" Norristown Herald." A Texas chap shot five men and no attention was paid to it, but one day he stole a mule, and in less than an hour the infuriated citizens hanged him. No comedian can make as laughable a face as that made by the small boy when he brings a jelly jar down from the closet shelf and discovers it to be full of tenpenny nails.

There is nothing but a plain slab at the head of the mound, but the simple inscription upon it tells its own sad story : '' He was umpire to a close game."

A gentleman, noticing that his wife's bonnets grew smaller and smaller, and the bills larger and larger, calmly said : "I suppose this thing will go on until the milliner will send nothing but the bill."

Love rules the court, the camp, the grove, and earth below and heaven above, but it never sewed a gray patch in the seat of your huaband'a black trousers. That icn'fcllovo. That's revenge.—"Andrews' Bazaar." There is only one object in the world which will attract a young lady's attention from the handsome young man whom she meets on the street, and that is another woman with a hat two laps ahead of any style she has yet seen. The Detroit "Free Press" says —"There is a new hat waiting for the man who has a boil on his leg and refuses to believe that every person he meets wants to rub against it." "Tell me," exclaims Dr. Mary "Walker, "how would Venus have looked if she had worn corsets ?" Dear Mary, if she hadn't worn anything else she wouW have looked ridiculous. Especially at an evening party. —'' Burlington Hawkeye." On the Way.—" Remember, now," said an Indiana bride at the altar, "we have been separated and re-married four times, and about once more will convince me that we can never live happily together.

A goat browsing on a green sward approached a pig-pen and said to its oocupant —"Why do you stay in that horrid place when there is such a lovely spot as this handy?" "The pen is mighter than the award," granted tho pig.

It is one of these lovely mornings upon which the violets, bediamonded with dewdrops, nod languidly in the redolent paths of the woodland, and the wren skips gayly about, that causes the black-eyed maiden to find pleasure in encasing her snowy arms in an old pair of stockings and going out to dig in the garden. Kkw Reading of an Old Story.—lf a cat doth meet a cat upon a garden wall, and if a cat doth greet a cat, oh, need they both to squall? Every Tommy has his Tabby waiting on the wall, and yet he welcomes her approach always with a yawl. And if a kitten wishes to court upon the garden wall, why don't he sit and sweetly smile, and not stand up and bawl ; lift his precious back up high, and show his teeth and moan, as if 'twere colic more than love that made that fellow groan ?

His Card. —They were playing at cards, when all of a sudden the game was interrupted, angry words passed, and the players rose:—"Look here, you are holding too many aces." " What do you say, sir?" "I say you are a swindler." " I will call yon to account for this unpardonable insult." "I am at your service at any timo." " Here is my card, sir." (Throws down, by mistake, another aoo which he draws from his pooket.)

At the Louvre, in front of the statue of the Venus of Milo, without arms. Little four-year old —" What 'd they cut off her arms for, ma?" Mother—"'Cause she was always putting her fingers in her nose." Four-year-old aolemnly resolves to leave off that unpleasant habit. "Mary Jane," said the father of Fstella Montmorenci de St. Claire, the female Hereula, "Mary Jane is unquestionably one of the most drawing attractions billed with any show. That act where while swinging by the toes she lifts the members of the company in succession with her teeth is a marvel of aesthetic grace and culture." " Yes,' says the mother proudly, "but I fear we mast soon give up our darling child." "Why? I noticed nothing." "Perhaps you have not, but a mother's eye—Mary Jane is in love with Gennariel Gonzales, the cataclysm of California. Any one with half an eye can see that a glance. Every night during her present engagement and at the Saturday matinee I have observed that when she lifts the members of the company with her teeth, she keeps him suspended by the napo of the neck twice as long as any of the others. She does not conceal her preference, and thus strives to be in his company as much as possible. Her heart has spoTken. More Chicken-Counting.—A good many people have not won prizes in the French lottery have had their money's worth out of their tickets in joyful expectation of success ; while others, on the contrary, have made themselves miserable with anxiety and the anticipation of failure. The moat amusing case a writer in the "Sporting and Dramatic News" has heard is that of a very sanguine lady who had quite made up her mind that she wa3 certain to win the diamonds. " The lottery will be drawn next week. Supposing I were to win the diamonds, I should receive them in time to wear at the Blackingtons' ball," she observed to her husband. "My dear," ho replied, "if we win them, we had much better sell them. The money would just buy the Grave Form, and now there's a chance of getting it." "' We'! " his wife exclaimed. "If 'we' win! The ticket is mine, I think, and I should like to keep the diamonds." "What for?" he rejoined. "You have as muoh jewellery as you can possibly want." "And you have quite as much farmland as yon can look after, knowing nothing about farming." "My dear, I baught tho ticket, I believe ? " "I dare say you did, but you gave it to me, and I don't see why I should give up the prize. I think it's very selfish and unkind of you to want it," &c. As nothing has yet been heard of the number which had originated the dispute, the little tiff was based upon a somewhat uncertain foundation.