MISCELLANEOUS.

Globe, Volume XXI, Issue 1699, 31 July 1879, Page 4

MISCELLANEOUS.

Nothing to Do.—The disposition cf fourfiftha of the world is given in this incident in the life of a Naugatuek blacksmith. He was standing at his forge one summer day, when he saw a p»rty of teamsters driving swiftly down the road towards the shop. "Lord a ma33ey !" he grumbled. "Nothing to do, and then evory one cornea on at once." The coming teams dashed by the shop without stoppinr. "Lord a massy!" he grumbled. "Nothing to do, and overybody drives right by."—" Danbury News." An Irish self-taught poet, being asked to flay grace over a small piece of beet and a few potatoes rather of the dwarfed size, pronounced it thus extempore : O Thou that blest the loaves and fishes, Look down upou these two poor dishes ; And though the 'tatoes are but small, Oh, make them enough for all; For if they do onr bellies fill 'Twill be a kind of miracle. Vert Far Gone.—During the honeymoon bride and bridegroom had been sitting and sighing and talking poetry in the balcony for three hours, all cf which time he had both of her hands elapsed in his. Finally she broke forth—' Tommy, dearest, I want to a?k you something." ".Ask me a hundred—a thousand—a million things!" he exclaimed in reply. " Well, Tommy, Ive got an awful cold in my he; d," she continued; "and, if I draw one of my hands away to use my pocket-handkerchief, would you think it unkind of me? Just once. Tommy, and then you may have my hand again." A celebrated p"anitt, who hai two daughters, one nineteen und the other eight years old, lost his leg by a railway accident. Some time afterwards his brother-artists got up a subscription and a grand benefit, which realised a thousand pounds. This large sum he settled on his daughter, who was engaged to be married. A few days after the wedding his little daughter came into his room, and, after he had played a little while with her, much to his surprise he heard her say, " Papa, when I get big, you will break your other leg, too, won't you ? Then I can get a thousand pounds whon I got married.' A minister in tbo south of Scotland had a parishioner, wo are told, who, to show her affection for her pastor, sent him evory morning, by the hands of her daughtnr, a couple of what Bhe wished him to understand wore newlaid eggs, for breakfast. The eggs on being delivered were generally warm, es i£ just taken from tho nest ; but one morning the minister's maid, on taking the eggs observed, " Tho egga aro no'warm, the day, Jennnie; are they no' freeh ? " ,! Oj, ay," said the girl, "they're quite fresh, hut my mither could na get tho cat to Bit on them this morning." A very deaf organist used to officiate at a church in a Wtst of England town, where, on the occasion of a marriage, he wa3 requested to play Mendelssohn's "Wedding March." If he had not bean deaf, all might have been well; but hearing only the word "march," he went to the church and astonished the whole bridal party by striking up the " Dead March in Saul." " What on earth are you playing 1 " cried the bridegroom's "best man," rushing up to tbe organ loft in a fury. "A march, as I was told," replied the organist. "But not the 'Dead March'!" exclaimed the "be9t man." "Oh, I thought any march would do I " said the organist, when they at length made him hear.

Garibaldi ha» issued a manifesto, in which he announces the formation of a democratic league, and Bayß it has decided to work by pacific moans. " Consequently, whoever governs Italy," ho add?, " must take note that if its work be impeded, ho will be held to account by history and by the nation, should the league to uphold its rights resort throughout the country to other means than those now adopted." The Government has juat entered into fresh contracts for tho supply of presorvea meats to the value of £200,000, and other victualling stores have been ordered in proportion. Tho authorities have also, after investigation, adopted for uae in the Zulu campaign a species of preserved and compressed soup, similar to the sausage ration upon which the Gorman army was mainly fed during the Franco-German war, but of a superior quality, and intended principally for hospital diet. At the Birmingham Police Courl» Charles Koth, silversmith, and Elizi* •' « wife, were each sentenced to four u, i . rcprisonment with hard labor foi'srus.'. '"J? their children, by "neglecting to ' * them with the common necessaries >i The seven children of the prisoners, var ying in ago from a few months to eleven years, were found without clothing, and in a badly nourished condition, in a bedroom containing simply a bedstead and somo old sacking. Ono child, two and a half yoars old, weighed only 101 b., or but half the average for that age. The stipendiary characterised the prisoners' conduct as cruol and heartless, and fully deserving severe sentence. WHAT'S HIS NAME? " What makes your lips ao awful sore ? " Asked Sarah's cross-eyed pap ; And Sarah to the old man said "It's caused by a small chap." Then Sarah's youngest brother, As yet unknown to fame, Looked Sarah in the eye, and asked—- " What is the small chap's name ? " A SICK WIFE. He was a stern, austere looking man, and -when he walked into a store where "wines and liquors for family use " were advertised for sale, he gazed csrefully around before making known his wants. Then he called the proprietor to him, and over the counter, inquired in a low tone if he had any whisky he could positively recommend to families in case of sickness. The proprietor stated, in a subdued though no less confident voice, that he had. He had used it, he said, in his family, during critical periods of illness, and he hadn't the slightest hesitation in endorsing it, even though the applicant was the President of the United States. " I am thus particular," explained tho austere man, "because it is rarely that I have anything of an intoxicating nature about my houao, and never then except in cases of the direst necessity." "I understand," said tho liquor man, nodding approvingly; "I am a good deal that way myself, although in the business." Then he took a bottle out of the case that stood on a high shelf, and dusting it foff carefully, almost-fondly, because the whisky it contained was so very rare, handed it to the man, with the remark that he might take out a search warrant and hunt through all the private cellars in Pourbon country without being able to find its superior. "I don't know anything about it," said the stern customer, with an impatient wave of the hand —" don't ever drink it myself, and can only take it on your recommend. My wife, you see, is very bad with soro throat " " Capital thing for soro throat," said the proprietor, rolling the bottle up in a piece of brown paper. "My wifo tried it for that not long ago, and it did her a world of good." " Can't you put it in a different looking parcel ?" asked tho austere individual. "I don't like to be seen " "Oh, of course, got just tho thing for it here ; look like a package of thread or something of that kind," and he put it into a ; square paper box that fitted it exactly. "My wifo has tried everything for that throat of hers," Baid tho austere man, as he counted out tho change, "and I thought maybo a little ardent spirits ju»t a 3 she went to bed " . "Nothing better in tho world,' interrupted the supplier of family distur—wo mean wines and liquors. " You see," said the man, placing the parcel in tho inside pocket of his overcoat and buttoning tho coat carefully around it, "I abhor anything of an intoxicating nature, but in this case " ,

"You do perfectly right," sakl the dealor, opening the door for him. "An ounce of whisky—l mean of prevention—is worth a pound of cure." "She's so delicate," pursued the austere one, " catches cold with every change of the weather. Things I wouldn't notico at all make her down sick. lam afraid she's not long for this world," with a pious cough._ "The weathor 13 very bad for delicate constitutions," suggested the liquor man. "Especially for hers," added the person of austerity, about to step out. Then he turned as with a sudden thought and said, *' I suppose if 1 gave it to her with hot water and a little sugar it would be all the better, wouldn't it ?"

"Oh, much better. Don't forget the hot water and sugar." The liquor dealer turned to us with a smile as the man left, and said —" Wonder if that man thinks he is humbugging anybody. But that ia the way some-folks get their whisky." "Wasn't that story about" his sick wife correct ? " we asked. " Sick wife ! sick fiddlestick. He hasn't any wife, and never had, but he doesn't know that I know it. I meet with lots of such cases ; men who come here and buy whisky to drink on the sly, endeavoring to veil it under some such thin pretence as that man employed. Lots of bogus temperance men and pious frauds in this world." It certainly doe 3 appear s». Saturday Night."