THE LOAFER IN THE STREET.

Globe, Volume XXI, Issue 1686, 16 July 1879, Page 3

THE LOAFER IN THE STREET.

“To show how the authorities of tho Christchurch Hospital treat poor invalids from Otago, it may be mentioned that a wellknown resident of Oamaru, suffering from disease, paid a visit to Christchurch for tho purpose of obtaining the best medical treatment suitable to his particular case, and was recommended to tho Christchurch Hospital, where he obtained admission. Ho agreed to pay tho customary charges for board and treatment, but on the third day after his arrival in tho institution the House Surgeon informed him that as he was from Oamaru he could not stay in the hospital any longer, and although he was suffering from acute pains, and with barely strength to walk, he was requested to pay 21s for three days’ treatment. This he paid, and was forthwith turned out into the street in tho pouring rain, during one of tho coldest days experienced in Christchurch this winter.” I quote the above from the “ North Otago Times.” If it be true, I should say there must be some peculiar management somewhere. If the statement of your contemporary be incorrect, ho ought, in justice to tho hospital authorities, to be answered.

In reference to the wreck of the Taupo the “ Poverty Bay Herald ” wanta to know “if the Government send the ‘New Zealand Gazette ’ to masters of vessels trading in New Zealand waters.” If not, how in the name of fortune are they to know of the fresh shoals and rocks that are continually being discovered ? We are not all endowed with the powers claimed by Professor Baldwin, and even that wonderful second sightor would find it hard to know intuitively those discoveries which, as the “Poverty Bay Herald” observes, are concealed by the Marine Board in the pages of a “ Gazette,” which is not even seen by one in a thousand. I make a present (at second-hand) of the suggestion contained in the above to any hon. member who may wish to get his name up as a Plimsoll.

Professor Mathews, L.L.D., recently occupied himself in writing a book called, “How to Get on in the Woeld.” Soon after the publication of the book the Professor went into bankruptcy, and the American papers have been chaffing him about it. If the journalists who are so severe on the Professor had ever lived hero they would see nothing extraordinary in the matter. What the Professor has done is merely ono way—and not a bad way either—of accomplishing the end advocated in tho title of his book.

So for as I can gather, the ladies of this city are not much given to visit'ng the poorer sisters. Thera are a few, however, who go out on charitable intent sometimes, and one of them tells the following story. She was visiting an “ unemployed ’’family,” and noticing that the children were of the grimiest description, she as delicately as possible suggested that they would be the belter of a bath. “Well, Ma’am,” responded the loving mother, “ my husband has a prejudice agen baths. Ho took one hisself about nine year ago, and it disagreed with him. He wouldn’t have those children bathed on no account.” Well, but,” said the visitor, “ don’t you think you could got them dressed a little neater ? You see their clothes are all in rags.” “ That’s where it is ma’am,” said the ready mother. “ I aint very handy with the needle. I never had your advantages, ma’am, in being brought up to the dressmaking.” Exit visitor. A well known Canterbury Licensed Victualler; was recently recovering from a severe attack of gout, when a friend cilled in to see how ho was getting on, and asked if ho could do anything for him in Dunedin, whither ho was proceeding that day. “ Nothing that I know of,” groaned the gouty one, “ unless you could pick up some tumblers that’ll run out five to a bottle of beer. I got my doctor's bill to-day, and I must do something to make it up.” A few months ago a subscription was being raised for some object, and a public meeting was held on the subject. Speeches were made, and a considerable amount of enthusiasm evoked amongst those present. At the close of the gathering a collection list was handed round, and one leading citizen of this metropolis volunteered to give ten guineas to the fund. Next day the gentleman who was doing the collecting called on him for his promised subscription. He handed him a cheque for two pounds. On being told that he had promised a tenner the evening previous, he smiled sweetly, and replied, “ Ah! you should have got it out of me then. I frequently make resolutions at night I don’t work out in the morning.” I publish this little anecdote for the benefit of Mr John Ollivier, who will probably, for the future, tackle the gentleman alluded to after the shades of eve have fallen. “ At Exeter Assizes the other day, an amusing discussion took place between Mr Baron Huddlestone, the bar, and the jury, with regard to the evidence of a female witness. The learned counsel for the defence remarked that women, under certain circumstances, would swear to anything, upon which his Lordship remarked that although his experience of women was not sufficient to enable him to go as far as this, yet it was an undoubted fact that a woman told a lie a great deal better than a man, and with more effect. Whether it was that a man felt his dignity to a certain extent offended by recourse to untruth was a metaphysical question he could not answer, but it was certain a woman did toll a lie much more logically, and stick to it with much more pertinacity, and with a much greater appearance of truth than a man could.” I have not the slightest doubt his Lordship was correct enough in the lying capabilities of the respective sexes, but it is curious how the opinions of witnesses differ as to where "nothing but the truth” ends and falsehood commences. I recollect a sailor in Victoria, being accused of theft. Though the evidence was rather strong against him, the Magistrate thought from the character of the witnesses against him, that it was a put-up job, and asked the prisoner if he could not bringsome of his mates to prove an alihi. “Well your Worship,” said the sailor, “I don’t know as I could. I was that drunk I can’t well remember who was with mo at the time. The only witness I can think of likely to do me much good hero is our sailmaker, Bill Williams, and I know he’ll swear to any blooming thing.” Our new clergyman, the Eev. E. J. Opio (says the “ Marlborough Express ”), is daily expected, and the members of the Church of England here have furnished his store room with all necessaries for some time, as a substantial welcome to his new home.” They must have a different way of working things apparently up in Blenheim. In many of our parishes it seems to bo object of our devout Christians to keep the parson’s store room as empty as possible. During the recent floods the* chief of a newspaper office not so very far from Christchurch, telegraphed to one of bis up-country agents, “ Wire full accounts of floods in your district.” The answer came back promptly, “ Localise Genesis vii., verses 21 to 23, and you have our position exactly.” It was done too, and a considerable expense saved to the paper in question. Store up the idea, boys, for a future occasion.

The large rewards offered by the insurance companies for the conviction of incendiarie are no doubt as well meant as they are liberal, but it seems to me that there is more than a possibility of their bringing some unfortunate being to grief before very long. Like “ Bill Williams,” the sailor with liberal ideas on tho subject of truth mentioned above, witnesses could be found in this country—plenty—who would, should sufficient inducement offer, swear anything. You’ll see what a number of arson cases there will bo on the calendar, and if they have no better foundation than some I have recently read of, I think the volunteers in the int .rests of justice—and “ blood money,” should bo read some lesson on their over zeal.

From West Coast files I learn that a public meeting was called the other day in Hokitika to protest against the payment by the Westland County Council of tho dishonoured cheques of the Arahura Hoad Board, amounting to over £I2OO. They seem to have a peculiar way of financing over the mountains.

“ Wanted, a Bar Novelty, Giantess, Giant, or Female Barman, or any attraction. Can arrange other towns to follow if attractive. To open, Black Swan Hotel, Mytongate, Hull, Send terms, &c.” “ Wanted, for Sedgwick’s Exhibition, one Eat Woman. To save time, state terms, &c. W. Sedgwick’s Exhibition, Monmouth, Monday; Abergavenny, Wednesday and Thursday.” The above advertisements follow each other in the columns of the “ Era,” I don’t know quite what a female barman is, but if Mr Sedgwick’s exhibition comes along this way wo can suit him in plenty of places with the obese femininity. If there be one thing more than another likely to strike the observant globe trotter visiting these shores it ia the precocity of tho colonial kid. There are no children here properly so called. They are all men and women as soon as they speak. As a little instance of what I mean, allow mo to quote tho following challenge from a Sydney paper : — ll l, Septimus Conyghame, twelve years old, will run Alfred Jey, of P. Burns’ boot shop, 100 yards, from £5 upwards, Man and money Punch’s Angel Hotel, eight o’clock tonight." Man and money, indeed! If young Sep. lived in England he would probably about that hour be awaiting his mamma’s slipper to run about 100 yards over portions of his youthful frame for not hurrying up ■with tho supper beer. Tho follawing exciting wire recently appeared in your columns :—“ [Press Special Wire.] —New Plymouth, July Bth.—All hostile ploughing has ceased here. It is reported that the wives of the imprisoned ploughmen have been to To Whiti to enquire what should bo done to effect the deliverance of their husbands, and that ho recommended that they should procure horns and proceed with their friends to Wellington and encompass the prison, blowing their horns, when the walls would fall and their husbands be delivered. Three hundred persons will proceed to Wellington on this errand.” Your correspondent might have condensed To Whiti’s response into three words, “ Go to Jericho.”